‘Bank Robber (texting via my phone): Your employee is tied up right now’; Workers share the best excuses they have actually had to use for not coming into work

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Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
May 27, 2023 1:00 PM EDT

We have all had to call out of work for whatever reason. Maybe you're not feeling well so you call in sick. Or maybe you're just feeling the pressures of capitalism and need a mental health day. Or maybe you missed a flight. Whatever it is, you tend to keep it brief and hope for the best. At least that's the usual consensus. However, there are some employees who work for toxic managers who don't trust their excuses and pry for more and more proof of why they are missing work. 

Well, when they do that, you just gotta give them what they want. You've got food poisoning? Don't hold back on every detail about it. One Redditor posted a question asking what has been the craziest line people have used to call out of work and boy to some people have some wild stories. From quitting on the spot to gross details, some people really let their managers have it. One guy was literally being held hostage during a bank robbery and the robber took his phone to text his boss he was "tied" up. (We hope pun intended…)

Check out some of our favorite responses to the question below!

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  • 01
    Computer - Posted by u/Weary_Valuable3300 22 hours ago Best excuse for not coming into work? 777
    via u/Weary_Valuable3300

    Photo by u/freepik-katemangostar

  • 02
    Font - What was the best excuse you have come up with for not going into work? For me, it was "I quit 2 weeks ago. I am NEVER coming in again." Anyhow, in another group this was asked and I had to laugh when someone wrote this as the reason that they were not coming into work:
    via u/Weary_Valuable3300
  • 03
    Font - "Sorry boss these past couple days have been quite explosive. I'll spare you the details but it's a complete disaster. Like lava coming out of places you don't want it to come out of. It has unfortunately affected my ability to work the past 48 hours but seems to be improving. I'll keep you posted. Thank you"
    via u/Weary_Valuable3300
  • 04
    Font - StOnywall 22 hr. ago Sr. Sysadmin Boss: (texts me) Why aren't you at work yet? Me: I'm here but can't move right now. Boss: I don't care what your excuse is, get in here and to your desk. Something is happening and we need all hands on deck. (his favorite line)
    via u/St0nywall
  • 05
    Font - Me: Sorry boss, still can't move. Boss: Get up here NOW!!!!! Boss: Where are you!! Bank Robber (texting via my phone): Your employee is tied up right now.
    via u/St0nywall
  • 06
    Font - The bank branch on the main floor of our building was being robbed and I was held hostage for a couple hours. Honestly, it was a great couple hours away from work and that boss. Actually got to finish a coffee in peace! No they didn't get away. They did smash my phone and the coffee was from a nice police officer when I was being interviewed afterwards.
    via u/St0nywall
  • 07
    Font - Ifuqaround 20 hr. ago You don't feel well. That's it. You owe nothing else legally and there's nothing they can do about it.
    via u/Ifuqaround
  • 08
    Font - 981flacht6 14 hr. ago ● Honestly, this was the best line I found to use and nobody asks anything else. My neighbor is a manager and he told me all his subordinates just give him random details and he really doesn't want to know any of it. You have sick days - use them as needed.
    via u/981flacht6
  • 09
    Font - wazza_the_rockdog - 6 hr. ago Used to be a people manager and yep, if you're sick that's all I want to know! Feel free to share when you expect to be back in if you know, but I don't need or want the details of your illness.
    via u/wazza_the_rockdog
  • 10
    Font - gort32 16 hr. ago "I am not in the headspace today where I should be trusted with root access. I'll be back tomorrow."
    via u/Gort32
  • 11
    Font - Normal-Ad-1903 · 7 hr. ago . In college working at a grocery store, a girl (who was very dependable) didn't show up one day. She didn't return any phone calls, and after a week of no- call/no-show they terminated her. She showed up about a month later in a full back brace - "I've been in a coma for the last month. Do I still have a job?" Turns out she was in a terrible car accident and nobody knew.
    via u/Normal_Ad_1903
  • 12
    Font - Gods-Of-Calleva 21 hr. ago A girl I went to school with, a few years down the line, called up work on a Monday with the excuse "Sorry can't come in, I've had a baby". Back story, she had no idea she was pregnant. I've no idea how that happens, lets stay away from the medical side of things, but it happened.
    via u/Gods-Of-Calleva
  • 13
    Font - ooblongtea 8 hr. ago Had a coworker retire via an 000 message. HR is a shitshow on a good day, he processed everything, HR was to notify his manager but didn't as the O chart they referred to was out of date.
    via u/ooblongtea
  • 14
    Font - When I was much younger and working in landscaping in a beach town, we had more than "can't make it, sick". Once I called out the same and 15 min later my boss for the landscaping place paddled out next to me (surfing). It was pretty amusing.
    via u/ooblongtea
  • 15
    Font - HerfDog58 5 hr. ago Jack of All Trades At a previous job, we had an automated absence reporting system that we could access over the phone or via Web. I had a fantasy that if I hit the lottery for an absurd amount of money, I would call the support team for that app and say "The reason for my absence isn't among the available choices."
    via u/HerfDog58
  • 16
    Font - "What's the reason?" "F*ck You, I quit." I shared that with the support lead, and she told me if it happened, she'd do an override and put that in as the reason. Never got to use it...
    via u/HerfDog58
  • 17
    Font - Gazrpazrp 6 hr. ago My mental health wellbeing requires me to play Diablo 4 for the next 5-6 days without stopping.
    via u/Gazrparzp
  • 18
    Font - DumbshitOnTheRight 7 hr. ago Of course I'm crazy but I'm not wrong Fainted at work at a retirement party (not mine). Got too late to call the night before, so I waited until morning. "Yea, Boss. I'm going to be out of work for a while. They found a massive tumor in my heart. I'll probably be back in March."
    via u/DumbshitOnTheRight
  • 19
    Font - OO Livid Lager 5 hr. ago Went out for lunch with a handful of coworkers, and stopped at a gas station. As we're walking in a car speeds into the parking lot quickly followed by a dozen or so cop cars, they all jump out with their guns drawn.
    via u/LividLager
  • 20
    Font - One cop parked me in, and we were stuck there for ages. My boss was A. Not happy, B. Claimed that she didn't believe me initially, C. Told me I should have told the cop to move. On a good note, she eventually got fired for treating people like shit, supposedly.
    via u/LividLager
  • 21
    Font - kebemi2023 10 hr. ago A former co-worker once told our team his neighbour's dog had ran away and he was going to help search for it. Insanity.
    via u/kebemi2023

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management sick days boss work-advice calling out toxic-managers career advice calling in sick excuses funny responses toxic-boss workplace calling-out-of-work toxic-work-environment
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