Mother Forces Daughters To Wear Dresses To Appease 'Traditional' Grandparents

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 21, 2023 12:00 PM EDT

Part of being a parent is forcing your kids to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes, they have to eat yucky vegetables and finish the year of playing with their soccer team, even though they wanted to quit halfway through. However, there's a point where parents need to listen to what their kids are saying and act accordingly. One mother took to Reddit to ask whether she was the villain for forcing her teenage daughter to wear dresses when going over to their grandparent's house. There is usually an easy solution when you want your tomboy daughter to wear something nice to a formal event; You get her a suit or a pantsuit. Bam, perfect compromise! Unfortunately, these kids aren't forced to wear dresses because they're going to the ballet or church. Their grandparents are so "traditional" they get upset when they see girls wearing pants in any context. To make matters worse, these kids see their grandparents several times a week, being forced to wear clothes they hate around people who clearly don't respect them. What a nightmare!

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  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/Presentation Nice6101 15h 32 AITA for making my daughters wear dresses when they visit their grandparents? 1
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  • 02
    Font - My in-laws are what you would call traditional. They seem to think the world should have stopped 50 years ago, and think everthing since then is evil. They aren't racist (that I know of) or outwardly bigoted, but they just are very old fashioned.
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  • 03
    Font - My husband and I have three children (16f, 14f, 10m) and we go to visit all their grandparents since they live close. Here's the issue, they don't like the idea of women wearing pants. My MIL says it's "showing off" and my FIL always says it isn't christian. Now I'm pretty feminine, so I don't mind throwing on a dress when we stop by, but our daughters are not.
    via u/PresentationNice6101
  • 04
    Font - They don't like visiting my husbands parents, which breaks his heart, because we make them put on a dress before they go. They are both pretty tomboyish, and they never wear any dresses otherwise. I had to but each of them a few dresses specifically so they can go. To be clear it's not like they aren't allowed over if they wear pants, it's just that they won't shut up the entire time about how much they hate it.
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  • 05
    Font - Our daughters hate this, and think it's unfair. I guess it is, but in a lot of cultures women only wear skirts and dresses so I don't think it's a big deal. Plus it isn't like it hurts them to wear a dress a few times a week for a few hours. The issue is our oldest is planning to never speak to her grandparents again after she's 18, and I'm worried it's affecting them.
    via u/PresentationNice6101
  • 06
    Font - thecoffeefrog . 15h Partassipant [1] (S) 3 Awards My MIL says it's "showing off" and my FIL always says it isn't christian. This? Right here? Is the problem. YTA for letting your in laws treat your daughters this way. Reply 38.2k
    via u/thecoffeefrog
  • 07
    Font - No-Personality1840. 15h Partassipant [2] Yep. Has nothing to do with the in-laws age. My grandma was born in 1909 and she wore pants til the day she died. She wasn't very religious. 12.5k
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  • 08
    Rectangle - auntiecoagulent . 14h My mom-mom was born in 1917, and was very religious. She wore pants every day. Even to church. ... 46.9k
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  • 09
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  • 10
    Font - What the hell OP!?! These poor kids have to be subjected to them several times a week!?! You're worried they aren't going to speak to the grandparents again after they turn 18, you should be more worried they won't speak to you or your husband either. G 44.6k
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  • 11
    Font - calling water • 14h Partassipant [1] A few times a week, for a few hours each, would be a significant fraction of the time they're not in school or doing schoolwork. Especially since it would break other time up. So instead of having time for themselves, for social activities and/or extracurriculars or just to themselves, they're being dressed up and dragged to the grandparents' place to play pretend fundamentalist.
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  • 12
    Organism - And OP's husband is heartbroken that his daughters don't like visiting his parents how could he really expect anything else? How is he not heartbroken that his parents treat his daughters so poorly? 42k 2k
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  • 13
    Font - Rommie Leigh. 14h Partassipant [1] Right? My grandparents lived literally around the corner from us and we saw them once a week at the most. This is downright torture at this point. Your daughters deserve better. Have the conversation with your In-laws that you should have had years ago: that your daughters are in control of THEIR bodies and THEY get to choose what they wear. If the grandparents can't shut up about it, the kids don't have to go anymore. Edit: YTA ... 4780
    via u/RommieLeigh
  • 14
    Font - coatisabrownishcolor. 14h 2 Awards Hard agree. OP, the first thing you should have done is sat your in laws down, told them that your daughters are not comfortable in dresses, and that if they want a relationship with the girls, they need to keep their opinions on dresses to themselves. That's all it takes. My grandma is 85. She has some really strong views on religion, and the lack thereof in my house. I told her that if she wants to spend time with my kids, she had to stop telling them
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  • 15
    Rectangle - Ok-meow 14h ● Teaching woman to be submissive. Hell no! YTA 42k
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  • 16
