Judgmental Dad Splits Opinion After Telling Daughter She's a Disappointment For Becoming a Mom at 18

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 27, 2023 7:00 PM EDT

There are many terrifying aspects to being a parent, and one of these is managing expectations. Most moms and dads have certain hopes and dreams for their kids from even before they're born, but a lot of the time they aren't going to live up to every single one.

It's true, adaptability and flexibility are two words that always have to be a part of the parenting toolkit. For some, this gets more difficult when children grow up and start to make life decisions of their own that they might not necessarily approve of.

This was the subject of a recent AITA thread, in which a father shared how he disagreed with how his 23-year-old daughter had dealt with adult life so far. Revealing that he had expressed disappointment at her choice to drop out of school as a teen to have her son, Redditors were divided over whether he was entitled to express his opinion. Sometimes these topics need to be approached with a little more tact.

 

Advertisement
  • 01
    Font - r/AmltheAsshole u/throwaway09873415 • 1d AITA for telling my daughter she's a disappointment?
    via throwaway09873415
  • 02
    Font - I have two daughters (23f) (20f). They are both so beautiful and smart and I really love them both. I always wanted them to be strong and independent women who could stand on their own feet and I tried to raise them that way. They were both interested in volleyball, I always supported their interest. My younger is still playing in a team and also studying at a good university. She is really hardworking and even if she does not succeed in playing professional volleyball, she will definitel
    via throwaway09873415
  • 03
    Font - My older daughter quit both sports and school when she got pregnant at the age of 18. When she first told us that she was pregnant, I was very upset and advised her to have an abortion because having a child at such a young age would disrupt her life. She did not want to have an abortion and my wife supported her decision. To be honest, I was very insistent on her having an abortion at that time, but when I saw that she remained determined, I dropped the issue and supported her fully, eve
    via throwaway09873415
  • 04
    Handwriting - She got married quickly with the baby's father. Then she decided to stay at home and take care of her child and her husband started to work. I never wanted my daughter to be financially dependent on her husband, but I never voiced it either. But of course, my daughter know that I'm bothered by this.
    via throwaway09873415
  • 05
    Font - Yesterday we were having dinner with my daughters and my wife. My wife and daughter started talking about being a mother. My wife told her that even though I wanted her to have an abortion, I love my grandson very much now. My daughter asked me if that was so, and I said, "Of course I love him." I really love my grandson, but my daughter knew that I was bothered by her situation, so it didn't sound sincere at all.
    via throwaway09873415
  • 06
    Font - My daughter said I could give an honest answer. I told her that I really love my grandson but that I was disappointed that she had become a mother at an early age, had left school and her job and was now dependent on a man. She didn't argue with me but the rest of the night was a bit tense. At the end of the night she went home and my wife started a fight over what I said. I told her that she was the one who wanted an honest answer, but my wife is sure that I'm an AH. My younger one agree
    via throwaway09873415
  • 07
    Font - Edit: I'm not sorry that my daughter doesn't live the life I want, I'm sorry that she lives dependent on another person, and I can't say that their marriage is going very well. They chose the sport they wanted to be interested in, the university they wanted to go or their hobbies etc. I didn't force anything on them. All I want is for them to be self-sufficient. I also told my daughter that I would pay for a babysitter if she wanted to go back to school or get a job. Yes, she is only 23 y
    via throwaway09873415
  • 08
    Font - EmeraldB85 1d I am going to give you some serious advice and I hope you listen to it OP. I am the daughter in this situation. I got pregnant when I was 16. Was it a great idea? Absolutely not but once the decision was made it was done. Well my mom was exactly like you. Consistently bringing up things like how she thought my life would be different, she was disappointed I became such a young mother, she had such bigger plans for me, it's such a shame I didn't listen to her when she told me
    via Emerald885
  • 09
    Font - readthethings13579 1d In today's economy, you can stay in school, stay on the volleyball team and still end up living in a one bed apartment in your thirties with no kids and no husband. This is me. When I was OP's daughters' age, I followed all the rules. I stayed on the right path. I did what my parents and my religious community told me would lead to the happy, married, picket fence with cherubic little children life that I had been promised. And it didn't work. That life everybody swo
