'I can't believe you said that': Work mom won't stop commenting on everyone's physical appearance, employee talks to management

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Sep 6, 2023 2:00 PM EDT

In every work environment, there tends to be a work mom, someone who isn't necessarily in charge but serves as an emotional support figure. However, apparently, not all work moms are universally supportive…

 

In this instance, we have a work mom who may have started out that way but perhaps due to cultural differences or simply due to a false sense of superiority, she started to manipulate those around her with incessant insults and unkind comments. At first, the Redditor who shared this story thought it might have been a language or a cultural barrier since she was from Peru. However, this lady was informed by OP and her coworkers that her comments were inappropriate and she continued to make them with no end in sight. That is a sign in and of itself that it's not merely cultural. It's a deeply flawed personality trait that needs to be corrected. Otherwise, she should lose her job.

 

The most upsetting part of the story is that OP and her coworkers went to management, and of course, they didn't do anything meaningful. They simply dismissed the complaints. What is the point of management existing if they won't protect their employees both externally and internally? Keep scrolling below to see what folks had to say in the comments section and to see what they recommended OP should do moving forward. For more stories like this, here are some more tales from your server.

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  • 01
    Gesture - "My coworker keeps insulting everybody's [appearance]"
    via Daniel Bradley
  • 02
    Font - My coworker keeps insulting everybody's weight and I'm unsure of how to approach it. I (24f) work at a restaurant. I have a coworker (let's call her Liz) who is in her 50s. She is a very sweet Peruvian woman. She told me she moved to America 2 years ago. English is her 2nd language and while she does know it, she is NOT fluent. She needs help reading things sometimes and if we use big words in front of her, she will not understand. She understands a lot of english for sure, but all basic
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 03
    Font - She has a great work ethic, always smiling, always willing to help, she cares about everyone, she is nice, and kind of the work mom to a lot of people there. My issue is that she is constantly insulting everybody's weight. I did not realize that Liz was doing this until yesterday. She is so, so nice, so it just seemed so unlike her. In the past, she's made comments to me like "don't eat too much of that, you don't want to get fat" or "another one?" If I was eating something she deemed unh
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 04
    Font - maybe in Peru, that's something that was socially acceptable to say? Or maybe she meant something else, but because of her lack of English vocabulary, maybe it was coming off wrong? Idk. So I never thought too much of it. I also know I'm not fat. I'm 5'8" and weigh exactly 160lbs. I go to the gym 5 days a week to gain muscle, so I am actually gaining weight, but it's all healthy and in muscle form.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 05
    Font - Yesterday, however, I realized this is a bigger issue, because I found out that she says these sorts of things to everybody who she deems overweight. I was walking by her, not even doing anything, and she grabs my arm and says she wants to tell me something.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 06
    Font - She used her Google translate to tell me that I need to buy new pants, because the ones I wear to work don't suit my body well and I look fat in them. I kinda laughed awkwardly and explained that I'm in uniform, so there isn't much I can do about the pants.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 07
    Font - Then she grabbed some extra skin that I have on my stomach (most people in the world have extra skin on their stomach, even her!!!) And told me that men won't find me desirable with the fat and I need a new wardrobe and to watch what I eat. That really hurt, tbh.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 08
    Font - She did this in front of a couple other staff members, so when I awkwardly walked away, they told me that she has said similar things to them as well. Apparently one girl went to go grab a soda to drink and Liz told her she should drink water instead because her body can't handle more soda. I started asking around and confirmed that she's said these sorts of things to anybody who she thinks isn't the picture of skinny health. Idk what to do. Advice?
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 09
    Font - We have gone to management. Management says that they don't think she means any harm by it and we should just laugh it off. But it does still hurt. One man asked her to please stop saying stuff to him a week or so ago, and apparently she told him ok, ok, then continued the next day, so I'm not sure if she fully understood the request. How do you politely tell a nice older woman that she's offending the entire staff and to please so she can go back to being our work mom?
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 10
    Font - Edit: this BLEW UP way more than i could have ever imagined. I want to sincerely thank everyone for taking the time to reply. I cannot individually reply to all of you, but I have read your responses and I will use some of these strategies moving forward. I for sure what to make sure Liz understands that we know she means well, and we understand that in Peru this was ok, but it doesn't come across well when she says these things so often in the US. Thank you all!
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 11
    Font - . Honey_Sweetness · 5 days ago "Wow, what a thing to say." "Huh, I don't know if comments like that are normal where you're from, but here that's considered really "Wow, how unnecessary and ." Every single time she says something like that? Call it out as I , because that's what it is. And report it every time to management as harassment, or HR if your company has one because then management can't just blow it off and pretend it's no big deal.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 12
    Font - People like her get away with being e because 'they're just so nice' the rest of the time. Venom from a blue-ring octopus isn't any less toxic just because the animal it comes from is cute and looks is, and if harmless. she physically grabs you again? Slap her hand away. That is straight up assault and not okay. She should never, ever be putting her hands on you. Ever.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 13
    Font - Just because someone looks cute and harmless and most of the time acts sweet and gentle doesn't mean their actions are any less vicious. A spoonful of sugar doesn't make the arsenic any less lethal. 110 Reply Share
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 14
    Font - Izzy4162305 4 days ago You describe her as "so, so nice" and then go on to describe behavior from her that is the exact opposite. If anyone ever grabbed the skin on my stomach they would not be using that hand for several months.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 15
    Font - Here 4 days ago WeGo_Steelers Say "it may be customary in Peru to comment on people's appearance but it is not acceptable here in country. It hurts people's feelings when you comment on their weight and clothing". If she is really a nice person she will stop. If she doesn't stop then she needs to be let go.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 16
    Font - Audmegmal 4 days ago Stop being polite
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 17
    Font - oylaura- 4 days ago Someone asked something like that of Ann Landers many years ago, and she recommended responding with, "I can't believe you said that!" Accompanied by stepping back, and looking aghast.
    via u/Throwawayyyy339
  • 18
    Font - Infinite Wonderful 5 days ago edited 4 days ago Type a polite yet assertive message to her. Bust out google translate, and email or show it to her in person, in her language. Something like: "Discussing weight is be sensitive and personal topic, and is not appropriate in a work setting. As such we request that you refrain from making comments about other people's weight, dietary choices, clothing or appearance."
    via u/Throwawayyyy339

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terrible coworkers workplace-stories toxic-workplace server work coworkers restaurant Horrible Bosses reddit thread Reddit toxic-work-environment
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