1
Here we go...
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2
Your dad is saying what we're all thinking
3
How about blowing your nose?
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This is actually me
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5
Let's all just be honest with each other and curse all the time
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"Oh, did you send me something?"
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I do read over my texts and think, "I'm so eloquent"
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8
"Gosh, that person seems like a catch"
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10-15 minutes? That's much too long
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I'm an expert at writing my opponent's counterargument
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11
The answer is yes, we all are
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I don't have the bandwidth right now, ok?
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At least this Home Depot customer was honest...
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14
"What a lovely message. Oh! there's a check too?"
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As long as it's just a fantasy
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I'm perpetually nodding and pretending like I understand what's going on
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17
Passing judgment is universal!
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But...I am?!
19
I'd ask what that means, but I don't have the energy right now. Maybe later!
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20
You mean everyone around me is not perfect?
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No comment.
22
I'm never subtle when I do this
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23
In what ways is that healthy? I need receipts!
24
Gotta love this spin on it. I tell lies but it's for the good!
25
Like that time at summer camp when...
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26
Ok but I AM!
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"Oh yeah! I love that one!"
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Woulda, coulda, shoulda
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29
No comment.
30
Make sure that Spotify playlist is private!
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