People Fantasize About the Companies They'd Buy and Ruin Like Elon Musk Did To Twitter

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Dec 20, 2022 12:30 PM EST

If you had a million, bajillion dollars, and a passion for utter chaos, which company would you buy and transform beyond recognition? Many people think this is exactly what Elon Musk has done to Twitter, but frankly, it only seems slightly more insufferable. For now. Me? Well, I'd probably buy Benihana. If you don't catch the shrimp that the Hibachi master lovingly tosses toward your mouth, you have to pay double your bill, and clean the restaurant. What could go wrong? 

Twitter user @JennyENicholson asked this same question to the wise yet deranged people of Twitter, and their answers were, on par with or more entertaining (and diabolical) than mine. Some people want to change Starbucks, some people want to ruin big brands like Coke or Pepsi. Our favorite answers come from people who just want to watch the world burn. One thing's for sure, the world (and especially Chuck E. Cheese) would be a very different place if Twitter users had more money. 

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  • 01
    Font - Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson What company do you think you guys would buy if you had a lot of money and wanted to feel something? And what impulsive & emotional changes would you make that would ruin it 8:35 PM 12/18/22 ● 937 Retweets 1,865 Quote Tweets 20.7K Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 02
    Font - Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson For me I think Rainforest Cafe. More robots that aren't paying for themselves. Heck maybe add lore. The board would try to warn me 8:41 PM 12/18/22 . 101 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 8,495 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 03
    Font - sugar plum skunk ape @MaxMcAdams Replying to @JennyENicholson John Deere. I would make the tractors raunchy but not too much. Just barely over the line for how sexual a tractor should be 8:37 PM - 12/18/22 53 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 2,210 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 04
    Font - #k8/+ @artetak Replying to @JennyENicholson Chuck E Cheese. Adding a full bar, bringing back the animatronic band, making it 18+ after 8pm 10:42 PM 12/18/22 8 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 719 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 05
    Font - poor jordie :( @whordanae Replying to @JennyENicholson i would buy Starbucks but the baristas drop your drink through one of these tubes and you have to guess which one 9:24 PM 12/18/22 38 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 1,638 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 06
    Font - Alex Lewis Dehydration Advo... @moondoggy_dogg Replying to @JennyENicholson coke or pepsi and just slowly morph whichever it was, to taste exactly like the other brand. 8:36 PM 12/18/22 7 Retweets 563 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 07
    Font - Gwiggs @McGwiggles Replying to @JennyENicholson Chuck E Cheese. the plastic tubes that kids crawl around in would he more expansive, more labyrinthine and extend deeper into the building. 8:47 PM 12/18/22 12 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 1,305 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 08
    Font - sea shanty stan account @AnarchoShanties Replying to @JennyENicholson I would simply purchase Games Workshop and introduce female Space Marines that look indistinguishable from their male counterparts if they've got their helmets on to spite the screeching hordes of fanboys. Every time they talk shit we add a named and explicitly trans character. 4:11 AM 12/19/22 ● 17 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 637 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 09
    Font - posterior brain case @plainoldchair Replying to @JennyENicholson I'd buy Disney, immediately release literally everything into the public domain, and watch the chaos unfold 9:38 PM 12/18/22 ●
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 10
    Font - Stop Alden Save Local News @schkimb Replying to @JennyENicholson I'd buy McDonald's and veganize every single location and that would ruin it, but only for terrible people. Everyone else would love it. Happy meal gifts would be trading cards of chickens, pigs and cows you could visit at your local sanctuary 7:50 AM 12/19/22 12 Likes ●
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 11
    Nose - Ty R. Winter @Franuardo 1d Replying to @JennyENicholson Kronos Foods. Gyros everyday until I die at 52 years old, surrounded by high gloss posters of conventionally attractive 90s women about to eat gyros. GYROS 10 17 6 1 402 ↑ Benjamin NOTaLibrary @b... 22h Missing the brief. You're supposed to ruin a company, not perfect it. 12 4 ↑
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 12
    Font - Lucas Leau @Lucas_Leau Replying to @JennyENicholson Konami. I'd make everyone happy when I said it would refocus on making videogames again, but then upset everyone when I reveal the only franchise we're focusing on for the next decade is Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon. 8:55 PM 12/18/22 2 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 48 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 13
    Font - Shannon Coulter @shannoncoulter Replying to @JennyENicholson Universal Pictures. Drop everything in the pipeline and focus solely on remaking their IP as minions movies. Cape Fear but minions. Fast & Furious but minions. Pitch Perfect but minons. The entire Bourne franchise but minions. 7:58 AM 12/19/22 ● 10 Retweets 369 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 14
