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Reddit Users Reveal What The Weird Guys In Their Offices Are Up To

Everyone's got one, except for me because I am him, a weird guy in the office. 

Whether he's a closer talker or sneaking off to masturbate on company time, there's nothing quite like the experience of interacting with your office weirdo. As he speaks, the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention, aware that any moment, he could kill you. But they are still fun to talk about. 

That's why the weirdos on Reddit decided to trade war stories. Here are the weirdest things office creeps are up to:

Posted by schimkom
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  • 1

    Well, if they're out of snickers.

    Text - [] Zeruvi 2746 points 15 hours ago In my old job a guy came in ~5.30 in the morning and would beat the shit out of the vending machine to try to get free food permalink embed
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  • 2

    If you find someone's Soundcloud, RUN.

    Text - [] bonezillion 90 points 11 hours ago I work at a radio station and every time I go in to make a playlist, it always happens to be this one weird guy's show. All he does is the news so he just pops in a CD and sits back. Except, he doesn't sit back. He raps loudly, angrily even. Let me paint an image of this guy: White Red Curly Hair Glasses Mid-weight, mid-height Odd Voice Always wearing cargo shorts Not too many friends because...he's kind of a dick My first experience with him, I was a
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  • 3

    Same, tbh.

    Text - [- warpus 608 polnts 15 hours ago I am probably the weird guy in the office, to be honest. I have no idea what people might think I do that's creepy though, but it might be the farting permalink embed
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  • 4

    Sounds like a smart fire.

    Text - -] DingleDanglies 1268 points 12 hours ago I have two The creepiest guy used to go to the bathroom and masturbate. When he arrived he used to spread the ejaculate around his neck. His reason was that because of the pheromones being let off his neck the women would instantly get horny (his words) and want to have sex with him. He was later fired for sexual harassment. The current guy looks just like a spooked turtle all the time. He just stares at you and your computer screen while doing l
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  • 5

    At least he's a good cook.

    Text - [] Pariah_Dog 2642 points 12 hours ago He's a conspiracy theorist and very private about his personal life and suspicious of people over minor things. However he also has a really keen eye for social behaviors and knows when shit is going on and I've also seen him ask people how they're doing because he somehow knows something is wrong. He's a really good cook and often heads the grill during work bbq celebrations. And the dude has the most fascinating stories and insights, like he's made
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  • 6

    Uhhhh....

    Text - [] giraffevomitfacts 1350 points 14 hours ago A friend of mine worked in a camera/developing shop when film was still king. It was a zoo of dysfunctional people, but I can only remember one, some old guy with an office at the back of the shop. He dressed in a shabby suit and dyed his hair black. My friend would frequently catch him standing in front of his desk talking softly to an imaginary person sitting in his chair -- "You can't do this to me, Joe. You can't do this to me ... Also, on
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  • 7

    I like when Martin was extra naughty, too.

    Text - -] CountSpectacular 88 points 7 hours ago Oh my god I had a guy just like this. He would have full on conversations with a guy called Martin that no one else could see. Martin was always on his left. I sat to his right on a bank of two desks. It felt like there was three of us half the time. My favourite were the days when Martin was extra naughty. My colleague would sternly tell him off saying things like "Martin, you are being very indiscrete". Sometimes he would have to take Martin out
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