Japanese Woman Pressured By White Family To Hide Her Culture During Her Wedding

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Mayarey
Apr 26, 2022 7:00 PM EDT

Weddings can be as stressful as they are exciting. Sure, it's meant to be an event celebrating the wholesome binding of two souls, but it's never really that simple. It's also binding two families with different values and hopes and dreams for the continuation of their legacies. Basically peoples egos really pop off when planning weddings.
A father may decide since he's paying that he gets to choose all of the food. A mother may insist that the bride wear her raggedy old wedding dress. Everyone wants to feel special and important, and boy can it be exhausting for the bride and groom to put up with it all.
In this case however, it seems the groom is also playing a negative role. This Japanese woman just wants to incorporate the slightest bit of her culture into her wedding, our apparently that is far too much to expect with this catholic family. Who do you think is in the wrong here?

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/PuzzledSurround6810 · 7h 3 4 2 3 e 1 AITA for not wanting to wear a Western Wedding Dress at my wedding?
    via u/PuzzledSurround6810
  • 02
    Handwriting - | (25F) am set to marry my Fiance (26M) in the Fall of next year. My Fiance and his family are Catholic and very religious. Because of this I have agreed to a church wedding despite it not being my faith but the one sticking point for me is what i'm going to wear.
    via u/PuzzledSurround6810
  • 03
    Font - I am Japanese while my Fiance is White, I don't care if he wears a tux like he wants to but want to wear a Shiromuku for the actual wedding and change into a Iro-uchikake for the reception. My future MIL is uncomfortable with this and has told me if I want to wear a veil and dress I should just go the western style as it will fit in with the theme of the wedding better and not stick out too much. My Fiance has asked me if this is a sticking point for me and even suggested I just wear the
    via u/PuzzledSurround6810
  • 04
    Font - I feel i've already bent to them in having a Catholic Church wedding and that it's not too out of line for me to want to use both my traditional outfits. His mother has offered to buy me the wedding dress she thinks I should wear and I know she likely doesn't understand why i'm so upset over this, I want to respect their traditions but I don't feel like i'm being respected in turn. AITA here? Should I just do what my Fiance has suggested and blend the two? 10.8k 2175 ↑, Share
    via u/PuzzledSurround6810
  • 05
    Font - OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My fiance and his Mother want me to wear a Western Wedding dress despite it not being my culture, my future MIL has suggested buying me the dress and my Fiance thinks I should just blend the two and wear the reception dress that is traditional for me after wearing the western dress. I could be the asshole as i'm not wanting to bend and try to blend them.
    via u/PuzzledSurround6810
  • 06
    Rectangle - Inallea · 6h Partassipant [4] 10 Awards NTA Firstly it is your wedding and you get to wear what you want. Secondly don't let them pull out the Catholic card. Being Catholic has nothing to do with it. I'm Catholic and l've been to several weddings with either one or both parties in non-western dress. Nobody cared. The bride didn't wear white or ivory - nobody cared. There is no Catholic Church law stating that the wedding dress must be western/white/etc. The only stipulation is that t
    via u/Inallea
  • 07
    Font - PoseyCircles · 6h Asshole Enthusiast [6] 3 Awards INFO; Are you prepared to fight over every major holiday or event in your life? Because that's what's going to happen. Your own fiancé is asking you to compromise on your +wedding dress . He is NOT going to have your back over Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, Children's names, Children's Birthdays etc. Think about this before you marry into this family. G Reply 4 7.1k 3
    via u/PoseyCircles
  • 08
    Font - SordidMorbidCreature · 6h Partassipant [4] NTA. Get ready for a marriage of "compromise" where you agree to keep the peace and he gets everything he wants. G Reply 1 3.5k ...
    via u/SordidMorbidCreature
  • 09
    Font - Medievalmoomin · 6h 3 1 Award NTA there's a fundamental issue of mutual respect and compromise here. You have the right to wear the garments that you want to wear. What your future mother-in-law is saying when she says a western dress will 'fit' with the theme better and not 'stick out' is that your being Japanese is something that doesn't fit and sticks out in her mind. She is trying to minimise who you are. I'm sorry to be blunt, but it's very clear and that is just not ok. If you marry
    via u/Medievalmoomin
  • 10
    Font - no_rxn • 6h Partassipant [4] 2 Awards I know she likely doesn't understand why i'm so upset over this Oh, you're so nice She knows why your tradition is important to you because she knows how important her tradition is to her. But meeting you in the middle isn't her goal. She wants her way and that's it. You already made a huge and wonderful gesture by getting married in a place of their faith. But you wearing anything of your culture is just too much for her.
    via u/no_rxn
  • 11
    Font - Kari-kateora · 6h Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] NTA, and no one should control what you wear as the bride. It "doesn't fit the wedding theme"? It's your wedding. Who gets to choose the theme but you? They should make an effort to blend your cultures together for the wedding. I This is 50% your wedding, too, and they need to stop whitewashing you. Is your MIL usually racist? 6 Reply 4 695 3 ...
    via u/Kari-kateora

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  • 12
    Font - Corfiz74 · 6h Partassipant [3] NTA , and please go to pre-marriage counseling with your fiancé - and NOT to a counselor from their church, but to a religiously and culturally neutral one. This issue raises a lot of red flags that you'd best settle before tying the knot. Like, how prominent will YOUR culture be for any children you raise? Will he/ MIL object to you raising them bilingual? Are they supposed to be raised as Catholic? G Reply 438 ...
    via u/Corfiz74
  • 13
    Font - tatasz • 6h Professor Emeritass [84] NTA You already compromised by accepting the Catholic wedding, and have the right of celebrating your culture, not just your husband's. I don't want to be that person, but do you really want to enter a family that doesn't respect your culture and wants to fit you into their own vision of what bride should be? Do you think they will respect your culture later on? Are you planning to have children and teach them not just your husband culture but also you
    via u/tatasz

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