Tumblr Thread: Eating Good Meals At Crime Fronts

Author image for Eric Lund
Eric Lund
Aug 13, 2021 4:00 PM EDT

Why does eating at a Ukrainian mob restaurant taste so good? As Super Hans said, "the secret ingredient is crime." These tumblr users get into the gritty details of having succent meals at various locations of ill repute. For a tale of creatively wacky mob-adjacent shenanigans, here's the Tumblr tale of the nice guy named Vinny. And to pair with it, some nice funny tweets and tumblr gems.

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  • 01
    Font - prokopetz Follow 1/10 If you ever feel like you must be the most unobservant person in the world, remember: I once spent half a year failing to notice that my new favourite restaurant was a money-laundering front for the Ukrainian mafia. (I didn't think anything of it at the time, but in retrospect, the fact that it was always dead no matter the time of day - I think the busiest I ever saw it was five people, myself included - well, that should have been a tipoff. Also, the waitstaff kept
    via BleebBloop
  • 02
    Font - you know, in the business. I just liked the pierogil) 2/10 moonbelowsea Follow What I need to know is how on earth did OP finally realize his favorite restaurant was a money-laundering front for the mafia. prokopetz Follow I'd like to say I put together the clues, but in reality, I just showed up one day to find that the place had been indefinitely shut down, and later learned it was because the managers had all been arrested.
    via BleebBloop
  • 03
    Font - andersonsallpurpose Follow 3/10 What I really want to know is how good the food was? prokopetz Follow Excellent, if your tastes run to the "heavy cream and too much garlic" end of the spectrum. toloveviceforitself Follow Every crime front l've ever eaten at has had completely amazing food, honestly. I am pretty convinced that if you want to open a front, you don't choose "restaurant" as your front-business
    via BleebBloop
  • 04
    Font - unless you have a relative who loves to cook. 4/10 prokopetz Follow It tickles me that this is evidently a sufficiently common experience that people find it relatable. (Seriously, check the notes!) We should write reviews or something. onewit-torulethem-all Follow did I just read the line "every crime front l've ever eaten at" with my own two eyes
    via BleebBloop
  • 05
    Font - toloveviceforitself Follow 5/10 Look, I went to college and lived my early adulthood in a town whose entire thing was import/export, and we had a lot of restaurants that were suspiciously empty except when they were closed and filled with very serious men in nice clothes. They were usually run by someone who was about the right age to be some adult's parents or grandparents, and in the case of the two Korean restaurants matching this description, they didn't speak English. Universally tho
    via BleebBloop
  • 06
    Font - clothes. And despite having huge dining rooms and never having more than a couple customers, t 6/10 never went out of business. Also, because I am very, very stupid and sometimes don't think before I talk, I once said loudly, over the phone, while sitting in one of these places, "Hey! Yeah if you want to meet us, we're eating at [place]. You know...[place]? You totally know it. The Front, on Warwick st!" The looks I got from every single employee were amazing and then I left.
    via BleebBloop
  • 07
    Font - cat--77 Follow We had a corner store/deli-place near our 7/10 in on something and no one cared because they looked out for their customers and their neighborhood as a whole. They started stocking my favorites because I mentioned them within hearing range once, would tell their "vendors" to move out of the way if we stopped in. I walked a different route home and got harassed one night and they asked after me. When they found out what happened, they declared "Consider it taken care of, you
    via BleebBloop
  • 08
    Font - friendlytroll Follow 8/10 This is both my favorite and makes me fondly remember home. Less of the eateries, more of the mysterious retail joints that never seem to close despite no one ever buying anything, though. Well. Aside from the juice bar. Didnt last, though. jupiterjames Follow I found these places everywhere lived. My favorite was an omurice place near my home in Japan, and a mother/son officially ran it. The food was incredible, and one night I was there and there was a boistero
    via BleebBloop
  • 09
    Font - and were super nice. Said they wanted to "practice 9/10 their English," and paid for my food and drinks and then said they wanted to take me to karaoke. That was a little alarming, but the mother/son, who seriously looked after me as the only foreigner in the area, said I should go, and the son came along. So we piled into a white landboat Cadillac and partied until dawn. One of the older men at the party took me to my neighborhood and dropped me off out front (the car was literally too b
    via BleebBloop
  • 10
    Font - Which was confusing, but I was drunk, so whatever. Then I went back to the restaurant about a week later and the mother said, “the family 10/10 approves of you. You may marry our son if yo and be welcomed." I did not marry him, but wow. There were no hard feelings, either. They still helped out if I got harassed by the cops (which happened a lot in these smaller towns with no foreigners) or anything like that. And to this day, no omurice has ever compared.
    via BleebBloop

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