'It's not a money thing, but it's the principle of it': Non-drinker starts beef with host over oddly specific drink request

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Feb 20, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Hosting a party can be a barrel of fun. It can also be immensely stressful. You're in charge of everyone else having a good time, which can be a lot of emotional weight to take on. You want everyone to be stimulated, chatting, dancing (if it's that kind of party), and perhaps most importantly, satiated by the right food and beverages. 

I take great pride in my drink menus when I'm hosting. I love mixology and will have some bespoke cocktails batched and ready, and I always make sure to have a non-alcoholic version as well. But hey, I'm not a full bar. I keep things stocked but I'm not here to fulfill everyone's needs. After all, I'm doing it out of the goodness of my heart. But usually, people aren't that picky, they're just happy to be there, unlike the subject of a recent Reddit post that made the rounds for being a little too particular. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/BitchImLil Baby • 16h ● AITA for telling my sober friend it's not my job to have the exact non-alcoholic drink she wants at the parties I throw?
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 02
    I'm in college right now. My best friend Joshua (made up for anonymity purposes) is dating one of my other friends Ashley (also made up), and she barely ever drinks. Which, good for her, I respect people that are sober.
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 03
    I have parties at my place around once a month and like to make a batched alcoholic punch of some kind, but I get Coke or fruit punch or something non alcoholic as well, cause I don't want to pressure people to drink.
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 04
    At the last party I threw, despite having Coke Zero and Dr Pepper, Ashley was like "Do you have sparkling water?" I said "No." I don't really like sparkling water, so I'd never buy it for myself. She looked upset but she said regular water was fine.
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 05
    She sends me this long text message the next day, basically saying "I really wish you would have sparkling water for me when you throw stuff and consider me. I don't like really sugary stuff like soda and don't want to drink, but it's boring having just water to drink. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I don't deserve a fun drink too."
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 06
    I basically told her "It's not my job to buy something I don't ever drink with MY money just for YOU to have. I provide non-alcoholic options because I am considerate of you and the other people that don't drink and if you don't want to drink them then go to your store and buy some yourself. I advertise it as BYOB, so that can apply to you. Or at least have Joshua buy it for you, I'm not your servant."
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 07
    Joshua's not mad at me but he told me I should talk to Ashley and apologize. I just don't get why I should apologize. That would imply I did something wrong. Sparkling water doesn't cost a lot so it's not a money thing, but it's the principle of it. Wanting me to buy something else for each party when I provide 1-2 NA options, and you're capable of buying it and bringing it yourself, and you don't even offer to buy me something or do something for me in return. Plus why am I being held to a high
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 08
    Sometimes it just feels like all I do is serve to give people stuff, and it's never a consideration about me. I just wish it didn't feel like people took advantage of me all the time and expected me to do every single thing for them.
    via u/BitchImLilBaby
  • 09
    StAlvis 16h Galasstic Overlord [1580] ● ΝΤΑ it's boring having just water to drink. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean I don't deserve a fun drink too "Here's a straw; blow some bubbles." You're not running a restaurant.
    via u/StAlvis
  • 10
    glimmerseeker • 16h Partassipant [1] NTA. BYOB is self explanatory. i don't like to show up empty handed to parties and it's kinda common to show up with drinks and/or snacks to share. Sometimes I'm in the mood not to drink alcohol so I make sure to take something I can drink. It's not a big deal and she's trying to make it one. She sounds entitled and ridiculous, to have called you and complained about it. You definitely should NOT apologize. No way.
    via u/glimmerseeker
  • 11
    Horror-Commission656 14h Partassipant [2] The amount of people that think BYOB only means Bring Your Own Booze versus Bring Your Own Beverage is insane. You want it, you bring it. Simple.
    via u/Horror-Commission656
  • 12
    Wonderful-Result2036 16h NTA Rule of thumb for adult parties is bring what you want to drink. Your friend's demands are entitled and she sounds high maintenance. You might want to reconsider inviting her to your monthly parties in the future.
    via u/Wonderful-Result2036
  • 13
    YouthNAsia63 - 16h Prime Ministurd [485] Ashley should have taken note of the fact that at your last couple of parties, you did not offer the exact non alcoholic beverage Ashley would have preferred. Instead of pestering you about it, she can go get herself some carbonated water of her choice. And brought it for personal consumption to the next party. And be glad she got to go to a party. You aren't Ashley's catering service. NTA
    via u/YouthNAsia63
  • 14
    ConnieMarblelndex • 15h Partassipant [1] sparkling water is a fun drink? she's too far gone
    via u/ConnieMarblelndex
  • 15
    EmbarrassedFroyo4643 . 16h NTA, she can easily bring her own drinks if she doesn't like what's there. It's BYOB for a reason and she's not an exception to that. The delivery of that could've been better though
    via u/EmbarrassedFroyo4643
  • 16
    Familiar_Practice906. 15h NTA any reasonable host in your position would take a mental note for next time after she asked about sparkling water and then erase that note when she sent the text. The fact that she expects sparkling water at a college party advertised as BYOB where there's already sodas is mind-boggling. party who Here's Ashley as a 30 year old man at does drink "hey it upset me that you only had bourbon and Canadian whiskey when you know I'm a scotch drinker. Just because I don't l
    via u/Familiar_Practice906
  • 17
    Ok_Stable7501 • 14h Tell Joshua to bring a better girlfriend. NTA
    via u/Ok_Stable7501

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drinks manners sober drinking hosting reddit story true story advice Party etiquette host parties story party time subreddit reddit thread Reddit
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