40 Fresh Tweets for the Everlasting Holiday Season (December 30, 2023)

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  • 01
    Shaun Johnson @sexwithuruncle Imagine the pregame speech Santa gives the reindeer. They're probably ready to die for this Christmas 9:50 PM 12/24/23 4.1M Views ● ● 4.7K Reposts 150 Quotes
  • 02
    SLUG @generalslug my dad found a channel that plays car chase footage 24/7 and had it on mute during christmas eve like a yule log LIVE Sky BREAKING NEWS LAPD Foot Pursuit PANORAMA CITY PREVIOUSLY RECORDED PUTE 10:00 55° KCAL 9 fcbsLA CAR CHASE
  • 03
    Jesse Case @jessecase I always feel awful for the elves. You took the job 80 years ago to make some whimsical rocking horses, 4 parts tops. And now you're soldering an iPad motherboard with your arthritic, cinnamon-scented hands. A brutal gig. 6:38 PM 12/24/23 from Earth. 1.1M Views ● 4.8K Reposts 102 Quotes
  • 04
    Big Tucson Dad @BigTucsonDad Santa coming down the chimney and seeing a pit bull foaming at the mouth Big dog. 9:18 PM 12/24/23 from Earth 2.5M Views 3.1K Reposts 50 Quotes 52K Likes 611 Bookmarks
  • 05
    Washington Post TikTok Dad @davejorgenson for anyone who thought Home Alone wouldn't be possible in 2023, your crucial mistake was forgetting Spirit Airlines exists philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_ . 1d Spirit Airlines has apologized after it mistakenly put an unaccompanied 6-year-old on the wrong flight during the holiday season travel rush nbcnews.com/news/us-news/s... 10:26 PM 12/24/23 from Earth 1.7M Views 2.9K Reposts 24 Quotes 34K Likes 482 Bookmarks
  • 06
    Scott Reintgen @Scott_Thought Yall. My three year old came down at 3am and unwrapped EVERYONE'S presents. 7:23 AM 12/25/23 4.9M Views
  • 07
    Pal Céad Míle Fáilte @ColeyMick Wife: Does anyone else hear that noise? Me, hiding the 76 birds I plan on giving her over the next 12 days in the basement: Looks like someone forgot to take their lexapro again you silly goose! 11:05 AM 12/24/23 from Earth. 451K Views . 625 Reposts 5 Quotes 11K Likes 172 Bookmarks
  • 08
    jos @josiahhughes i just checked the santa tracker and it says he's currently ovulating 9:29 PM 12/24/23 from Earth 3.1M Views 8.5K Reposts 168 Quotes
  • 09
    probably cam @camwasnthere Mary not even 10cm dilated yet girl RELAX sleepy lil wolf @breahne 2d yall got your Valentine yet?? 11:53 AM 12/24/23 from Earth 6.7M Views ● 21K Reposts 1K Quotes
  • 10
    Daddy's Little Meatball lucy ford @lucyj_ford my mum got me the hot priest calendar from rome CALENDARIO ROMANO 2024 ● GENNAIO-JANUARY FEBBRAIO-FEBRUARY JANVIER-JANUAR FÉVRIER FEBRUAR FEBRERO ENERO 2.4K Reposts 1.8K Quotes MAGGIO MAY MAI MAI MAYO A GIUGNO JUNE JUIN-JUNI JUNIO shipments worldwide 8:44 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 2.2M Views MARZO-MARCH MARS-MARZ MARZO BEFRIED SETTEMBRE-SPETEMBER OTTOBRE-OCTOBER NOVEMBRE-NOVEMBER SEPTEMBRE-SEPTEMBER OCTOBRE-OKTOBER NOVEMBRE-NOVEMBRER SEPTIEMBRE NOVIEMBR
  • 11
    Chongo (Professional Dingus) @ChongoTweet Cookies represent the body of Santa while the milk represents the blood of Santa 5:55 PM 12/24/23 - 1.5M Views 6.8K Reposts 123 Quotes 55K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 12
    Robert Komaniecki @Komaniecki_R O come, let us adore Him
  • 13
    kevin white @kwhitesays.bsky.social 1h FROM: HR@nakatomi.com What a year! While the events of last Christmas left much of the office destroyed and several of our Nakatomi family deceased, we appreciate everyone's flexibility with work from home. That said, Nakatomi prides itself on its office culture so effective immediately all employe 1746 1 95
  • 14
    WedgeBuster @WedgeBuster88 Daughter #4 really wrapped this up for daughter #2 to open. C
