Animal Comedy Newsletter

Tumblr Animal Posts Of Hilarity And Absolute Ridiculousness

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    Font - anthropologist-on-the-loose The point of officially naming a pet is not to actually use that name but to have a baseline from which to come up with every conceivable nickname to call them instead. abyss13warlock You bury a seed not because it looks nice in the dirt, but because the limbs that branch out will look nice in the sky anthropologist-on-the-loose Congrats on contributing to the ancient tumblr tradition of turning shitposts into profound poetry 146,3mil notas D

    Well, whether this was the point of giving our pet a name or not, it is indeed what ended up happening. At this point, we're not even sure when was the last time that we called our pets by their actual names. They have too many other ones to choose from! And you know what? They reply to all them, so we win, boom. 

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    Font - pipistrellus Follow Hey you know that really disturbing thing where you yawn and your salivary gland shoots a concentrated spray of saliva out of one of its horrid nozzles like you're a venom spitting snake for some godawful reason ask-oncies-jizz Follow this is the most distressing post ive ever read because not only have i never once seen or even heard of this but there are dozens of people in the notes reaffirming it with shit like "yeah i do that all the time" "i had a friend who coul

    We thought that this phenomenon was… normal? Like- it's weird, don't get us wrong. It's always weird, and although it does make us feel like we're fire-gushing dragons for a second, we mostly hope that it doesn't hit anyone in the face when we do it in public. Does this not happen to everyone? Have our lives been a lie this whole time?

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    Font - digivolvin: last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up Source: digivolvin
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    Handwriting - hey y'all do you want to see a dragon that i drew growrotten of course you do here he is 705205 Anonymous said suggestion: give robert a friend :) this is mr wiggles 70570² Anonymous said suggestion: Robert needs a girlfriend/boyfriend! Is Mr Wiggles his boyfriend? this is roberts significant other, gertrude. mr wiggles is just a friend JUMA 77
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  • 5
    Font - m kimpossibooty towniebymitski Follow tilthat TIL the first known case of "dying from laughing" involved the greek man called Chrysippus, who, after giving figs to his donkey, cried out "Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs", had a fit of laughter afterwards and died. via reddit.com honted Follow pretty funny i guess pastabot Follow had to be there 127,089 notes ... 17
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    Product - the-memedaddy OWLS CAN SIT CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE dick wolf @soyeahnah it's always something new with these motherfuckers noctumsolis Follow Sooo I'm guessing that for Americans "cross" and "sauce" rhyme? appendingfic Follow I cannot imagine what pronunciation would cause them not to, so yes kragehund Americans hamenthotep majorsamo How do you pronounce em? joerose8 hamenthotep Cross rhymes with boss And sauce rhymes with horse hamenthotep joerose8 if you live somewhere that "sauce" an
  • 7
    Font - hedgehog-moss Obserwuj I was at the coffeeshop in the village and someone asked me how my llamas are doing, and a woman overheard and told me that when she was a kid, her parents used to have a couple of llamas in their sheep farm, and every single sheep in their flock imprinted on one of the two llamas. Each sheep chose the best most charismatic llama according to mysterious sheep criteria, and never wavered in their ovine loyalty. Each of the two llamas was worshiped by a small sub-floc
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  • 8
    Font - EustaceBagge the oldest profession was probably actually babysitting. like "i have to go do something, can you watch my baby for a while?" has to be one of the most ancient requests ever. animals do this. why wouldn't people living in caves and inventing fire not also take advantage of someone else watching their baby while they go and kill an antelope or something for the tribe to eat ohifonlyx33 Follow I forgot people believe in evolution so my first answer was "duh, its animal husbandr
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    Cat - awwcutefuzzyanimals Thinking about something centrumlumina #oh concrete step we're really in it now
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    Communication Device - transasamisato *cocks gun* any last worms? acerncshane *cocks worm* any last guns? transasamisato *worms gun* any last cocks? theonewhoisnotshort *guns last any worm cocks?
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  • 11
    Green - official ranking of every turtle emoji on emojipedia Google poison-liker FOLLOW a beautiful friend. a wonderful smile. i will protect this perfect tortoise with my life. thank you. Emoji One just a cool and good turtle, going about its business. keep doing you, turtle. Twitter simple, minimalistic, well executed. a solid turt. HTC a unique perspective on the humble turtle. it takes guts to break the mould like this. bravest turtle on the list. Microsoft LG a cool stylistic approach, but
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    Font - 我喜欢打警察因为我是同性恋 @DOGGEAUX me: octopi could hug 4 people simultaneously, because god blessed them with the ability. however, they don't even hug one person, because they have made covenant with the devil. any questions churchgoer: where is our regular pastor me: in a better place now. sit down immediately for-k-is-king @under-palemoonlight awakecorgi704 i'm gonna be honest i didn't even read the tweet because i had to hit reblog too fast when i saw this guy's name is "i like hitting police b
  • 13
    Font - fasterfood a white girl is lost in the woods and is about to be attacked by a bear. "why cant we all just be friends, bullying is so stupid, stop bullying <3" she says to it. the bear stops. he is confused. how the hell did she just say <3 out loud rolemodel less than three. fasterfood if one more person adds this geek ass comment i will make sure u have less than three seconds left to live
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  • 14
    Font - catpda how can ppl say cats dont have feelings like. when my cat got deadly sick she refused to eat a single thing and it had been days but when i started crying she ate just a little bit, and upon seeing how happy it made me, kept doing it whenever she could. now whenever im sad or crying she finds wherever i am with a mouthful of food and eats the pieces one by one, every time looking up at me making sure i was watching her eat it all because she knew it made me happy. and it DOES make

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