AITA: ‘I want a separate bedroom’ : Couple pays 50/50 rent, entitled boyfriend demands all spare rooms to himself, girlfriend claims 'it's not fair' and asks for separate bedroom

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Mar 11, 2023 5:00 PM EST

Moving in together with your significant other is as charming as it is stressful. This is the time you truly get to know them. Sharing a living space with anyone can be emotionally draining, and it's normal to want some space for yourself. One woman took to Reddit, sharing the news of her moving in with her boyfriend. They were going to rent a three-bedroom house and had two spare rooms that they were figuring out what to do with.

The entitled boyfriend thought it was totally legitimate to demand that one be his office, and another, a gym. OP thought it didn't make sense that both rooms would serve him, as they were paying 50/50, and she'd always wanted a bedroom for herself, as she'd been riddled with roommates and never had her own space. Scroll down to read what she, and other Redditors, had to say.

For more stories like this, check out these relatable dating fails.

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  • 01
    Plant - "Is this a red flag?" When discussing the use for one of the spare rooms in our soon to be house, I mentioned wanting to turn it into a bedroom for myself when I want to be alone. My fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for an at home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for when my fiancé needs to work from home. I argued that he already has a claim over one of the spare rooms and I should be allowed to use the other one for myself.
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 02
    Font - r/AmIthe/ ole Posted by u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9 6 hours ago AITA for wanting my own room? 2 I (24F) and my fiancé (25M) are moving into a small 3 bedroom house together in a couple of months. I had never had my own room growing up and share a room with a roommate in my current living situation to save up money. I always felt the need to share and felt guilty when I wanted to be alone in my room but couldn't since someone else was there. The only time I had a room all to myself was when my
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 03
    Font - When discussing the use for one of the spare rooms in our soon to be house, I mentioned wanting to turn it into a bedroom for myself when I want to be alone. My fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for an at home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for when my fiancé needs to work from home. I argued that he already has a claim over one of the spare rooms and I should be allowed to use the other one for myself. I told him that I was looking forward
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 04
    Font - He said he would change his mind on wanting a gym if we agreed to turn the second room into a guest bedroom that both of us can use when we want to be in our own space. I feel like I would still be sharing. If I have a room to myself to use and he wants to be alone at times, I can just go into my own room, and give him the space he wants. We would be splitting expenses 50/50 so I don't think I am being that unreasonable. AITA for wanting to have my own room?
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 05
    Font - DragonFireLettuce Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 6 hr. ago Ⓒ NTA - if you are moving into a 3 bedroom house, and you both share one bedroom to sleep in, and your are sharing expenses equally - your fiancé can not FAIRLY claim both other rooms for himself (gym and office.) His COMPROMISE is that he gets one of the rooms to himself and he "shares" the other two with you.
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 06
    Font - You're allowed to ask for a room of your own. You don't need to justify why you want it, it could be a home library, an office, a craft room - whatever you want. You do not, I repeat, DO NOT, need to justify wanting one of the two spare rooms to claim for yourself. De on this hill. This is your fiance showing you. "What mine is mine, what is yours is also mine." Which is total bi t. You don't want a future with a partner with that selfish of a mindset. You can ask for fair. And you don't
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 07
    Font - td1176 6 hr. ago "What's mine is mine, what's yours is also mine" This was my exact thought. He sounds like a controlling person who only prioritizes his own wants and needs. 1.0k Reply Share
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 08
    Font - ObvAnonym 3 hr. ago I wouldn't jump to controlling, but he's definitely selfish. 282 Reply Share Animekaratepup - 2 hr. ago Partassipant [2] It's really common for people in controlling relationships, whatever those relationships are, to just go from one to the other because the new relationship looks better than the last. You're not noticing the red flags because you're so relieved it's not worse.
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 09
