Girlfriend Refuses To Let Her Boyfriend's Ex Come See His Cat Because She Thinks The Ex Has Ulterior Motives, Wonders If She's In The Wrong For It

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Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Jan 16, 2024 9:00 AM EST

We love our cats. A lot. We think everyone who reads ICanHas knows that. And we know that we would be absolutely devastated if anything in this world took our cats away from us. Our cats make us the happiest in the world, that's why. Our cats are painfully awwdorable, our cats are silly, our cats make us laugh without even trying. Our cats mean everything to us. And we know, as cat owners, that adopting a cat means making that commitment. It means knowing that you are going to spend every waking moment trying to make them happy.

So, if we ended up in this situation - where we made the difficult decision to adopt with our partner, making that commitment to the cat - and then the relationship ended? We don't know what we would have done. That's what makes this thread so interesting. What would you do?

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  • 01
    Posted by u/umighthinkhelovesu 1 month ago AITA for not letting my boyfriend's ex gf see his cat?
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu

    Our initial thoughts, before reading the rest of the story were… as conflicted as hers. Getting a pet together is a big commitment, and the thought of losing access to the pet just because the relationship ended is kind of heartbreaking, if we're honest, so we weren't sure what the right answer here was… and then we read the rest. 

  • 02
    i (F25) have been dating my boyfriend (M31) for almost two years. he was with his ex for 5 years and they got a cat and when they split, he kept it. after they broke up, she would constantly text him to facetime "the cat." this kept going on even after we started dating for a few months then i put a stop to it. 10 months later, she says she's in town and wants to see the cat.
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu

    If the ex

  • 03
    i told my boyfriend she probably just wants to see you... so tell her you'll leave a key for her under the mat so she can hangout with the cat while my boyfriend is at work. the ex then said "oh i can't see you?" which confirmed to me that it was never about the cat. whatever -she ended up coming and seeing the cat anyway like planned and didn't see my boyfriend. this
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu

    If the ex hadn't been so interested in seeing him, we probably would have said that it's okay to let her see the cat. But… we sense potential sabotage, so we understand the hesitation. We can't wait to get an update on this story at some point and see how things turned out. 

  • 04
    was last december. now just yesterday she texted him asking to see the cat. and i told my boyfriend that he doesn't see me messaging MY ex to see the cat i used to have with him (i was with my ex for three years.) i feel it is inappropriate and i don't want to be in a relationship with someone where the ex can come in and out -or even come up in conversation.
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu
  • 05
    my boyfriend has a gentle heart and literally cried when he told her she couldn't see the cat this year because of how bad he felt. but i just want him to block her so she can't even ask and make him feel bad. for not allowing her to see so am i the the cat?
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu
  • 06
    Winter-Stranger-3709 · 1 mo. ago Why don't you handle all communication about the cat? If she wants to come by and see the cat then she can come on your terms. Guaranteed she will disappear when she knows he won't be around. She seems shady.
    via u/Winter-Stranger-3709
  • 07
    umighthinkhelovesu OP 1 mo. ago she has me blocked on everything. or else this would be a great idea
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu
  • 08
    Open-Cricket6994 · 1 mo. ago Partassipant [2] It is super sketchy that she blocked you. He should not still be in contact with a woman who blocked his girlfriend.
    via u/Open-Cricket6994
  • 09
    No_Location_5565 · 1 mo. ago Aficionado [17] NAH. But, you can't even handle an ex coming up in conversation? If you can't be with a person that's still friendly and on decent terms with their ex then you shouldn't be with him, because it sounds like that's the case here.
    via u/No_Location_5565
  • 10
    umighthinkhelovesu OP 1 mo. ago i just mean like i don't need her texting him and him telling me that she reached out. I'm kind to my exes, but i'm not in communication with them
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu
  • 11
    SummerNo7. 1 mo. ago Partassipant [1] YTA, stop being so insecure, it was her cat too, maybe she's attached to the cat who used to be hers.
    via u/SummerNo7
  • 12
    umighthinkhelovesu OP 1 mo. ago i guess how i see it is that i loved the cat i had with my ex, but he's in a new relationship. and i don't feel it appropriate for me to ask him to still be in his life and see the cat. so it bothers me when my boyfriend's ex does it
    via u/umighthinkhelovesu
  • 13
    L30 The Racoonist · 1 mo. ago I spoke with an ex about our cat for a decade. We both married and have lives. We both just loved that cat
    via u/TheRacoonist
  • 14
    Librarycat77 Yeah, this is the situation I want and have had. 1 mo. ago More people who love your pets is amazing, not weird.
    via u/Librarycat77
  • 15
    No_Good_1172 · 1 mo. ago Partassipant [1] I'm gonna say NTA. i agree with your interpretation of her asking "oh, I can't see you?". I would bet she came over with the hopes your bf would show up. Losing a pet and a partner at the same time is rough, but after 2 years she needs to move on. It's weird.
    via u/No_Good_1172
  • 16
    eebieteebie 1 mo. ago Partassipant [1] I actually completely understand not wanting your partners ex popping up randomly in his life. It's not normal and people who say they'd be totally cool with it and that you're insecure are in the minority, have never actually experienced it, or they're trying to sound chill and new agey.
    via u/eebieteebie
  • 17
    Also, I love animals and I have 4 cats (I've had 8 in my life) and let me tell you; The cat doesn't give a toss if it sees the ex or not. She's being selfish and needs to get over it.
    via u/eebieteebie
  • 18
    However, if banning the ex from seeing the cat is making your partner really upset you need to have a frank discussion with him about the whole situation. It's odd. NTA.
    via u/eebieteebie

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boyfriend cat drama girlfriend lol exes Cats funny
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