Mom Sparks Intense Debate After Being Forced to Choose Between Daughters

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 5, 2022 11:00 AM EDT

Families are complicated. Even with the best of intentions, there is guaranteed drama somewhere down the line any time that you have no choice but to grow up with or raise somebody. As a sibling, the things you go through together as kids are often what will get regurgitated in numerous therapy sessions years down the line. 

However, these things don't just magically end in adulthood. In fact, they can often become more difficult for everyone involved. Reaching a crisis point is never fun, and it's rare that it happens as dramatically as it did with u/onetroubledmom. The parent found herself in a predicament after both her daughters were experiencing pivotal life events at the same time: one getting married and the other giving birth to her first child. Unfortunate timing meant that she ended up at the wedding ceremony when her other daughter was having her baby, leading to a whole amount of upset. There's no denying that this was a near impossible situation to be in, which many Redditors acknowledged. It seems like having kids doesn't always get easier the older you get. 

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  • 01
    Font - col 20 r/AmltheAsshole u/onetroubledmom • 3d 1 S 1 4 2 W 2 AITA for missing my grandchild's birth to attend my other daughter's wedding? Not the A-hole I am the mother to two wonderful daughters; Sophia, 32 and Nichole 26 and I'm really not sure if I was cruel toward Sophia for my decision or not. Nichole got married this year and Sophia had her first child which is my first grandchild.
    via onetroubledmom
  • 02
    Font - I've had a good relationship with both my daughters and I've always tried to make sure neither of them felt like I favored the other but I admit there were some rough patches with Sophia. When Nichole got engaged she asked if I would walk her down the aisle since her father has never been in her life. I asked her what about her uncles or brother and she said no, she wanted me. I was more than happy to agree and helped her plan her wedding. My daughter Sophia announced her pregnancy around
    via onetroubledmom
  • 03
    Font - Instead, Sophia went into labor almost 3 weeks early; the afternoon before Nichole's wedding. I missed Sophia's first call because I was already almost 2.5 hours away where Nichole lives and helping set things up and doing last minutes errands to help. When I called her back I found out she was in labor and she wanted me to get there as soon as possible. I told Sophia I would do the best I could and would let her know immediately when I'd be there. I explained the situation to Nichole, wh
    via onetroubledmom
  • 04
    Font - I got to the hospital early the next afternoon and missed the birth by a couple of hours. Sophia was so mad she didn't want me to come in when she was moved to a room. I thought that was understandable and she would talk to me soon but it's been a couple of weeks now and I have tried to apologize to her. I've talked to my son-in-law and he said they're both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party. So I am here asking an outsider's perspective if I was wrong to
    via onetroubledmom
  • 05
    Font - newbeginingshey 3d Certified Proctologist [27] 5% 22 Awards NTA and I'm really surprised by the responses here. A wedding is not just a party. It's a once in a lifetime event and almost by definition has parents there to celebrate (unless there's an exceptionally strained relationship). Childbirth is a medical procedure that usually only has 1-2 support people and in many families happens 2-3 or more times. It's nice, but not common or even expected, to have grandma there. And it's not li
    via newbeginingshey
  • 06
    Organism - dudleymunta 3d S 1 Award And the sister had her husband with her. She wasn't alone or unsupported. SamiLMS1 3d 15.4k This. If OP was the husband I would think Y TA but nobody else is obligated to be there.
    via dudleymunta
  • 07
    Font - work & ΝΤΑ KarmaWill GetYa 3d Partassipant [3] 1 Award I've talked to my son-in-law and he said they're both mad that I chose to ditch Sophia when she needed me most for a party. It wasn't a "party". It was her sister's WEDDING where YOU her mother were walking her down the aisle. It sounds like she was wanting your complete attention to the detriment and disappointment of her sister and potential of ruining the wedding. I'm wondering if this has been a pattern between the two and they ha
    via KarmaWillGetYa
  • 08
    Font - norismomma 3d Asshole Aficionado [13] 2 Awards S You are NTA. This was an impossible situation and you did your best. Reply 4.2k ifnotnowtellmewhen 3d Partassipant [2] Agreed. You had Nicole change the ceremony time to help you accommodate Sophia, it just didn't work out. NTA
    via norismomma
  • 09
    Font - Mum_of_rebels 3d OP stated in a comment that they're actually half-sisters, and apparently Sophia used to bully Nichole as a kid for being born out of a revenge affair OP had after Sophia's father cheated on her. Apparently Sophia resented and blamed Nichole for her parents' divorce until sometime in her teens when extended family confirmed OP's story that Sophia's father had cheated first (her father lied and Sophia believed him over OP). They had to go through family counseling to repai
    via Mum_of_rebels
  • 10
    Font - onetroubledmom OP • 3d No, I didn't favor Nichole or parentify Sophia when she was a child. The rough patches were the result of me being young, stupid, and reactive finding out her father was cheating on me by having a revenge affair and I got pregnant with Nichole as a result. I was honest with Sophia about our divorce, her father lied for years. It was rough until she was a teenager and found out the truth from an aunt on her father's side. After that, another round of family therapy l
    via onetroubledmom
  • 11
    Font - m zeiaxar 3d Partassipant [4] I'd say that Sophia is tentatively the AH, because she had to know that OP made a commitment to Nichole and her wedding before she committed to being there for the birth of Sophia's child. Not only that, but Sophia gave birth early. The moment she realized she was going into labor on her sister's wedding day, she should have resigned herself to the idea that her mom likely wouldn't be able to be present. Hopefully she calms down as hormones level out and she
    via zeiaxar
  • 12
    Font - ΝΤΑ Meemaws_BearCheese 3d Asshole Aficionado [17] It was an impossible situation, but Sophia wasn't alone. She had her husband with her, and honestly, it's a bit confusing why he was her #2 at all when he's qualified to be her #1. So it's not some sort of downgrade that he was the one there for her. It's not like she had some distant cousin with her or a random friend who drove her. Meanwhile, who would have been able to step in for Nichole if you left? There was no suitable #2 waiting in
    via Meemaws_BearCheese
  • 13
    Font - However, if there's a past history of Sophia feeling like you favored Nichole over her (which it sounds like based upon your post), this could have rubbed salt in that wound at a very vulnerable time for Sophia. And I don't know how legitimate Sophia's feelings are with regards to that. If you really did favor Nichole or worse parentify Sophia during childhood, this may have opened an old wound to the extent where Sophia feels she needs to step away in order to heal. Keep in mind that Sop
    via Meemaws_BearCheese

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