Man gives girlfriend $2k each month for the 4 years they've been dating, he wants to use the total $110k for a down payment on a house but she doesn't want to get married: 'Why are you paying someone to spend time with you?'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 7, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Sometimes you'll hear something about someone else's relationship that makes you rethink relationships in general. "Other people are doing that?" You think, and you realize how different we truly all are. Sometimes it makes you jealous, wondering why some couples have date night every Friday when you only have it once a month. But usually it's the other way around. You learn about an outrageous thing that some other couple is doing, and it makes you feel better about your own relationship. This is life's way of reassuring us little by little as we go along our way. 

This story is an example of both of these things. Maybe you'll be jealous of the girlfriend who got a monthly salary for four years just for being a girlfriend. Or maybe you'll pity her boyfriend, who was the sucker who paid that much for that long. 

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  • GF of 4.5 yrs wants her name on house but won't marry or put money down.

    So I've been with my girlfriend for about 4 and a half years. When we first started dating, we made this deal where I'd give her $2k/month. The idea was if we ever broke up, she keeps it, but if we got married, that money would go toward a house down payment. Over time I've paid her about $110k.
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • A woman looks lovingly at a man sitting at a cafe.
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But this couple had to be in it themselves, and hit a roadblock when one of them wanted to take things to the next level while the other was comfortable with their current level, but didn't mind adding a house to her portfolio. Read on for all of the juicy details and decide what you would have done in this situation. 

  • Now I'm in my mid 30s and really want to settle down, buy a house, start a family. She says she's not ready to get engaged or married yet. Here's where it gets tricky: I told her I'm ready to buy a house and put 20% down, but I want to pause the $2k/month going forward. She said she's fine with that only if I add her name to the house.
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • I said I'm fine adding her name if we're married, or if she at least puts up a similar down payment (she could use the $110k I already gave her, since that was supposed to be for the house anyway). She said no.
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • So basically my options are: 1. Keep paying her $2k/month and just buy the house under my name, hoping she'll want to get married someday. 2. Stop paying the $2k and add her name to the house now even though she's not contributing and doesn't want to get married yet.
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • Option 2 would save me money each month but feels... risky? I don't know, am I being unreasonable here or is this a huge red flag? Edit: Alright, I think I should give a bit more context on why I agreed to pay her $2k/month. We have about a 7-year age gap - she had just graduated when we started dating. Back then I was 30 and
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • making a little over 3x her salary. She was upfront that she was worried I might break up with her after a couple years and she'd have nothing to show for it. So the $2k/month was kind of like a "security deposit" that would eventually go toward a house down payment if we got married. For what it's worth, she's smart,
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • pretty, and kind. We've honestly had a really good relationship the last few years. She's never once asked me to increase the $2k even with all the inflation lately, which I respect.
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • Edit 2: I appreciate all the advice! and yeah, I see that the majority of people are saying "just run away." The thing is, I'm almost 35. People keep saying "just leave" or "just start over," and yeah, it sounds easy... but realistically? That means spending at least another year finding someone nice, smart and attractive, then dating for a few years before even thinking
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • about marriage. By then I'm pushing 40, and that's if everything goes perfectly. And honestly, what if I can't even find someone similar? I have no idea where to even meet women my age who are still single. Feels like all the "good ones" are already married or taken. At my age, breaking up feels like a huge gamble. I don't want to end up alone and regret it for the rest of my life.
    via u/Apprehensive_Boat798
  • A couple holds each other near a railing.
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters were baffled at this behavior.

    BelmontIncident 14h ago Why are you paying someone to spend time with you? Why are you considering raising her pay to include a house?
    via u/BelmontIncident
  • MantlesApproach • 14h ago . Are you sure you're a boyfriend and not a sugar daddy?
    via u/MantlesApproach
  • FufkOff 14h ago Option 3: leave her, and get your own place for you and someone who actually cares about you and your life goals.
    via u/FufkOff
  • Dif... 14h ago Edited 12h ago • • Out of pure nosiness I would really like to hear the rationale about giving her 2k a month Edit because I have follow up questions... what did she mean by nothing to show for it if you guys broke up? Feel like I'm doing my relationship all wrong Do you even know if she still has this money saved? I'm betting she doesn't
    via u/Difficult_Panic_2093
  • GeneralGoodtimes... 14h ago Why in the f are you giving her 2k a month?? I honestly hope you're not naive enough to assume she's been putting it aside this whole time..? You're gonna get screwed bud - and you are already!
    via u/GeneralGoodtimes369
  • FMKit 14h ago Leave her and start a new relationship. And see a psychologist first.
    via u/FMKit
  • Clockwork385 · 14h ago . am I hearing this right? you paid someone 110k to be your gf for the past 4 years? You must not know what to do with your money.
    via u/Clockwork385
  • TahoeCoffeeLab 14h ago • Option 3, break up and find someone who loves you for you, and not your money.
    via u/TahoeCoffeeLab
  • DraftRound410 14h ago • You sound like her personal bank account :( You deserve better! Also, I definitely would not put her name anywhere near the papers for the house.
    via u/DraftRound410
  • Melanin_Royalty 14h ago. . If this is real she's been playing you. You're a check to her nothing more.
    via u/Melanin_Royalty
  • nzricco 14h ago . DO NOT put her name on the house, and stop paying her money. Is she a girlfriend you want to marry, or a live in prostitute? It sounds like you're her sugar daddy, and she wants more money from you, but does not what to marry you at all.
    via u/nzricco
  • R de-Hand5440 · 14h ago . Option 3. Realize that you may want to reevaluate this relationship
    via u/R*de-Hand5440
  • nannylive 14h ago • Grandmamma here. I'm sure she's pretty, and she is probably smart in a self serving kind of way, but she's not kind. Tell her to get a job, stop giving her $2000 per month. Do not give her half a house. See how long she stays around.
    via u/nannylive
  • Aussie ModelCitizen 13h ago Guaranteed that $110,000 is gone, not saved for a house! Jesus, her reasoning "I'll have nothing to show for it if you break up with me" hurts my head. The only thing you need to show from a past relationship is a Lesson Learned. You're in no contract
    via u/AussieModelCitizen
  • anything regardless how you go forward. 4th thing- if you want her to marry you-properly propose. It's been over 4 years, if she says no now, it's no forever! But looking in from the outside this is totally bizarre!! | would never ever ask for money to be someone's girlfriend. Maybe ask for support if you're raising kids together but that's where the buck stops for personal responsibility.
    via u/AussieModelCitizen
  • yoho808 14h ago • Congratulations, you became an ATM machine for this girl. She wants her name on your house because when you guys break off, that name is all that matters in determining who the ownership is. She is very calculative.
    via u/yoho808
  • spaceguitar · 13h ago . So, you paid a woman $2,000 a month to be your girlfriend. My guy. WHAT!? That money is gone. She spends it. She stays with you because you pay her. You're her sugar daddy. She's willing to stay sans the $2k because you're going to buy her a house.
    via u/spaceguitar
  • My guy. This woman might like you well enough, but she doesn't love you. She doesn't want to marry you after 4.5 years, even after you've promised security and everything else to her. This isn't a she's not ready shituation; this is her firmly stating, "I don't want to marry you."
    via u/spaceguitar
  • Do what you will with your own money. But she doesn't want to be your wife. I don't think she ever will. And she definitely doesn't love you. I know, because she doesn't respect you. My advice: Find someone who can love you for you, not what financials you bring to the table.
    via u/spaceguitar

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