    Font - Controlling isn't a di word. There's different levels. OP has never had a say in their own space. They feel guilty for even wanting one. They're moving in with someone who's supposed to help them in life, and all it took was for him to question their decision for them to wonder if they're a bad person just for wanting privacy. It's not necessarily a red flag, but it's at least a yellow one.
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 10
    Font - I would say that I wonder what else has been overlooked or shoved aside for the sake of keeping the peace. I would really evaluate that before getting married. Better to seem petty now than to be locked in with someone you're not actually compatible with because you didn't realize it earlier. 138 Reply Share ...
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 11
    Font - Left-Car6520 - 6 hr. ago Commander in Cheeks [267] Just call it your office. It's very bold of him to claim one room for himself and also want to dictate the use of the other room. He gets an office, you get an office. He can put his gym in his office if he wants. Easy! ΝΤΑ 1.9k Reply Share
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 12
    Font - vintagelego 6 hr. ago NTA. I feel like men have their own rooms (mancave, "office", "gym") is so normalized, yet when women want one it's a whole as thing. If you NEED a guest bedroom, maybe you can work it into a little part time office/space for yourself and a guest room as needed. Or maybe he can do the same with the gym. But otherwise it's a him problem. 1.1k Reply Share
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 13
    Font - Outrageously_Penguin - 6 hr. ago e Aficionado [13] 1 NTA. I don't get people saying otherwise- he's getting an office all to himself, also wanted a gym for himself, but says it's selfish for you to want a room for you? You can have a bed in one of the rooms that guests can sleep in while still not sharing it. There's nothing wrong with couples having space for themselves. Don't let people shame you for wanting it and certainly don't let him tell you it's OK for him to have his own too but
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 14
    Font - RebelliousRecruiter 4 hr. ago And the office is only when he works from home, implying he doesn't work from home every day. Reply Share 147 shellybearcat. 4 hr. ago I don't think the issue is who is claiming what number of rooms we're having space to themselves. I can understand it being a bit offputting if my new spouse-to-be was informing me that the want a separate BEDROOM as soon as we move in together. Reply Share 38
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 15
    Font - brandnewsquirrel. 6 hr. ago Partassipant [3] ΝΤΑ 3 bedrooms.... 1 shared and 1 each is fair. He wants 1 shared and 2 all his. He is being selfish. He can put some work out things in his office if he wants...his space to decide. Stand your ground...having your own space is perfectly reasonable. 431 Reply Share
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 16
    Font - moreKEYTAR. 5 hr. ago OP, your fiancé had a vision for his home: a bedroom with you, a quiet office for him to concentrate, and a home gym or guest room. He got excited to finally have the space he needs to work, entertain, relax, etc. He was so happy to have someone help pay for this great vision. But he forgot one thing: you are a person whose needs and wants are just as important as his. Your vision for the house-what does that look like? It is not typical to have a room that your part
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 17
    Font - uncomfortable. It is entirely possible that the idea of him not being able to enter a room in the house makes him Just as not having a space for yourself makes you uncomfortable. Sit down and talk about how the rules for each spare room should be the same; either they are entirely private for each of you, or they are more accessible with each person having a bit more ownership. You both deserve to be comfortable in the space. NTA, because he started this whole thing by trying to walk all
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 18
    Font - Throgmortenstars. 2 hr. ago I don't think OP means that her partner can never enter the space, just that it's her space. Presumably that means knocking before entering and her partner not just using it as a place to hang out whenever. The way you'd treat someone else's bedroom in your house generally. 68 Reply Share ...
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9
  • 19
    Font - Mangosaregreat101.6 hr. ago NTA. Everyone saying OP is full of red flags for wanting their own space needs to chill TF out. If they're splitting expenses 50/50 then why should the husband get his own room when she doesn't? It's a different story if kids are involved but I don't see any mention of kids in her post. All of you need to stop disrespecting people who don't have the benefit of WFH (even once in a while). The husband wanting a home office for occasional WFH is not a strong reaso
    via u/_throwaway_1_3_5_7_9

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humor relationship troubles aita separate-bedroom entitled-boyfriend renting-a-house moving in unfair girlfriend couples Rent-lease red flags bedroom home owner rude
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