Amused Patients Share Funniest Statements Made by Doctors

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Jan 26, 2024 5:00 PM EST

I've spent some time in the hospital for a variety of reasons, and each time I was there, I met some really funny doctors and nurses whose sense of humor was elite.

See, when you end up in the ER, you witness some pretty funny things. Yes, that sentence could have gone a completely different way, but today, we're focusing on the most hilarious things that people have experienced when visiting the doctor. Whether they were in for the annual checkup, bronchitis, or even awaiting surgery… These doctors were there to take care of them, but also, to have a good time.

Scrolling through them, I found myself chuckling quite a bit, and then I realized it would be selfish of me to keep these little gems all to myself, so here I am, sharing them with you. Scroll down for the funniest statements made by doctors, and then check out this terrific taco stuffed with silly salsa and memes.

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  • 01
    What is the funniest thing a doctor ever said to you?
    via u/Straight_Toe_1816
  • 02
    lifeless_clown - 6 hr. ago I'm a 43 year old male Doctor walked in real fast, head down went straight to the sink to wash his hands. Said I have "great news" while washing his hands. "You're pregnant". Turned around, looked at me and said out loud, "f k me, wrong person". ✩ 1.4k ↓ Reply Share
    via u/lifeless_clown
  • 03
    Born_Post_6667- 7 hr. ago "What a dumb piece of slot” from my OBGYN as I'm 6 months pregnant and told her I caught my now ex husband cheating on me. 1.5k ↓ Reply Share
    via u/Born_Post_6667
  • 04
    Informal-East5515 - 6 hr. ago This is my misunderstanding of what the doctor was trying to have me do. He said hold your bre sts, so I did. He said no hold your brosts. I was young and not sure what type of exam this was so I was moving them in different ways to try to I guess position them the way he wanted and he then said HOLD YOUR BREATH. I passed away that day 296 Reply Share
    via u/Informal-East5515
  • 05
    Chaotic ForkingGood - 7 hr. ago I went to the ER in seriously bad abdominal pain. I couldn't explain it, since everything was seemingly *ahem* running fine. Scant, but fine. As it turned out, I was still massively backed up, almost to the point of impaction. The doctor, who was a good, goofy guy, said "Ma'am, sorry to tell you, but your diagnosis is that you're full of shot."
    via u/ChaoticForkingGood
  • 06
    I cracked up and said "How long have you been waiting to use that one on a patient who won't complain?" Him: "FOREVER." 1.5k Reply Share
    via u/ChaoticForkingGood
  • 07
    phil_in_t_blank - 6 hr. ago My wife and I had our child late in life, and knew we were going to be one and done, so a vase tomy was gonna happen. Where I live, you need a Dr's referral to get one. Coincidentally, my appointment to get said referral was the same week that I started my paternal leave.
    via u/phil_in_t_blank
  • 08
    At my appointment, Doc walks into the room and says "You've been on pat leave for 2 days, and you already want a vas ctomy!?!" Reply Share 1.8k
    via u/phil_in_t_blank
  • 09
    Grizzlamic Bearrorism 7 hr. ago I had a conversation with a new shrink when I was 12. "Do kids ever bully you?" He asked. "Sometimes.", I responded. "About your nose?", he said. "...No.", I replied.
    via u/GrizzlamicBearrorism
  • 10
    That was when I found out I have a big nose. And the world has not let me forget about it since. ↑ 1.8k ↓ Reply Share
    via u/GrizzlamicBearrorism
  • 11
    nope123ee 8 hr. ago Was looking to get a br ast reduction and the plastic surgeon lifted up my br. ast and dropped it, looked at me and said "Yeah they're heavy" ↑ 1.2k ↓ Reply Share
    via u/nope123ee
  • 12
    NonchalantSavant - 5 hr. ago A few months before my mother passed from ca cer, I took her to an appointment with her doctor. He started out by asking the usual questions doctors often ask elderly patients to check for dementia. Dr: What day is today? Mom: Wednesday
    via u/NonchalanatSavant
  • 13
    Dr: What year is this? Mom: 2017 Dr: Who is the president? Mom: (long pause) Ohhh... uh, some a hole. Dr: Close enough. 519 Reply Share
    via u/NonchalanatSavant
  • 14
    Boneless MegaBat - 5 hr. ago Post exploratory biopsy following a weird MRI. "Well, you're a mutant, but your super power is dumb." I grew an accessory spleen. 220 Reply Share
    via u/BonelessMegaBat
  • 15
    Smart-Cry9039 - 5 hr. ago I was in the middle of getting a gyno exam, the Doc asked what type of birth control I used. I said “I'm lesbian”, Doc says “that has proven to be effective". 103 Reply Share
    via u/Smart-Cry9039
  • 16
    beanangelbug . 7 hr. ago Right before surgery the doctor told me he was prescribing me pain meds for afterward and said, "whatever you don't use you can sell to your friends!" Definitely made me laugh and I was less nervous. ↑ 267 267 Reply Share
    via u/benangelbug
  • 17
    scipio79 5 hr. ago I went to go see a doctor about ongoing bronchitis and was negotiating about going on antibiotics, which I was not in favor of. Me: "Can't you just give me a shot of antibiotics or something? They do that to my cat at the vet sometimes." The doctor, deadpan: "You're not a cat." ↑ 82 ↓ Reply Share
    via u/scipio79
  • 18
    plsgibfood 5 hr. ago I went inside the office and this is how it went Doc: "So how are you today?" Me: "I'm fine" Doc: "Then why are you here" ↑ 71 ↓ Reply Share
    via u/plsgibfood
  • 19
    Pure_Point2682 · 7 hr. ago Not really funny then but kinda comical now that I'm an adult. When I were a teen I had to go to the doctor for a check up due to stomach problems. When the doctor checked my stomach he said “oh wow, so young. How many children do you have??". He was referring to my stretch marks I got due to loosing weight when I got in to sports . Did not wear bikini for some years lol 97 ↓ Reply Share
    via u/Pure_Point2682

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ask reddit healing patients nurse doctors office hospital checkup doctor the doctor funny sayings treat cure health funny reddit stories remedy take care surgery surgeon ER
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