  • 15
    Max krieger's training montage @MaxkriegerVG i just checked santa tracker and he hasn't moved from your mom's house for a couple hours bro 1:30 AM 12/25/23 1.7M Views 5.5K Reposts 78 Quotes 68K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 16
    Angus Duncan @Angus_Duncan Apparently I got my fiancée the wrong Dyson Air-thingy? WHY DID YOU GET ME A HAND DRYER???????? dyson airblade 5:44 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 8.8M Views 5.9K Reposts 461 Quotes NSF dyson airblade
  • 17
    pj @pjayevans Learning minion language on Duolingo while my wife cooks and wraps presents for our 9 children 7:51 PM - 12/24/23 from Earth - 792K Views 1.2K Reposts 35 Quotes 31K Likes 520 Bookmarks
  • 18
    Zach Heltzel @zachheltzel NORAD wouldn't spend all that money on being able to triangulate Santa's position just for fun. They are hunting him. 5:50 PM 12/24/23 from Earth 246K Views 668 Reposts 9 Quotes 11K Likes 133 Bookmarks
  • 19
    america's lounge singer @KrangTNelson the day my dad told me Santa wasn't real I asked him if the Easter bunny was fake too and he turned to look at me while driving and hit me with the "cmon, man" 7:55 PM 12/24/23 from Earth · 973K Views . 1.2K Reposts 89 Quotes 39K Likes 809 Bookmarks
  • 20
    John Crist @johnbcrist Christmas morning is the super bowl for the guy who carries a knife in his pocket 365 days a year 10:29 PM - 12/24/23 from Earth 107K Views ● 195 Reposts 35 Quotes 2.3K Likes 50 Bookmarks
  • 21
    ashley ray @theashleyray sent happy holidays to my brother and his fiancé and she replied to the whole family like "we aren't together anymore because of his actions, i did nothing but love him" and then the whole family chat was like "oh damn girl, sorry, but just know we all knew it was his fault 99 4:20 PM 12/24/23 from Earth 6.7M Views ● 3.9K Reposts 331 Quotes ●
  • 22
    Shae Reloaded @judgementshae using daddy in bed: weird, incestuous, unnecessarily gendered using captain in bed: authoritative, gender neutral, implies the exciting possiblity of mutiny 9:14 AM 12/24/23 from Earth 608K Views 3K Reposts 390 Quotes 28K Likes 1.5K Bookmarks
  • 23
    Kat Brown @katbrown Each Christmas, my husband makes a year in review book from our WhatsApp photos. It is my favourite present and it is incredibly mundane. Ay PAN Average 2 Year Fix Mortgage Rates by LTV, % Sep-191 Dec-19 Mar-20 Jun-20 Sep-20 Dec-20 Mar-21 Jun-21 Sep-21 Dec-21 Mar-22 90% -75% -95% Source: Santander MHB
  • 24
    Edgar Allan Cointelpro @Holy Caligula Arachnophobia is stupid.. like just let the spiders get married 7:28 PM - 12/23/23 from Earth. 1.2M Views 5.3K Reposts 102 Quotes
  • 25
    Daily Roman Updates @UpdatingOnRome Incredible but you are definitely autistic. RealMrStreets @RealMrStreets 1d No Wi-Fi on my last flight so I drew the Roman Empire from memory with provinces, @UpdatingOnRome how'd I do? The D Roman Empire 117AD With Provinces 1. Italia 2. Sicilia, BUSINESS 3. Corsica et 13. Narbon Sardinia 4. Brittania 5. Lugdunensis 6. Aquitania 7. Tarraconensis 8. Lusitania 4. Baetica 10. Mauritania Tingitanid 11. Belgica 12. L. Senones 14. Mauretania Caesariensis 6 12 13 10
  • 26
    Grip Bayless @talleyberrybaby I'd find some spare throat in the back for this MATERIAL GORL @Kisseslike Kay 11h As soon as I open TikTok, I see this woman's husband gift her a 157 piece Le Creuset set... this retails for about $4.5k 1:02 PM 12/25/23 from Earth.4.1M Views ទា
  • 27
    BRYN BORANGA @BRYN BORANGA when someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that "well maybe you should have thought of that sooner" is a helpful phrase 6:41 AM - 12/24/23 from Earth-606K Views 1K Reposts 48 Quotes 22K Likes 345 Bookmarks
