‘I refuse to accommodate her': Former mother-in-law refuses to attend Christmas dinner unless it's on ‘her terms’

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Dec 24, 2023 4:00 PM EST

Family Christmas dinners are either the event you most look forward to OR the event that you are wholeheartedly dreading every day of the year until December, by which time you accept your fate.

One daughter-in-law, who for the sake of this story, we will call OP, feared the latter, as she was no longer with her spouse, and did not take a liking to his family at all. The mother-in-law, who we will call Karen, liked to scowl, drink, complain, and do things her way. She never went out of her way for OP's kids, and saw them only once a year, even though she lived 30 minutes away. That didn't stop her from posting all kinds of pictures on social media, making it seem like she was the worlds greatest grandma.

OP was sort of forced to invite Karen for Christmas,  because what else could she do? The kids had no idea how awful she was, and OP did not want to ruin their Christmas. That is, until Karen pulled a stunt that left even OP at a loss for words. For more stories like this, check out another Karen in the form of a disgruntled customer who told the bank teller off for giving her an 'unusable card', making them print it again and again… until it cost her.

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  • 01
    "I'm not going the extra mile to make you comfortable."
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  • 02
    Mil is mad we refuse to reschedule Christmas L So. My former MIL is quite the human. And I use that term very loosely. When the kids were born she bragged to my parents that she would get to be the one hanging out with the kids, watching then grow and all that. Because my parents lived in another country at the time. The day my parents got on the plane to go home, my MIL disappeared as well. She did the same to her own son when he was born, so again, not surprising. From what I
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  • 03
    gathered while I was married to her son, she was major absentee mom that left him with whoever for months at a time. It messed him up so very badly. Unfortunately for me, he hides it well. This woman has never been there either for her son (my ex husband) let alone her grandkids. That selfish b.... I doubt they've ever had a thought of anyone but herself. Her son is an absentee dad as well. No surprise there, really. He learned that trick from his mom.
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  • 04
    So it's been myself and my long term partner (& his amazing family ) who has raised these kids together for the past 13 years. The odd Christmas we would get a call from f-MIL asking if I'd bring the kids to her. It's not terrible as she lives about 30 minutes from us. 30 minutes, and she has never made the effort to see them at our home, though she has been invited every year. Every time we arrive at her home, she's drinking. Her husband is always k, and gets mean at the drop of a hat. They the
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  • 05
    That often left us scrambling to attend 5 Christmas dinners over 2 days. And this means we had to leave our big family dinner early, or arrive super late because she and her husband refuse to reschedule for even an hour before or after. The big family dinner has happened for the past 60 on the same day at the same time and has over 90 ppl attending. It can't be rescheduled. Her dinner is us showing up at 5 to a cold and half eaten meal because they decided to eat early and not tell us. Other tha
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  • 06
    The last few years have been very rough with my grandparents passing on and my own parents becomming incapacitated. So the Christmas dinner crawl has dwindled to a more reasonable 2. Ours with my parents, and my partners family dinner. This morning at 7 am (D22) my former MIL called and demanded-not asked- that she and her husband see the kids who are now nearly grown. Kids said no, they don't want to go there this year and said that she could come here for our dinner instead. I obviously don't
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  • 07
    hide it well for my kids sake. And she is my kids grandmother and as such they have every right to include her to a dinner in our home. They also invite their dad every year, though he usually spends the holidays dk and high, crying to whoever will still listen to him babble about how lonely he is. Yes, he is just as ridiculous as his mother. He just hides it much better. So we told her she's welcome up so long as she and her husband are not drinking. We've been through that enough with my ex, a
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  • 08
    because of it. She agrees, though you can tell shes not happy about it. I tell her we will be sitting down around 5 pm. She lost her , claiming that its 'ridiculous' that grown adults cant have a drink with supper, and states that's what time she sits down with her husband to eat. 'You can just change the time, right?' Um no. We have 8 ppl eating, 4 of which are travelling over an hour to get here, and d if I'm messing with their schedules to accommodate 2 people who have never once accommodated
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  • 09
