Ridiculous Times 'Smart Devices' Were Laughably Dumb

They say capitalism breeds innovation, but the need to spend extra time answering your smart dishwasher's product survey in order for the thing to function hardly feels "innovative." They say artificial intelligence is going to replace humans, but a pathetic little robot that needs a human to help it out of the snow doesn't seem very intimidating. And don't get me started on subscription-based features. Other than blatantly holding your car hostage, what's the point of a bluetooth-enabled key fob that requires monthly payments? Do internet-connected devices really enrich our lives and make us more efficient at completing daily tasks, or do they mostly just provide new ways for companies to rip us off?

If you're as mad as us about the boring dystopia that techno-capitalism has bred, we've collected a bunch of posts from one of our favorite accounts, @internetofshit, who painstakingly documents all the best examples of IoT at its dumbest. Maybe every object in existence doesn't need to be connected to the internet.

Author image for Mel Dawn Mel Dawn
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  • 01
    Font - Internet of Shit @internetofshit surely just one more new standard will make everything better O The New York Times O @nytimes · 1/27/22 If all goes according to plan, mainstream smart- home devices will become compatible with one another through a "connectivity protocol" called Matter. That will make them easier to use and set up, @wirecutter writes. nyti.ms/3AFWC93
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  • 02
    Product - Internet of Shit @internetofs... · 1/30/22 ... surely just one more new standard will make everything better E The New York Times · 1/27/22 If all goes according to plan, mainstream smart-home devices will become compatible with one another through a "connectivity protocol" called Matter. That will make them easier to use and... 50 7 165 1,195 Michael Josem @MichaelJosem Replying to @internetofshit xkcd.com/927/ HOW STANDARDS PROUFERATE: (SEE: A/C OHARGERS, CHARACTER ENCODINGS, INSTANT
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  • 03
    Output device - isis agora lovecruft (they/them) @isislovecruft my dishwasher won't start until i let it update its firmware over the wifi i Software update Timer Back i Continue with OK Timer Update Timer
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  • 04
    Font - Raffi Melkonian @RMFifthCircuit We bought a faucet recently, and the salesperson asked us if we wanted it to be wifi capable. No? What?
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  • 05
    Font - Michael Arrington E O @a. 1/23/22 What kind of Sunday am I having? Every single one of our smoke detectors melted down at 7 am in unison. This google crap is no bueno. You may notice one with some structural damage, that was before I could •.. locate a screwdriver.
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  • 06
    Product - Hasitier ... @Hasitier Just got myself a new battery for a power drill from Lidl. It refused to work with my drill out of the box so I had to connect it to an app and update the battery firmware. It's working now, but why do I need an app to control/update a rechargeable battery @internetofshit Verbleibende Laufzeit 5d 20h 48min Xecu U 54% ARKSIDE 100 % MENA LAUFZEIT BE GLEICHER AK-gads [ABMESSUNGEN FORMANCE rt Akku 14 Ah 70% HOHERE ENTLADESTR FÜR MEKR LESTUNG Akku sperren IM VERGLEICH
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  • 07
    Output device - Lidl Smart Akku 4Ah J: 26°C O Bereit Buetooth Parksde Pertomance4 ARKSIDE Verbleibende Laufzeit 5d 20h 48min 54%
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  • 08
    Product - Patrick M. Ryan @imageryan ... We're shopping for a new fridge. My wife is wondering why l'm dead set against a fridge with WiFi @internetofshit Certificate info There are problems with the security certificate for this site. net:ERR_CERT_COMMON_NAME_INVALID https://www.google.com/s2/favicons? domain=www.google.com? randomNumber=59512.68813598618 W Remember preference. Allow Deny
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  • 09
    Font - freia lobo @freialobo hbo max boldly imagines a new kind of streaming service – what if we took the best content in the world, and put it into the worst piece of software you’ve ever seen?
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  • 10
    Product - Internet of Shit @internetofshit -connect to wifi to fix dishwasher -ok now you're online that's a $29 in app purchase thx Emily from Twitch @EmStr... · 1/13/22 dishwasher broke, had to connect it to the wifi to fix it. turns out it needs a firmware update... i'm downloading new software for my dishwasher. Show this thread
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  • 11
    Output device - Advanced Pikelet Threat .. @pikelet Are you kidding me Canon is conducting a 4- question survey concerning printer usage. Would you like to take part in this survey? Stop Canon Yes No
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  • 12
    Watch - Internet of Shit @internetofshit lol don't own anything anymore you COROLLA Toyota owners have to pay $8/mo to keep using their key fob for remote start arstechnica.com
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  • 13
    Communication Device - notorious hacker sprinkles (shh) @worldwise001 I'm almost certain the images on the McDonald's kiosk are hosted in an S3 bucket in us-east Hot Drinks New Image y/Y Browse between categories below ward Home All Premium Roast Coffee Teas Mochas Hot Chocolates low Lattes Cappuccinos Rewards arn bints ever rder! Americanos & Espressos Others Offers and Promotions Burgers Chicken & Fish Image Image Image Wraps Premium Roast Brewed Premium Roast Decaf A All Day Breakfast can to
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  • 14
    Light - IllimarLepikvonWirén @iLepikVonWiren ... Modern times in Estonia. A robot which had become stuck in the snow, saw me coming, and asked with a synthesised voice whether I could help out. So I did, and both of us carried on with our day. STARSHIP
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  • 15
    Font - Ingvar Stepanyan @RReverser Nooo0000000... KAYAK Alright! You're off to null.
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  • 16
    Font - Internet of Shit @internetofshit very cool of fisher price to include bluetooth in a child's toy so they can suffer the crushing frustration of being an adult as young as possible fisher-price SHOP BY CATEGORY SHOP BY BRAND SHOP BY AGE EXPLORE Q Search Want playtime ldeas & special offers? SIGN UP Home / Toddler & Preschool Toys / Chatter Telephone" With Bluetooth Chatter Telephone™ with Bluetooth ***** (0) Introducing the special edition Fisher-Price Chatter TelephoneTM - a phone smart e
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  • 17
    Output device - Niki Tonsky @nikitonsky We've come full circle CPow 7:58 PM 58 -Cloudy SHENZHENSHI 18~23°C Sat, April 25 WeChat Camera Enterprise Contact File Manager Email OOMusic Chrome Settings Gallery Sound Recorde QOBrowser WhatsApp ... it spurs EU shipping groups to bypass Britain ctions hit N Korea faces cri pposition leader sworn in as
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  • 18
    Product - Alistair Croll ... @acroll This is the best metaphor for machine learning I have ever seen. spencer @Sssnakeepit · 11/11/21 first time completing a puzzle this shit is easy Frefl * PUZZLE 500
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  • 19
    Smile - becuzitisbitter Every time someone starts telling that they wanna supplement their body with computer parts l'm just like okay great but don't cry to me when your memories of loved ones or your ability to run are locked behind paywalls. sj-flemings-writing You did it! You broke cyberpunk down to it's bare essentials! ironbound-oberon Follow I have cochlear implants and I can only buy parts to fix them or upgrade then from 1 corporation bc of tech exclusivity. upgrades to get new processo
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  • 20
    Art - Jay V. Aster 2 BLM, Luke, I am y... @JayVAster_SFF
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  • 21
    Rectangle - Joe Groff @jckarter · 10/6/21 ... ah, i see, The connection cannot be served because Server.
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Tags

dystopia technology bluetooth devices internet of things capitalism smart devices twitter memes internet of shit funny tweets artificial intelligence
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