    Font - peek @peek_pdx Replying to @JennyENicholson chuck e cheese and i would make the play structure the area of a football field and 60 feet vertical. will NOT attempt to retrieve any children who perish within. 8:37 PM 12/18/22 ● 10 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 521 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 15
    Font - Pythonmelon @pythonmelon Replying to @JennyENicholson I'd buy Pixar from Disney and set all the animators free into a field in the Ohio countryside to graze 9:01 PM 12/18/22 ● 15 Retweets 641 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 16
    Font - motteprinz @motteprinz Replying to @JennyENicholson Oh, the CW for sure. I'd make every TV show contractually obligated to name their characters "Ben 1" or "Ben 2" if their characters look too similar. I'd also make sure to replace every pet with a human person dressed up as the pet, but never acknowledge it. 11:31 PM 12/18/22 ● 4 Retweets 263 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 17
    Font - Chaddington @Invisichad Replying to @JennyENicholson I feel like Starbucks could do with more animatronic dinosaurs. But that in my hands they would become financially burdened by *too many* animatronic dinosaurs. But I'd let the workers unionize 12:10 AM 12/19/22 . 8 Retweets 544 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 18
    Font - Charles Evanescence Cheese @MrHotDogs2099 Replying to @JennyENicholson Dave & Buster's. 1) TV's only play Videodrome on a loop 2) Bar serves sativa and whip-its. NO ALCOHOL 3) Every game, win or lose, concludes with a dark screen that says "You blew it with Jessica". The tickets all say this too 4) Juke box only filled with noise bands 1.47 AM - 12/19/22
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 19
    Font - Kyle @Hemicrypta Replying to @JennyENicholson I'd buy and airline then only run direct routes through smaller cities like Fresno to Pensacola while major cities like LA to New York would require 2-3 stops. Terrible financial decision. Helps virtually no one. But it would entertain me. 8:46 PM 12/18/22 ● 3 Retweets 250 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 20
    Font - Ando @AntoniaAndros Replying to @JennyENicholson I'd buy McDonalds and bring back the kitschy clown decor and ball pit. Revive the animated series. Try to get back the old Neopets branded games/store. We would go bankrupt in a week, but it would be worth it. 8:46 PM 12/18/22 ● 4 Retweets 245 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 21
    Font - ase And Ryder Has Coromavirus in craft Mighty Paw Patrol At 3 AM Forlorn Muskeg @grayacethot Replying to @JennyENicholson Reconfigure every Whole Foods store so all shopping is done with a gigantic store wide claw machine 4:23 AM 12/19/22 2 Retweets 144 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 22
    Font - Jess @imajessicaLIVE Replying to @JennyENicholson I'm buying medieval times and letting women be the knights. Let women be knights!!! 8:48 PM 12/18/22 ● 2 Retweets 91 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 23
    Product - taft-hartley was an inside job @truthdotnet Altoids. We are bringing these back day one MADE IN GREAT BRITAIN THE ORIGINAL CELEBRATED ALTOIDS CURIOUSLY STRONG NATURAL FLAVOR TANGERINE SOURS" NET WT 1.76 0Z (50g) PRESS Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson - 1d What company do you think you guys would buy if you had a lot of money and wanted to feel something? And what impulsive & emotional changes would you make that would
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 24
    Font - Kingfisher & Wombat @UrsulaV I would absolutely buy Hot Topic, originally to make them carry decent plus sizes, then get weird and start demanding they carry Studio Ghibli themed vegetable seeds. Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson . 1d What company do you think you guys would buy if you had a lot of money and wanted to feel something? And what impulsive & emotional changes would you make that would ruin it Show this thread 12:37 AM 12/19/22 40 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 864 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 25
    Font - LIBERTY Baskerville @WB_Baskerville Starbucks. Stop burning the coffee and selling the milkshake drinks. We go back to playing jazz in the stores and having lots of comfy leather furniture for you to sit in. It's not ruined, it's great. Everyone loves me. Iraq and the 2008 crash never happened, it's the 90s again. Jenny Nicholson What company do you think you guys would buy if you had a lot of money and wanted to feel something? And what impulsive & emotional changes would you make that w
    via @JennyENicholson
  • 26
    Font - brion Brian Grubb grub @briancgrubb i am buying mcdonalds and i am immediately sinking $2.3 billion into a six-season prestige television series big star attached, maybe dicaprio, possibly affleck about the hamburglar Jenny Nicholson @JennyENicholson - 1d What company do you think you guys would buy if you had a lot of money and wanted to feel something? And what impulsive & emotional changes would you make that would ruin it Show this thread 11:52 PM 12/18/22 10 Retweets 179 Likes
    via @JennyENicholson

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humor chuck e cheese twitter rainforest-cafe dave and busters brands elon musk tweets funny tweets companies funny money
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