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Parent Admits to Daughter-In-Law She Wasn’t Invited to Family Outing Because of Her Weight

Everyone wants to be able to call themselves an honest person, but when the truth can hurt relationships and feelings, sometimes it's harder than it seems to be straight up with someone. Redditor u/Mysterious_Prior7438 recently explained to r/amitheasshole that whenever she goes on family outings that include her daughter-in-law, Beth, the whole day inevitably comes to a halt because Beth gets to exhausted to continue. It all came to a head when OP decided to go out with her daughters and purposely exclude Beth. When Beth called OP up asking why she wasn't invited, OP decided to be brutally honest with her, admitting it was because of her weight. Beth was predictably upset, which caused OP to turn to r/amitheasshole. 

Was OP unnecessarily insensitive, or just being honest? Redditors weighed in. 

Posted by Mel Dawn
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  • “AITA for telling my DIL she wasn’t invited due to her weight.” —u/Mysterious_Prior7438

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  • 1
    Font - We have done plenty of things that are not physically taxing with her, but even the small stuff she ends up on a bench half the day. We went to a small mall, half the day on the bench. It was window shopping. She is obese, her ankles are swollen from her weight. The connection between her weight and not walking far without a break is very obvious.
    Via u/Mysterious_Prior7438
  • 2
    Font - Post: I will try to keep this short. I have three girls and we still like to do girl trips for the day. My son got married to a girl named Beth. Now before her first kids she was average weight and after it got a lot worse. Her only kid is 8 years old at this point and she hasn't lost the weight. It's bad enough that she needs constant breaks walking.
    Via u/Mysterious_Prior7438
  • 3
    Organism - I used to like her and now I don't due to how she acts. Everywhere we go with her it is constant complaining that she is tired. The last girls trip to the mall was spent sitting on a bench half the day since she needed constant break. If you try to leave she will go on about abandoning her. It's annoying.
    Via u/Mysterious_Prior7438
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  • 4
    Smile - I invited the girls to go to a farm for pumpkin patch and pick some apples. It has big orchards and a ton of walking. We went it was a great time and some pictures went on Facebook. I got a call from Beth asking why she wasn't invited. I lied saying it was just a family trip and she accused me of lying.
    Via u/Mysterious_Prior7438
  • 5
    Font - I had enough and told her the truth. I told her she wasn't invited due her weight. That she forces us to stop all the time and it ruins the trips most days since we don't get to do half the stuff. She called me a jerk and hung up.
    Via u/Mysterious_Prior7438
  • 6
    Font - I am getting texts from my som saying to apologize but the girls are on my side and are sick of having trips ruined since we have to wait for her all the time. ↑ Share 15.5k 4809
    Via u/Mysterious_Prior7438
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  • The comment section

  • 7
    Font - KronkLaSworda • 22h Prime Ministurd [499] "are sick of having trips ruined since we have to wait for her all the time." At the risk of being called fatphobic, good for you. ΝΤΑ Why should your trips revolve around her? Why should you be forced to plan outings that are within your DIL's step limit? Finally, you're free to only invite your actual daughters to things, too. You aren't blocking her from any and all family gatherings. She just got blocked from this one, which I hope is the firs

    "I'm so tired of going somewhere and half the time is spent sitting on a bench. I want to do things not sit around" —OP

    "You would have been better to just say this. After all, it's not ultimately about her weight, it's about her behaviour (which is indirectly caused by her weight. Probably.) You could have directly addressed the behaviour without the fat shaming. She's not really 'too fat', she's 'too inactive'. Won't call you TA though because you have a good point. Just could have delivered it better." —u/fly1away

    "My daughters have done that before… it not getting through. I am also sick of lying/coddling to her. We all know it is her weight. I was already pissed that she called asking why I went out without her, then being called a liar. The truth seems so much better in that moment" —OP

    Via u/KronkLaSworda
  • 8
    Font - Alarming_Reply_6286. 22h Professor Emeritass [92] Personally, I would be extremely annoyed with anyone who asked why they were not invited when I just wanted to do something special with my daughters ... & then accused me of lying. Nope. I can understand your response. ΝΤΑ Beth pushed too hard so you pushed back. That's on Beth. Beth was trying to guilt you. - ETA — about the lying .... If you boldly ask someone why you were not invited to go apple picking or anyplace else in the world ..

    "I was annoyed by that. My first thought was apparently I can't do things without her with my kids" —OP

    "I truly do love all our kids SO's but sometimes, I want to just catch up with my kids at lunch or wherever. I don't need approval from anyone to do that. I would be less than thrilled if they demanded to know why they were not included in an activity. And then called me a liar! Oh hell no. You tried to give a kind response. It didn't work because Beth chose to push the issue & wanted the truth. Well … she got it." —u/Alarming_Reply_6286

    Via u/Alarming_Reply_6286
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  • 9
    Font - whoopsiedaisy63 • 21h I'm not as small as I used to be. If I know there is a lot of walking in an activity I am being invited on...l decline and say you know my knees are just not up to it. She needs to use her own common sense. MIL calls and invites her to do a 5 mile hike...she knows she can't do it...say maybe next time we can do something. MIL calls and says we are going to the mall for lunch and window shop. Say sure that's great I will join you for lunch and then leave...you know I'

    "To be Frank it's not a matter of weight, it's a matter of physical activity. One of my friends is tiny and she couldn't keep up with a walk on the beach. People have different levels of fitness and comfort with how long/fast they want to go. If going hiking, it's always nice to go to a hike with someone of your level (whether that be slow or fast)." —u/OGMWhyDoINeedOne

    Via u/whoopsiedaisy63
  • 10
    Font - cassowary32 • 21h Partassipant [3] NTA. There needs to be balance. Beth needs to bow out of things that too physically taxing for her, use mobility aids so that she doesn't hold up the entire group and not complain when others opt not to spend most of the activity time waiting on her. When you do include her on things, hopefully you choose things that don't require much walking and when you do need to leave her, don't cave to her whining. Tell her you love her and you'll meet back up in 2

    "The grandson is great, he is invited to family friendly events. No 8 year old wants to go window shopping or be stuck at a fancy restaurant for the night" —OP

    Via u/cassowary32
  • 11
    Font - hiseoh8 22h ● So I recently lost 60 lbs. 40 more to go. And NTA. I can't tell you how many places I couldn't go to. How much walking I could do BEFORE I allowed my weight gain that I could no longer do. I could see how it affected things and friends and I got so mad at myself. I was embarrassed and disgusted. I had heart failure. I had pulmonary issues. I GOT OFF MY ASS AND DID SOMETHING. Now im bench pressing 50 lbs (for now), i ran a 5k over the weekend (first in 3 years). And I bike 4
    Via u/hiseoh8
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  • 12
    Font - colsta1777• 22h NTA, but I would have explained nicer. Maybe frame it like you are looking out for her. Sorry didn't think you'd want to do all that waking. Last time we walked a lot, you needed lots of rest and complained the whole time. That leaves it open for her to realize her own shortcomings. And if she says she wants to go, you say ok, but we aren't taking a bunch of breaks. Reply 943
    Via u/colsta1777

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