  • 28
    pavlo @Laughter Haver My dad hasn't been the same since the accident I wish there was a Wario version of Daisy and Peach Waisy and Weach And one of 'em was really fat! That'd make me #horny 5:58 PM 12/23/23 from Earth 1.8M Views 1.9K Reposts 100 Quotes
  • 29
    gabaghoul @gabby_frost absolutely losing my mind over this diary entry from when i was 13 Date 12-31-10 Today is the last day of 2010, omg! This year was iffy, because Couple a bad things happened. Leg. Grandma dying) But some good things happened. Da
  • 30
    meeka @MeekyBlinders sometimes I wonder if my brother has autism but then I remember that one time he showed me his spreadsheet of all his friends that would calculate when he needed to hang out with them/text them in order to maintain a friendship 11:37 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 2.9M Views ● 2.8K Reposts 1.2K Quotes
  • 31
    Invis @invis4yo if i ever got married i would use the reception as an opportunity to just play every song i've ever liked. no theme, no vibe. just me being like "omg i love this one" for two hours 9:01 PM 12/24/23 from Earth 3.6M Views 11K Reposts 1.2K Quotes
  • 32
    Caitlin @caithuls How do y'all decide which kids wear shoes Mitt Romney @MittRomney.1d From our family to yours, Merry Christmas! 2:53 PM 12/25/23 from Earth 7.6M Views ● 3.7K Reposts 65 Quotes
  • 33
    milo edwards @Milo Edwards volunteered to cook christmas dinner for 10 ppl at my gf's mum's unaware of some key details such as she only owns one frying pan and it's encrusted with fossilised remains of long departed sausages. i just moved an 8kg turkey using 2 table forks and a spoon. this is my dunkirk. 9:06 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 1.3M Views ● 1.1K Reposts 62 Quotes 44K Likes 929 Bookmarks
  • 34
    Emma Szewczak @EmmaSzewczak had to tell my son that santa isn't real in the middle of the night because he was hysterical about a strange man coming into the house, but made him *promise* not to tell his younger sister that he doesn't exist. so instead he told her that santa's dead 12:09 PM 12/25/23 from Earth 1.1M Views . 1.6K Reposts 108 Quotes ●
  • 35
    Channel Zero @MikeTroy81 Might be the greatest return on investment in the history of mankind AuxGod @AuxGod 11h LeBron James at age 3 on Christmas (1987) pe AWA Sn 5
  • 36
    $lap: @slvppy mfs opening that body wash pack set on christmas for the 5th year in a row 12:35 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 3.8M Views 2.1K Reposts 208 Quotes
  • 37
    Multifandom Epstein @twinkophrenia Watching Family Guy in a hotel room elevates it from a solid B to undisputed GOAT status as far as TV shows go xbox 360 @exboxbøss.1d catching family guy on cable is much better than intentionally streaming it. It's like when you hear nirvana on the radio 2:05 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 2M Views . 2.6K Reposts 128 Quotes 43K Likes 1K Bookmarks
  • 38
    Brent Black @brentalfloss My dad and uncle accidentally cosplayed as Mario and Luigi 4:28 PM 12/25/23 from Earth 1.9M Views ● 4.8K Reposts 117 Quotes .
  • 39
    SurrealistShip @SurrealistShip At Christmas, a eight year old asked if I had ever heard of smash bros. Nope never, let's play, I'm sure I'll have begginers luck 7:19 PM - 12/25/23 from Earth 755K Views . 801 Reposts 36 Quotes 28K Likes 399 Bookmarks
  • 40
    @gzcl3000 when my dog had kidney failure the vet said he had weeks to live, so we fed him kfc, food from the table, everything he wanted, damn dog lived for another 3 years before getting ran over by a van 4:53 AM 12/25/23 from Earth 106K Views ● 184 Reposts 15 Quotes 4.4K Likes 123 Bookmarks

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