Woman Aggravated When Foreign Housekeeper Only Listens To Her Husband

Author image for abbyadler
abbyadler
Jun 11, 2021 5:00 PM EDT

Cheezcake is excited to present another story from Reddit's infamous "Am I The A**hole?" thread. This week, a woman posted about how irritated she is over her foreign housekeeper who only listens to what her husband says. When she brought up the issue with her friends, they said that she's the a**hole for not respecting her housekeeper's patriarchal culture, but Redditors seem to unanimously disagree. Check out the details of the story below, and make your own call. 

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  • 01
    Font - * r/AmItheAsshole · Posted by u/BrokenKeystroke 6 hours ago AITA for refusing to accommodate my housekeeper's "cultural difference"? My husband and I hired a housekeeper and she's from another country, one that is very heavily patriarchal.
    via u/BrokenKeystroke

    A fresh AITA thread. Who's ready to make the call on who the a**hole in the story is? I'm always ready to judge people on the internet. 

  • 02
    Font - I've noticed this really aggravating pattern that when I ask her to do something or make some change she'll first confirm it's ok with my husband before proceeding (and it's not both ways, she doesn't check with me before doing something he's asked her to do.) She'll also only ask him, not me, For example – I recently let her know we were switching the contents of one cabinet to the basement and asked her to pack it the contents into a container.
    via u/BrokenKeystroke

    Super frustrating stuff. Let's see how OP handles it. 

  • 03
    Font - She waited to do it until my husband got home and she could ask him if it was ok first. I'd talked to my husband about how this was irritating me, to be treated as a second class citizen in the home by someone we see on such a regular basis. His solution was to basically just tell her, "Whatever my wife wants is fine." To assuage any worries.
    via u/BrokenKeystroke
  • 04
    Font - Now whenever I asked her to do something she reports it back to him, basically seeking approval, without outright asking. For example today I asked her to help me take some decorations down and she waited until she saw my husband said, "We're taking these decorations down.." I was complaining to a few friends about this over the weekend and they more or less said it's a cultural difference and I'm an asshole not to respect it.
    via u/BrokenKeystroke
  • 05
    Mammal - But I can't brush it off that easily because it causes a lot of logistical challenges and makes me uncomfortable. AITA for insisting she stop doing this or not work here anymore?
    via u/BrokenKeystroke
  • 06
    Font - bigbuttfucker · 6h Pooperintendant [69] NTA. You are her boss and paying her for a service. 'Cultural difference' is no excuse to ignore you.
    via u/bigbuttfucker
  • 07
    Font - SomeCallMeTiimm · 4h Partassipant [2] NTA Fire her and then she will know who the boss was.
    via u/SomeCallMeTiimm
  • 08
    Font - crystallz2000 · 3h NTA. You both need to sit down with her and explain that in your marriage you're equals and that she's expected to listen to you just as much as she does to your husband, and if the behavior doesn't stop, you'll have to let her go.
    via u/crystallz2000
  • 09
    Font - eye_hate_humans · 6h · edited 5h Partassipant [1] Wait a minute... your friends called YOU the asshole for not respecting her cultural norm? WTF. She works in YOUR home, in a totally different country, for that matter. Her cultural norm should be practiced at her home, not yours. She's basically imposing her culture on you, and that's no different than someone imposing their religion, political or lifestyle/social views on you. If she can't adhere to what you require in YOUR home, then sh
    via u/eye_hate_humans
  • 10
    Smile - peoplebetrifling · 1h Partassipant [2] I wonder if those dumbass friends can imagine someone completely ignoring a female boss in any other context and waving it off as cultural differences.
    via u/peoplebetrifling
  • 11
    Font - LokisLocksmith · 4h NTA - she's working in your country. Also, it's sexist. Doesn't matter if it's cultural. You're paying her for a service and she's not delivering the service.
    via u/LokisLocksmith ·
  • 12
    Font - Entadagigas · 5h Asshole Enthusiast [5] NTA - I could understand it being done the first few times. But you're her employer and she should respect that.
    via u/Entadagigas
  • 13
    Font - japtrs · 2h NTA. Your home. Your culture. It's as simple as that.
    via u/japtrs
  • 14
    Mammal - RachelWWV · 2h NTA. She is actively making your homelife harder, the exact opposite of her job.
    via u/RachelWWV

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