Cruel Hotel Manager Threatens Termination Over Employee's Hair Dye Stains

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 29, 2023 6:00 PM EST

Having a dress code or a uniform can be tricky business. I had a uniform for most of my grade school career, and hated every minute of it. As someone who self-expresses through clothing, I raged against all the plaid and the navy. There was no way for me to get creative, as we weren't allowed any makeup, jewelry, or any riffs on the boilerplate get-up. I understand the reasoning behind it. It definitely made things faster in the mornings, but once I broke free from it, I never looked back. Since then, luckily, I've held jobs with pretty loose dress codes. It helps me feel like me.

Beyond self-expression, dress codes are tough to navigate because it can be hard to know if you're in violation, as the language in the handbook is often vague. Like in the instance of a hotel employee, who recently shared her nightmare saga about a nonsensical dress code violation. 

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  • 01
    r/antiwork u/mescalinebabies • 6d ● Possibly going to get fired for "appearance and grooming"... due to a stain on my skin
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 02
    Literally don't know where else to go but I work nights shift at a hotel. When I first got hired I had multiple facial piercings in ans a funky way of dressing and doing my hair. They originally wanted me to be clean cut but after some back and forth they've let me keep my piercings in so as long as I dress business casual. Fair. So I wear plain button ups and pencil skirts with tights. No biggie. At one point I had dyed my hair (black) and the dye I used changed their formula so it stained my s
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 03
    That was about 2 weeks ago and today in my email I see I'm being called in for a performance review meeting. And attached is a FINAL WARNING (meaning any further action is termination) due to violating dress code. The only infraction that's listed under "examples of violation"? Hair dye stains on hands and arms.
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 04
    The email discussed "how they're going to proceed further with my employment".. I'm literally gagged. I can't believe this. This is the only time I've ever gotten a warning here, verbal or written. I almost feel like crying. A final warning over accidental dye stains that I can't remove? Plus I work night shift!! No one barely sees me. I'm at a loss over what to do. I looked over the handbook and it does say we have to be well groomed but I've never called out, barely ever late, always do the wo
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 05
    Kamimitsu • 6d Buy a pair of long white (or whatever matches the color of your outfit) gloves. Edit: and a small tiara, just for effect
    via u/Kamimitsu
  • 06
    mescalinebabies OP. 6d LOL that would be perfect smartassery. I'm just extra upset because this dye stains thing happened 2 weeks ago, and the next time I showed up to work I had gotten rid of the stains!! Like.. so confused!
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 07
    Philosemen69 - 6d Wait, what? the stains are gone and they are disciplining you NOW!!! You need a L. A. W. Y. E R., ASAP. Don't worry about getting a good lawyer, any lawyer, or law student for that matter, could keep you in your job, get your supervisor and half of HR fired and put a nice fat settlement in your savings account. Edited to add: To all those arguing the legality of everything, in the world I live in legality is often not the reason to get a lawyer. Inept management such as the sto
    via u/Philosemen69
  • 08
    lazydaisytoo 6d Start looking for another job now because you are imminently losing this one. Save your breath in this meeting because anything you have to say doesn't matter. They will fire you on your next infraction, such as being late.
    via u/lazydaisytoo
  • 09
    Mamasgoldenmilk. 6d First thing you need to do is print out or forward that email to yourself. You should look in the handbook for how they handle disciplinary actions to see if they skipped steps
    via u/Mamasgoldenmilk
  • 10
    mescalinebabies OP. 6d I did look at the handbook and there are two skipped steps - first step is a verbal warning that is noted in employee file and second step is a 1st written warning. The warning I was sent was the 3rd step which is "final warning". I work in an at- will employment state so technically they could just fire me without any of this but the fact that there are skipped steps is adding to my confusion.
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 11
    r/antiwork u/mescalinebabies • 5d ● UPDATE to possibly getting fired over dye stains on skin
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 12
    It looks like everyone that said that said that this was a new manager making an attempt to throw weight around as well as use me as an example is correct. I'm not quitting my job, I'm going to search for a new one until they fire me since it seems like eventually they're going to head in this direction. Oh well. So a few hours ago I got out of the meeting. I did read as many comments as possible and listened to everyone's opinions. I promised an update soo..
