Like it or not, social media addiction is a 100% real affliction. And boy, are we afflicted. At the start of each day, I have dreams. Goals. Hopes. Wants. For example, I've been staring at Fernando Pessoa's The Book of Disquiet for months now. It's collecting dust on my bedside table, and yesterday I promised myself I would read at least a few of the poems. By the time I finished my work for the day, I was too brain-dead to even turn a page. That's where social media came in.
Instead of reading some intimate and darkly relatable poetry, I spent my evening staring at two screens. On one was the new David Attenborough series Wild Isles, and on the smaller screen was Instagram and Twitter. But mostly Twitter. The amount of time I spend mindlessly scrolling is honestly disturbing. So in the spirit of escaping the infinite scroll, here are some fresh and funny tweets we've compiled so you can enjoy the wit of Twitter without scrolling your life away. You're welcome.