New Wife Gets Shamed by In-Laws for Declining to Cook With the Women

Author image for Mel Dawn
Mel Dawn
Sep 20, 2023 6:00 PM EDT

It's pretty wild that some people still essentially think that women belong in the kitchen. In u/hatethistradition's case, her in-laws managed to mask their outdated opinions about gender roles until after she got married. Up until that blessed day, OP was always treated as a guest in her partner's mother's home. Once they tied the knot, however, her new MIL and SIL fully expected her to join them to cook all day in the kitchen while the men relaxed with each other. They knew OP hated cooking, and when she offered to help in literally any other way besides cooking, they shamed her in front of everyone and claimed her husband was being 'spineless' for standing up for her. In-laws sure can be crazy sometimes. 

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  • “I refused to cook and ‘chilled with men’” Posted by u/hatethistradition

  • 01
    Font - 1 (F28) dislike cooking. Don't get me wrong, I cook for survival. But it is not something I like or enjoy. At my in laws, both my MIL and SIL are stay at home partners and love to cook. Neither of their husbands lift a finger to help and they like it that way.
    via u/hatethistradition
  • 02
    Smile - Before marriage, I was treated as a guest. But since my marriage 6 months ago, they expect, want and demand I cook with them.. First few times I went along with it but I hated it. It took 5-7 hours to make food and do dishes.
    via u/hatethistradition
  • 03
    Font - So when they planned a get together last weekend and discussed the menu, I suggested ordering in. This way everyone can be more relaxed. They looked like I insulted them. I told them they can cook but to give me list of what I should make, I will buy it.
    via u/hatethistradition
  • 04
    Font - They said that's not how traditions work and if I hate it do much, I can relax with men. Thats exactly what I did. Much to their anger. I helped setting place and serving, but that was it.
    via u/hatethistradition
  • 05
    Font - As we were eating my husband commented how good something tasted. MIL immediately went on about how I wouldn't be cooking anything for him. When he said he can cook for himself SIL chimed in with how her husband or dad never had to cook a day in their life. How marrying lazy women like me has ruined his manhood.
    via u/hatethistradition
  • 06
    Font - I looked at my husband and we both left. MIL and SIL are blasting our phones over my arrogance and calling him spineless. Even my mom is taking their side now. But guess who don't care ? 17.8k ↓ 2020 ↑ Share
    via u/hatethistradition

  • The comment section

  • 07
    Font - Chasman1965 2d Ironically, he had a spine to walk out. That took more balls than anything else he could do. ↑ 42.8k G ...
    via u/Chasman1965

    "The part of being an adult I love is finding conviction in your own actions" —u/FactorOk4741

  • 08
    Font - Abby-Norman 2d My wife and I have been married 21 years, and I do ALL the cooking. It is relaxing for me and it allows me to be creative. I am constantly trying out different things I see on cooking shows. My wife, however, does all the baking. Baking things requires sticking to an established recipe if you want the final product to be worth a damn. I am one to constantly add extra stuff to see if it'll taste better. ↑ ... 3k д
    via u/Abby-Norman

    "Similar here. Although my wife sometimes cooks, she hates it. She does any and all baking and I love eating it - there's a reason I'm in such good shape! Round is an amazing shape..." —u/WokeBriton

  • 09
    Font - 01 DrHugh 2d When we dated in college, I had to show my now- wife how to brown hamburger; she'd never really cooked. We never subscribed to the gender roles on this sort of stuff. I'm very happy spending hours in the kitchen on a big meal. Of course, my wife is very into sports, which doesn't interest me. She also doesn't wear makeup. One time, when we were talking about having kids, she worried about having a girl because she wouldn't be able to show them how to put on makeup. I said she
    via u/DrHugh
  • 10
    Font - Kittytigris 2d That's freaking hilarious. In my very Asian family, the men are the ones cooking the celebration meals, not the women. My grandmother doesn't trust any of her DILs with her family recipes, only her sons! ↑ ... 324
    via u/Kittytigris
  • 11
    Font - Wuellig 2d "I was taught that my value to men is measured in meals, and your refusal to validate me is a threat to my very sense of self! To defend against this outrageous attack, I will insult you both in hopes of shaming you into conformity with my worldview, because that's what was done to me!" Grody to the max. ... ↑ 2.8k
    via u/Wuellig
  • 12
    Font - Kirkuchiyo 2d them. My wife hasn't cooked regularly since the late nineties. We got married in 1990 and she just cooked. In 1996 I was laid up at home for 6 months and the Food Network had just come on cable. I discovered I liked cooking and, honestly, was better at it than her. So I've cooked ever since. Go with what works. Oh, and f them
    via u/Kirkuchiyo

    "I am 68. My southern wife is a fantastic cook, she just doesn't care to. We eat one meal a day together and I cook it virtually every night and always have. She does get in the mood to cook around holidays. This is probably a subtle way of saying I am just a moderate cook. She never complains about the food and rarely makes suggestions. We also go out at least once a week for date night. I also grocery shop as I find it and cooking both rather cathartic. Do what works." —u/dlong562

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marriage men cooking malicious compliance in laws mother in law family stereotypes reddit thread women gender roles
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