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01
Unleash your happiest endorphins with exercise
Soul Cycling, dancing, swimming, squatting, running - we don't care what physical activity you choose to do as long as you're releasing the sh*t out of your endorphins. As the wise Elle Woods once said in Legally Blonde, "Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people just don't shoot their husbands. They just don't." Evidently, if you introduce exercise and endorphins into your life, you definitely won't be tempted to shoot the guy who's not texting you back. Or at the very least, you'll have one hell of an alibi if the police do come around. You couldn't possibly have shot him if you were busy exercising. Our girl Elle will back you up.
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02
Cook up something simple and sexy
Something that never fails to cheer us up is food. But we don't want you ordering the food. Nope. Waiting around for your food to arrive will just end up being more time spent waiting for that text back. Choosing a new dish to create will have you invested in something more worthwhile. If you can't cook for sh*t, we recommend pasta with a twist of your choice. The perfect combination of simple and sexy. Do like baked feta pasta and turn your life into the perfect combination of simple and sexy by ditching your dependence on this dude today.
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03
Spend some extra cash on stress-relieving massages
He was the reason for the teardrops on Taylor Swift's guitar, and now he's the reason for all the tension in your back and shoulders. A well-deserved massage should relieve that tension in no time, you hottie with a body who deserves a way better somebody.
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04
Research and invest in new vibrators
Your current vibrator clearly isn't doing the trick if you're wasting time and effort on hearing back from Mr. Medium Ugly. Read some reviews, and see which bad boys are trending at the moment. You'll be back on track in no time.
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05
Text his best buddies
If texting him didn't do the trick, texting his homies sure will. News flash: you're a hot girl, you do hot sh*t, and there are way hotter guys to text. Petty? Maybe. But we never promised that our advice wouldn't be petty. Best case scenario? He realizes what an absolute arse he's been and will skip the text back, showing up at your doorstep with flowers and chocolate instead. Also best case scenario? His friends are better, and you end up dating one of them. Or all of them. The possibilities are endless. Either way, you're always winning.
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06
Shave your entire body
Shaving your body is a very time-consuming activity, and you want to be prepared at any given moment. We know what you're thinking - it's desperate to shave in order to be ready for that moment when he finally does text you back. Again, we never promised that our advice wouldn't be toxic. Plus, shaving your body doesn't necessarily mean you're prepping it for him. Nothing wrong with shaving for someone else who's actually worth your time. Either way, it's always nice to feel silky smooth.
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07
Archive the sh*t out of him
Not all of us are emotionally equipped to go completely cold turkey and block or delete someone from their contacts. Introducing the archive button, invented especially for use on the guys who won't text back. Through archiving, he'll slowly but surely fade from your memory until he ceases to exist. You can still take a peek once in a while, but as time goes on, we're sure you won't want to anymore. Without you even noticing, he'll slip into ancient history. Good riddance.
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Like what you see? Find more hilarious women's memes and crazy stories on our Instagram @Cheezcake_Humor and more videos on our TikTok @cheezcaked