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01
Here we go...
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02
Your dad is saying what we're all thinking
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03
How about blowing your nose?
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04
This is actually me
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05
Let's all just be honest with each other and curse all the time
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06
"Oh, did you send me something?"
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07
I do read over my texts and think, "I'm so eloquent"
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08
"Gosh, that person seems like a catch"
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09
10-15 minutes? That's much too long
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10
I'm an expert at writing my opponent's counterargument
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11
The answer is yes, we all are
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12
I don't have the bandwidth right now, ok?
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13
At least this Home Depot customer was honest...
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14
"What a lovely message. Oh! there's a check too?"
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15
As long as it's just a fantasy
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I'm perpetually nodding and pretending like I understand what's going on
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17
Passing judgment is universal!
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18
But...I am?!
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19
I'd ask what that means, but I don't have the energy right now. Maybe later!
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20
You mean everyone around me is not perfect?
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21
No comment.
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22
I'm never subtle when I do this
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23
In what ways is that healthy? I need receipts!
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24
Gotta love this spin on it. I tell lies but it's for the good!
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25
Like that time at summer camp when...
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Ok but I AM!
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27
"Oh yeah! I love that one!"
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28
Woulda, coulda, shoulda
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29
No comment.
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30
Make sure that Spotify playlist is private!
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