'They can't afford a child': Couple asks friends and family to finance their $27,000 IVF treatment, get offended when their sibling refuses to give them $10,000

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  • 01
    Font - u/Porkchop-Sure-21 23 hours ago ▸ AITA Refusing to pitch in money toward my sister-in- law's IVF treatments and telling her and my brother that their future children are not my responsibility? Not the A-hole
  • 02
    Font - My brother Reid and sister-in-law Nora have always wanted children. However, they are unable to conceive naturally. Nora had multiple ovarian cysts and eventually needed to have both her ovaries removed as a teenager. Reid and Nora are in their early thirties and are very urgent about needing to try sooner than never because they say they are approaching an age where IVF success rates start to decline.
  • 03
    Font - Because of Nora's past medical issues, I am told that she will need extra care and her round of treatments will be especially expensive; A little over $27,000. Reid and Nora already have $9,000 set aside in savings for IVF treatments. They've raised $1,000 from friends. The rest of the family is pitching in smaller amounts as well. My mother is giving $2,000, Nora's sister Lauren is giving $1,000, and her parents are giving $4,000. Which leaves about $10,000 left.
  • 04
    Font - Their insurance will not help to cover it because they don't consider it a medically necessary procedure. Reid and Nora have also had difficulty qualifying for an IVF loan as they have poor credit. Reid and Nora are asking me to help because, according to the loan advisor, I am allowed to take out the loan on Reid and Nora's behalf.
  • 05
    Font - $10,000 is a huge ask for me. And the fact that Reid and Nora have poor credit shows they already don't have a good track record of paying back loans. When I questioned why they didn't ask Lauren, they claimed they couldn't because she isn't single and childless like I am. (They see it as me not having any dependents.) My mother and parents-in-law don't have a lot of savings, and their earlier mentioned donations were already a huge gift for them.
  • 06
    Font - It takes a long time to correct a bad credit score and it makes things much more difficult. And, harsh as it is to say, I don't want to take out thousands of dollars in a loan for a procedure that has a good chance of not even working. So I told Reid and Nora no and that their future children are not my responsibility. I also wanted to put my foot down now. Because next it's gonna be private school tuition or a college fund, and that shouldn't be my responsibility just because I am curren
  • 07
    Font - Nora was obviously disappointed but told me she respected my choice. Reid was angry, he told me that he would remember this for when I am ever in a time of need so that I will know how it feels to have family turn their back on me. The rest of the family members have essentially told me "We're not mad at you, just disappointed." Because Nora worried for years that she would never be able to have children or be a mother. They say Reid and Nora would be wonderful parents, and isn't right th
  • 08
    Font - However, I still stand by Nora and Reid's future children not being my responsibility. I don't think it's fair that I should delay or give up the possibility of starting my own family in order to finance Reid and Nora's. AITA?
  • 09
    Rectangle - Easy-Locksmith615 - 23 hr. ago Partassipant [2] NTA. And as a mom I wonder if they can afford having a child if they can't even take a 10k loan.
  • 10
    Font - ann_withno_e 22 hr. ago I agree but this is a bad take, it's not the same spending 27k in a single instance or treatment than spending the same amount over a year or two. I don't have 10k right now nor can I take a loan for that amount, but my salary would be more than enough to sustain me and a child and even save a little over time.
  • 11
    Rectangle - Helpful-Literature73 22 hr. ago It's not a bad take, because you can qualify for the hypothetical loan, and this couple cannot. If they don't have $10 for the procedure, AND their credit is too poor to qualify for the loan, they can't afford the child. ↑ 7.2k ↓ Reply Share
  • 12
    Font - Jedisilk015 edited 19 hr. ago 21 hr. ago. 100% THIS. Plus her sister-un- law understood and accepted OPs decision. She knows she was asking for something HUGE from OP and was grown up enough to understand people may not give her the money. Truth be told, they should be focusing on fixing their financial problems first...
  • 13
    Plant - NovaAlis 21 hr. ago Yes. If they can't get 10k, they must have horrible credit. Also, it might not work! It's a 27k gamble! If it doesn't work, then what??
  • 14
    Font - GiraffeThoughts 20 hr. ago Partassipant [1] Plus... she's known she would have this issue for over a decade, and I'm assuming her husband has known for a bit too. They should have been on top of the credit situation.
  • 15
    Rectangle - MagicMantis 19 hr. ago Or better yet have saved up some money?
  • 16
    Font - archivesgrrl 15 hr. ago Partassipant [3] Or Gotten a second job??I did IVF and there are a bunch of different online forums and I know Starbucks and I think UPS cover IVF so people get second jobs at those places to afford the treatments.
  • 17
    Font - jean24k 17 hr. ago How about adoption?... They should start getting their finances in order, credit rating above 700 and start procedures for finding out how "worthy" they are for adopting.
  • 18
    Font - jedi_dancing 16 hr. ago Adoption is not always cheaper or easier. And different states and countries, not to mention agencies, have different age cut-offs that they may be approaching. Plus, if people don't want to adopt, please don't encourage them to, as that way leads to child neglect.
  • 19
    Font - bromanjc edited 1 hr. ago 16 hr. ago. i agree that they need to be focusing on their finances before creating new human beings, but it's a bit sketch to consider adoption an alternative to conception. its a very different lifestyle choice and responsibility
  • 20
    Font - jean24k 16 hr. ago yep, sure is. People outside of your family look at your finances, behavior, psychological makeup and worthiness to be parents. If they can't afford to go the IVF route and still want a child and can meet the requirements, then it's all about love.
  • 21
    Facial expression - "As a mom, I wonder if they can afford having a child if they can't even take a 10k loan."

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