    She got angry, hung up and now has started posting on social media how I refuse to allow her up' to give (her) grandbabies their gifts '. And I do have to say- she and her son are well off, and play the extravagant gift game well enough to keep my kids interested. Which is just another form of toxic manipulation. But the kids don't see it that way. Yet. So we say nothing. Joke's on her, though. Apparently I'm not the only one thats noticed the s treatment of myself, my partner or our kids over t
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    My inbox is now being flooded with messages on my side, sending me screen shots of what she's calling me and my partner, telling me she's toxic ( we definitly know), and how she steals photos from my social media and pretends like she sees her grandkids more than once a year even though she cant tell anyone what grade theyre in. Every message warns me to keep my kids away from her and her son because they're terrible people. F-MIL is on my social media but I must have been blocked because when I
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  • 11
    This was the best Christmas present I could have expected this year after 2 very hard years. Thank you, Santa, for allowing the trash to finally take itself out this holiday season. Its been a very long and frustrating 14 years, and I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.
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  • 12
    fasterloris 1 day ago Vistaprint and others will let you design a hard copy book or calendar. Use those forwarded texts and screenshots of her commentary; everyone loves a personalized gift. 770 Reply Share Anon1moused OP 1 day ago . Ooh. ... So my idea of getting her an album cute kitty photos with captions of her worst texts isn't quite as mean as I originally thought.
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    I'd never do it... it would fall back on my kids likely. But it's oh so tempting. 4523 Reply Share Finding Beauty InChaos 1 day ago You don't have to actually give it to her... But getting it made might be therapeutic... Not necessarily healthy, maybe, but still wonderful! 147 Reply Share
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  • 14
    LinaLunaLee 1 day ago I would just go no contact. Her actions and behaviour causes more harm than anything. 139 Reply Share Anon1moused OP 1 day ago . edited 1 day ago It does, but so long as it wasn't obvious to the kids, we felt it best if we just ignored it. It's not like she was present in their lives in any real way, and my kids have the support of my parents as well as my partners family so they're not lacking for love and positive role models.
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  • 15
    But my oldest just called me asking why his grandmother is calling myself and my partner names over a dinner invitation he and his sibling extended to her.. He's starting to see it for himself now, I think. Because she's blocked me, but not the kids. The boy just called to tell me he's revoked her invitation and told her she's no longer welcome in his life. Publicly. My youngest will see it soon as well, I'm guessing. I'm equal parts proud, and worried about the fallback.
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  • 16
    BrainySmurf 1 day ago Next time she posts her v on social media kindly tell her "Since you can't be bothered to see your grandchildren the other 364 days of the year I don't think it's a case of you being left out. " Reply Share 63 Anon1moused OP 1 day ago This has been so tempting so many times. That woman is the queen of passive aggressive insults thinly veiled as compliments. Reply Share 37
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    Carolinamama2015 1 day ago I would've stopped accommodating her years ago!. Being a grandmother is a gift, not a right, that she's deserves. She never cares about your kids until it makes her look like a living and caring grandmother to her friends/family. 31 Reply Share Anon1moused OP. 1 day ago Agreed. In my kids eyes, she was a loving grandma. And that's the ONLY reason it continued.
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    Resolute Muse . 1 day ago. edited 1 day ago What you expose your kids to is what you teach them is safe and ok behaviour. I can remember my parents dragging me to multiple Christmas dinners, every year. It J sucked. 23 Reply Share
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  • 19
    lisalef 1 day ago I would block her on all my socials so she can't steal pics of the kids. Good for you for standing your ground. Eventually, the kids will also notice and then the trash will take itself out. They're almost there now in that they don't want to go to her house, but rather stay at their own where they can depart to their rooms if they want to. 4 Reply Share
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  • 20
    MW240z 1 day ago Cut her out. It's time. She adds nothing and you owe her nothing. Your children are better off without her. 44 Reply Share
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    BlueGigi2022 1 day ago People like this never change. I'm glad you will get to enjoy your Christmas without her drama. And your kids will figure it out sooner or later. Mine did. 43 Reply Share
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christmas family drama gifts presents holiday season christmas dinner new years supper grandchildren parenting husband mother in law santa family holidays happy holidays
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