    Font - Fairy Rabbit 14h ● (S Yes! It IS hurting her children. It's teaching them that they can be uncomfortable to make someone else happy. It's telling them that their body preferences are not as important as what someone else wants for their body. 4 Awards Mom and Dad should be the ones who protect their children no matter the circumstance. Not the one who says it's ok to let someone else make choices for you. That's a crap lesson and a slippery slope. Maybe next time all 3 kids should wear dr
    via u/ FairyRabbit
  • 17
    Font - 8daysgirl. 13h 1 Award was just like OP, one set of my grandparents your ILs and I have had virtually no relationship with them for my adult life. I can't think of a single memory of feeling relaxed or happy with them. There was always something they were picking at or criticizing. On the rare occasions I did see them as an adult, they criticized how little I visited the entire time, which in turn made me want to see them even less.
    via u/8daysgirl
  • 18
    Font - I also had a lot of resentment toward the parent who never stood up for me with them and subjected me to all of their criticism. Every visit felt like being an emotional punching bag for a couple hours and I couldn't wait to escape. My sister feels the same way. YTA and you need to do right by your kids. Sit down and have a conversation about what they want their relationship with their grandparents to be. I'm not saying never see them, but you may need to cut back, or your partner may ne
    via u/8daysgirl
  • 19
    Font - Some food for thought: I know there are some people who just really hate wearing dresses that much. But if your kids actually enjoyed spending time with your ILs outside of the dress thing, I don't think this would be such an issue. I'd encourage you to really think about what your visits like them are like from the kids' perspective and if the dresses are actually the true problem or a symptom of a different problem. 645
    via u/8daysgirl
  • 20
    Font - the_alicemay. 15h 1 Award YTA. I know it seems like it's just easier to get them to wear a dress but it's sending them the message that their feelings and comfort aren't as important as other peoples. Their grandparents should love them for them, not if they wear what they consider appropriate clothing. It's not 1950 anymore. G-parents need to accept things are different and you need to support your kids. Reply 14.9k ...
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  • 21
    Font - sarita_sy07 14h Asshole Enthusiast [7] Also, it's not like we're talking visits twice a year at Christmas and Easter or something like that... OP said "a few times a week"! That's kind of a lot to deal with, actually. And I'm not surprised they don't want to visit anymore, they've now come to associate visiting those grandparents with being forced to be uncomfortable. They're old enough now to start making their own decisions about this. And your husband is perfectly capable of saying, "W
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  • 22
    Font - Grazingthroo. 14h Right, like twice a year, Not that it's right or wrong but my family would turn it into a running joke and it'd be a funny albeit borderline traumatic memory but we'd talk smack how crazy our grandparents were... Multiple times a week like they're regularly in each other's lives is a no-go and ridiculous. 41.4K
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  • 23
    Font - No-Koala8996 - 15h 1 Award YTA, women wore pants 50 years ago. And qhy are the girls over at their place so much, if your In-Laws are not able to actually respect them? Reply 7.5k
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  • 24
    Rectangle - Low_Tourist 15h 1 Award I don't think people realize 50 years ago was the 1970s. 43.7k ..
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  • 25
    Font - No-Koala8996 - 15h And even if they are stuck im the 1950s, women wearing pants, was a thing back then. ... 41.9k 1.9k
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  • 26
    Rectangle - fire_soul_love. 14h And since the grandparents are using Christianity to back their views, let's talk about how back in Biblical days, neither women *nor* men wore pants. 41.2k
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  • 27
    Font - Left-Car6520 - 15h Commander in Cheeks [259] 3 Awards You are on the wrong side of history here, without question. YTA My grandmother used to fight with my dad about me not wearing dresses to church. God I hated dresses.
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  • 28
    Font - My grandmother was born before 1900, she had some very outdated ideas. And my dad was not exactly a hero dad in many ways, but in this aspect he stood up for me, hard. Against his own mother who he loved and admired very much. But on this he would not allow her to try to teach me that I had to follow these ridiculous expectations. I overheard it once, and it stayed with me for life. It mattered in many ways. It is really important to stand up for your girls on this. I don't think you unde
    via u/Left-Car6520
  • 29
    Font - poormansnormal. 15h Partassipant [1] 2 Awards HARD YTA. Your daughters will learn body autonomy from you, one way or another. They will either learn that their clothing is to be chosen for the whims and approval of others, or that they have the freedom to express their individual desires and preferences. It is very telling that it's the girls whose clothing is being dictated, and not their brother. Think about that, take all the time you need. As their parent, your only responsibility her
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  • 30
    Font - Visual_Humor_2838 15h Partassipant [4] ● YTA I see your logic about how women in other cultures have to dress a certain way. But there are a few key points here: 1. Women in other cultures also don't like being told what to wear. 2. In THIS culture, most people no longer approve of telling women what to wear. 3. These grandparents sound like ungracious and insufferable people regardless of whether their preferences in female clothing are adhered to, so why are we trying so hard to appease
    via u/=Visual_Humor_2838

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dresses aita teenager kids crazy things parents say teenagers traditional grandma parenting Grandpa grandparents reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail parents Parenting FAILS
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