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 13
    I get to the meeting and despite all the listed issues only regarding hair dye stains, sure enough it was a laundry list of problems they had for me. The meeting consisted of two mid-level managers, one recently promoted. I was basically not able to plead my case at all in this meeting and I was talked over if I tried. They called it a "performance review" and when I asked for further clarification on whether or not this was a disciplinary meeting it went unanswered.
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 14
    In the meeting they told me that the hair dye stains, despite being accidental and lasting only one day, had caused them to review the dress code and what they deemed appropriate (because as you guys pointed out the dress code was extremely vauge) No hair dye stains were added to the list however they made a few other changes that they fully admitted were done solely because of me. The big change they've made to the dress code is no skirts. No skirts at all. Not knee length, ankle length, none.
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 15
    They didn't even give me a write up or make me sign anything but they did attempt to make me sign the new uniform agreement, which I did not do because I don't own pants and I don't want to sign an agreement saying I have to wear them. This just seems ridiculous to me. Especially since when I was called in for the meeting i was supposed to be getting a final warning write up that I was never given.
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 16
    I also want to note that in this meeting they told me I would no longer be allowed to eat at the front desk, however on my shift I am not permitted to clock out to take a 30 minute break nor do I have anyone to cover me at the desk to step away to eat. They kinda said it last minute so I wasn't able to process it. All in all I'm confused. What they called me in for doesn't track with what the meeting ended up focusing on, and while not being fired is awesome, the way I was treated during this me
    via u/mescalinebabies
  • 17
    broomandkettle • 5d OP, they want to you to quit so that you can't file for unemployment. Don't fall for it. Email them and ask for a copy of the uniform agreement. Ask them if there is a form to fill out for the stipend. Ask if there is an employee handbook. And, ask them how they want to handle your break/s from the front desk. You need their written response to these questions, not a call or in-person conversation. You are at the point where documentation is very important. Firmly insist on i
    via u/broomandkettle
  • 18
    Yes, they can change the dress code at any time and make it a requirement for employment. However, if they decide that they want to fire you for not signing the form, make sure they actually do that. Ask them "Am I fired? Are you going to terminate my employment?" They have to say it. Don't make a "mutual agreement" with them that would allow them. to dispute your unemployment claim. Edit: And don't sign an NDA or severance agreement. If they are firing you, you shouldn't sign anything no matter
    via u/broomandkettle
  • 19
    NLSSMC 5d ● Banning skirts? I mean, I've heard of ultra conservative firms that require women to wear skirts but never the opposite. It feels like a total sham excuse.
    via u/NLSSMC
  • 20
    throwtheclownaway20. 5d Yeah, start applying elsewhere, because that's horseshit. There's no logical reason to not allow at least ankle-length skirts, nor are they allowed (in most places) to both refuse you to eat at the desk and not allow you an uninterrupted lunch break. And you're graveyard shift, FFS; whatever is I up for normal front desk is doubly so for you. Nobody cares what the night auditor looks like or does - most people getting a hotel that late are drunk, high, looking to quickly,
    via u/throwtheclownaway20
  • 21
    Purple-Ad-7464-5d As a hotel manager myself, but not yours, please seek a new positional another hotel!! As a hotel manager who dyes her hair and has come in with red or black stains on her own hands and arms on multiple occasions cause it's hard to do alone, I assure you, you will be valued elsewhere. As a hotel manager who also has her own visible piercings (one being my nose), please, for your own mental health, find a new job. To find someone like you who shows up, night audit, etc. You are
    via u/Purple-Ad-7464
  • 22
    EDIT NO. 2: thank you everyone for the feedback. I did do some research and with labor laws taken into account, this is not a violation of labor laws although it does appear that my employers are taking advantage of vagueness around employee rights laws. I won't be pursuing this legally - however this is something I am still considering bringing to the labor board along with other things discussed in the meetings I won't be disclosing here. And to address one final thing, I'm not pentecostal. Me
    via u/mescalinebabies

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boss antiwork workplace-stories dress code employment-discussion work stories toxic-workplace terrible-bosses toxic-boss workplace Horrible Bosses Reddit employment
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