'My intern [is] benefitting from pretty privilege': Jealous employee gets into tense argument with intern after discovering office secret

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Jul 8, 2023 4:00 PM EDT

There's definitely a right and wrong way when it comes to handling these kinds of office revelations. This employee definitely did not handle this well. First of all, she clearly has a difficult relationship with her own self-esteem and her own sense of workplace dynamics given her reactions and her use of the term "pretty privilege." Whatever that backstory may be… it certainly played a role in informing how she responded to the news that her intern and her boss were romantically entangled.

 

Our next big question is what held her back from informing HR and choosing not to involve herself further. Was it a desire to stir the pot herself? Was it fear of retaliation from the higher-ups at the law firm? Or was it some genuine belief that she was acting mature about the whole thing? Any answer to those questions signals a profound lack of self-awareness, which was already very much evident in her Reddit post alone. Furthermore, the fear of retaliation says everything I need to know about this toxic workplace environment and the backward office dynamics that exist within it. This, of course, is not the fault of the Redditor, but she is at fault for shaming her intern. On top of that, she wasn't just against the concept of an office affair. In fact, her wording reveals an insecurity that she herself isn't pretty enough to have one of her own. This shows that she's coming from more of a jealous place than one of genuine concern. 

 

Keep scrolling below to read the full story and the wide range of feedback from folks in the comments section. When you're done, feel free to take a look at this story about an employee who revealed their low salary online and got reprimanded for it.

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  • 01
    Font - "My intern [is] benefitting from pretty privilege"
    via Trent Erwin
  • 02
    Font - AITA for telling my intern she's benefitting from "pretty privilege"? Everyone Sucks I (27F) work at a competitive law firm after a year of interning. We bring on a batch of new interns each year, and I am responsible for supervising a few of them. The group I am supervising is very hardworking, however I've had a complicated situation come up and think I haven't handled it the best.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 03
    Font - Last weekend, there was a work party at one of the associate attorney's houses. At the party I found one of my interns, Isabel (26F) and a senior associate, Sam (37M), hooking up.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 04
    Font - Now, I personally am not the type of person to care for or get involved in workplace drama. However, I felt a bit bothered. The senior associates at our firm control which interns get put onto cases. I was an intern just last year, so I understand just how hard it is to get the higher-level and interesting cases, and how difficult it can be to show senior associates that you're someone they want on their case.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 05
    Font - The next Monday I asked Sam if I could have a private word with him, and asked him about his relationship with Isabel. He explained that they met before she started working here and that it was a "casual relationship". I made it clear to him that I don't have any interest in interfering, but if I see any preferential treatment towards Isabel, I will have reason to speak up again and do something, out of ethics and fairness to the other interns. He took it well and we moved on with the day
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 06
    Font - Over the next few days though, I started noticing more at-work interactions between the two, and felt uneasy whenever Sam would let Isabel contribute more directly to case-preparation compared to the other interns. Then again, I only kept an eye out and avoided getting involved as I hadn't seen anything that could be called blatant "favouritism". But at work today, I had pretty tense interaction with Isabel.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 07
    Font - Isabel and I were in a workroom alone and she confronted me and mentioned me seeing her and Sam. She tried to explain that it was external to the firm and had nothing to do with work- but I cut her off because I felt a bit angry. I explained that I don't really want to hear about her and Sam's relationship and don't want to see it either. It makes me uncomfortable knowing that she is sleeping with someone who can be considered "our boss". I told her that me and a lot of others have worked
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 08
    Font - Isabel seemed very flustered at my response, and didn't say anything. She ended up taking her things and leaving the workroom pretty abruptly, and I didn't see her for the rest of the day. Was I too harsh in what I said? AITA for implying that she has or is benefitting from "pretty privilege"?
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 09
    Font - Wayward Princess1025. 7 days ago ESH. And you seem insufferable. Just report them to HR and be done with it. Don't go around threatening people and getting into arguments at work. 104 Reply Share
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 10
    Font - movezlikeyaeger OP. 7 days ago The thing is with reporting to HR that as a junior associate, I might get informally "blacklisted" by senior associates and higher- ups from future opportunities. I know in theory reporting to HR is what people should do bc that's quite literally the purpose of HR, but the anonymity of reports is basically nonexistent here. News of "who reported who" leaks out really easily, and those who do report lose opportunities over time to move higher up and tend to l
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 11
    Font - I'd definitely report and leave it at that if it weren't for how messy it would get for my own future advancement. At a bit of a loss now on what to do. 4-55 Reply Share
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 12
    Font - Timely_Egg_6827 7 days ago Not sure why you are blaming Isabel. The more responsible party is Sam, your boss, the one in a position of authority over her. He is the one that needs to keep it professional. You were quite correct in your approach to him.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 13
    Font - But you were quite catty to a fairly young adult who may think she is (or may be) in a genuine relationship with Sam. You were brutal in saying that she was less deserving of being there and getting cases than anyone else because she is "pretty" and that attracted your boss. It may have done but you say she is also hard- working and no blatant favouritism. So check your own biases - are you just noticing when she works with Sam more because you know situation? Are you being judgemental wi
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 14
    Font - Situation is not ideal and ideally she and Sam shouldn't be working together. But if you can't work with her because you are resentful,then ask for her to be reassigned. You being unprofessional because she is doing something and you want to "punish" her for it doesn't do you any favours. And think about the fact your boss is hitting on a girl a decade younger -is he often predatory? (If not, then even ugly people can benefit from connections at work.) Edit as boss may be above board too.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 15
    Font - dibblechibbs 7 days ago Certified Proctologist [22] YTA. They're possibly being inappropriate, but even you admit they haven't done anything actionable. However, the way you spoke to her is atrocious and incredibly unprofessional. 53 Reply Share
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 16
    Font - ItsOk_ItsAlright 7 days ago YTA. It's not pretty privilege. It's favoritism because they're dating. This is why most companies have a strict rule against dating coworkers. However, the way you handled it came off as jealous and unprofessional. Pretty privilege would be if she got things that other, less attractive people didn't get, and had nothing to do with any real relationship. She's getting extras because he's favoring her because he's into her and they're dating. It's not right, but
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 17
    Font - regina_32646 days ago ESH. For the record, I was completely on your side until this sentence: I told her that me and a lot of others have worked extremely hard to get into this field and reach this firm, and that I will never "understand" or find any experience that can help me "empathize" with her situation as I have never, or will ever have, enough "pretty privilege" to be in a scenario where I get into a relationship with my boss.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger
  • 18
    Font - This...essentially says that you're not upset about their inappropriate relationship, you're upset that she is pretty enough that her boss would want to date her, which is stepping pretty hard on your own point, or at least the point I think you think you're making, and also is gross on several levels.
    via u/movezlikeyaeger

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