    via readthethings13579
  • 10
    Font - HappyTrifler 1d Partassipant [3] Question: Is your daughter happy being a wife and mother? I'm going to say YTA, even though I can understand being disappointed. That said, please keep in mind, that being a successful parent isn't about raising child to be who you want them to be, but raising them to be confident in who they want to be. If your daughter is happy, then that's all that matters.
    via HappyTrifler
  • 11
    Font - blumcamp 1d Unpopular Opinion, but NAH. Being financially dependent on another person is dangerous, specially as a woman. Even if the provider is not toxic, an accident or death could change everything. I my Opinion, both parents should be responsible for providing, is safer for the child. But the first months is really hard for the birth mother, so most of them stay in home for this period, not only for recovery but to stay close with the baby. After this, it's normal to go back, the dau
    via blumcamp
  • 12
    Font - littleloucc 1d OP, I think it's less that you're disappointed in your daughter, but that you're worried and scared for her. From your post and comments, you say that she's financially dependent on a marriage that isn't going well, and that she isn't taking steps to insure for her future by getting some training or education. That doesn't sound like a parent who is disappointed. You weren't talking about the career she "should" have had or the choices she "should" have made - some parents
    via littlelouce
  • 13
    Font - Perhaps it would be better, in a moment just between the two of you, to frame it that way. That while you love your grandson who came out of it, you're worried that the choices your daughter made in the past and moreover the choices she is making now leave her vulnerable. Not just to her marriage breaking down (no matter how much it seems to not be going well - that's not for you to say), but her spouse being out of work, or ill, or even passing away, or just the economy getting worse and
    via littlelouce
  • 14
    Font - Playful-Ad5623 1d I was prepared to call you the a shole from the title, but after reading what you have to say I'm going with "not the a shole". As a parent, we all have dreams for our children. We want to see them do better than us and to have it all and it can sometimes be difficult to accept when we see them falling short of that perfect life we have pictured in our mind. You would only be the a shole if you treated your child and grandchild differently because of it, refused to drop
    via Playful-Ad5623
  • 15
    Font - Melzilla79 1d Asshole Aficionado [19] YTA because your "honest" answer wasn't even what she asked. She asked if you loved your grandson and you somehow put enough attitude into your answer that she felt compelled to ask you what was up. You used a non related question as an opportunity to tell her, once again, that she's not who you wanted her to be and you don't approve. Your daughter is making a good life for herself, whether you think so or not. You have no right to punish her for bein
    via Melzilla79
  • 16
    Font - adoreme710 1d I get it. You want her to be able to take care of herself and not be trapped. Seems like you're more afraid for her than anything. I think that you'd have less of a belly ache over it if she was working and made her own salary and if her relationship with her spouse was strong. Maybe this was more of a conversation to have privately? I'm not sure it really needed to even be talked about at all? I don't see what her knowing you're disappointed accomplishes I guess. Unless you
    via adoreme710
  • 17
    Font - GoddessOfOddness 1d I am 50 yo. I got pregnant at 19. My mom told me what you told me thirty years ago. I still remember that moment, as it haunted my thoughts for such a long time. It took me years and years of therapy to get over it. Decades of it. That day I learned love wasn't unconditional from her. I've never trusted her again with my inner self or allow myself to be vulnerable to her again. Apologize to your daughter. She needs to hear it.
    via GoddessOfOddness
  • 18
    Font - Horror-Friendship-30 1d NTA, but your wife is. She baited you by bringing this up. She has no right to get mad that you then went on to answer the question that your daughter asked you. It's almost like your wife was trying to tell you, "See, I was right, the baby is here and all is well," when in reality it was you, looking down the road, saying, "What if she splits from this guy? How will she care for herself?" : Not Your MomFriend 1d Partassipant [1] Reply 4167 Is not only divorce that
    via Horror-Friendship-30

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

aita judgment teen mom conversation parenting dad reddit thread daughter Reddit mom son
Scroll Down For The Next Article