'My wife looked like she was about to faint': Tomboy teenager swaps long hair for pixie cut, controlling stepmom freaks out

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 20, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

In the infamous words of Fleabag, hair is everything. It says an awful lot to both ourselves and others about what kind of people we are, and even what kind of day we're having. As a result, it is the first thing that many teenagers will turn to when they're going through their rebellious, identity-seeking phase. After all, it grows back even if the results make for some cringey photos.

Unfortunately, not all parents and guardians seem to be able to accept this. In their eyes, the bad thing about kids experimenting is that it means they no longer have full control over them. This seemed to be the case with one recent AITA thread, in which a father despaired over his wife turning against her stepdaughter after she decided that she wanted to cut off her long hair. It will come as no surprise to find out which side Reddit was on.

 

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  • 01
    AITA for telling my wife to get over my daughters short hair?
    via engin akyurt
  • 02
    I(40M) and my wife(42F) have been married for 5 years. I have a 14 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Her mother wanted nothing to do with her when she was born. When I met my wife, she was worried about being a bad step-mother to my daughter. They became close and they do a spa day every mother's day.
    via Mysterious_Raise_156
  • 03
    My daughter has very long hair down to her shoulders. She hates putting it up in ponytails and she complains about the length of time it takes to blow-dry. She's a big tom-boy and one of her friends recommended she gets a pixie cut. I booked her an appointment to get the cut she wanted and she was very happy. She's been in such a great mood and loves having the short hair.
    via Mysterious_Raise_156
  • 04
    When I brought her home to see wife, my wife dropped what she was doing and looked like she was about to faint. She asked why I allowed daughter to cut all her hair off. I told her that this is the cut my daughter wanted. My wife got furious and started telling me about how I ruined daughter's image. I shot back at her to get over the hair-cut as it made daughter happy. That was all I wanted was my daughter to be happy
    via Mysterious_Raise_156
  • 05
    My wife continued to complain about the haircut even around my daughter and I had to tell her multiple times to drop it. My daughter has been very depressed and it's worrying me. I have been giving my wife the cold shoulder and she's being very cold to both me and daughter. AITA for telling my wife to get over my daughters short hair?
    via Mysterious_Raise_156
  • 06
    mwmandorla 17h NTA. The way she's continuing to complain about the cut itself and the girl's "image" sounds like she straight up thinks girls shouldn't have short hair. Maybe she was ok with your daughter's tomboy-ness as long as she still had what your wife considers a major signal of femininity and now she feels the girl is "too masculine." She may or may not have ideas about this having something to do with your having been a single father. Maybe she feels an inappropriate level of authority
    via mwmandorla
  • 07
    NTA Rohini_rambles 17h Colo-rectal Surgeon [38] But you might want to talk to your daughter privately about if her step mother is expressing other opinions to her or pressuring her. Overreacting to hair is silly. See what else she is whispering to the girl, esp if your wife hates her being a tomboy. Also make sure your daughter knows she can come to you for any issue, like romantic crushes, physical things like periods. Make sure she doesn't feel like your wife controls your daughter's access to
    via Rohini_rambles
  • 08
    FluffyPurpleBear 16h Listen to her and then determine how much more you need to lay into your wife. And don't stop until she realizes that she just crushed your daughter's happiness and is 100% the bad guy in this situation for wanting to control another person's body. Or let it come to divorce if she's not willing to see that her behavior is wrong.
    via FluffyPurpleBear
  • 09
    Yungeel 17h Partassipant [1] Absolutely NTA. Your daughter is old enough to make her own style choices and she's obviously happy. That IS all that matters. It's just hair. She can grow it long again if she chooses to do so. It's not like she amputated a limb. Your wife is def the AH for bringing up her issues with her hair in front of your daughter.
    via Yungeel
  • 10
    StragglingShadow 16h Pooperintendant [52] This. In case your wife has shattered her confidence in having short hair, please take the time to gently reassure her that she looks beautiful and that you support however she wants her hair to be. Hair grows back and its a phenomenal way to allow your child to express themselves.
    via StragglingShadow
  • 11
    midnightsrose77 17h Enthusiast [5] NTA. Your daughter is the one who gets to choose the length of her hair. My mother kept my hair short while I was young. Once I hit high school, I put my foot down and started growing it out. I'd been in pixie cuts and short bobs until then. HAIR IS HAIR AND HAIR GROWS!!
    via midnightsrose77
  • 12
    AromaticMover 17 17h Exactly it grows back! Almost every female has probably had a bad haircut whether it's getting bangs or going too short. It grows back and your daughter loves her pixie that's what matters!
    via AromaticMover17
  • 13
    Noty Jewel 17h Aficionado [11] NTA I would definitely talk to your wife privately when your daughter is not around. Cold shoulder is not going to help it stop from happening again. I'd find out what's up. I guarantee she has said something and talked to your daughter privately!! So you need to speak to her as well. Your wife needs to respect at 14 5his girl has a right, just as a person to choose her own hairstyle. Not even a matter of mom, step mom etc. Please set some boundaries with your wife
    via NotyJewel
  • 14
    Both-Buffalo9490 16h Perhaps she is upset her daughter did not ask her. Shoulder length hair is not that long. I had it down to my waist and cut it to shoulder length during bereavement. I donated my braid to locks of love. However, my coworkers were mad. Go figure. Either way the wife's reaction is belittling and cruel. She needs a sit down and talking too. Have a serious conversation about her role in the mental well being of your daughter. She is acting like a bully. Not acceptable.
    via Both-Buffalo9490
  • 15
    rheyniachaos 16h Not her daughter, unless the girl feels that way. Secondly, not her place to say yes or no when dad already said yes. She's over 10 years old. More than old enough to go get a hair cut she likes without | rude opinions on it.
    via rheyniachaos
  • 16
    Klutzy-Sort178 14h Not her BODY. The kid's 14. She's old enough to decide to cut her own hair.
    via Klutzy-Sort1178
  • 17
    holliday_doc_1995 17h Aficionado [19] Lol OP is definitely a man. "My daughter has very long hair it's all the way down to her shoulders".
    via holiday_doc_1995
  • 18
    Admirable Aide5558 17h Enthusiast [9] Your wife seems overly concerned about your daughter's image and her need to harp on the hair cut sounds immature. She is acting like a pill. You gave her permission for the hair cut, and your daughter is happy. Wife needs to start acting like an adult. NTA.
    via Admirable_Aide5558
  • 19
    Catfish1960 16h I have a long time friend who had gorgeous long blond hair. Her two sisters also had beautiful long hair in reddish brown. Their mom died when when they were young teens. Dad quickly remarried a real witch of a woman as he was lonely. Witch had two daughters the same ages and friend and her sisters whose shoulder length hair was very coarse curly. They hated my friend and her sisters for some reason and they really hated my friend's looks and the fact that she was an athlete/scho
    via Catfish1960
  • 20
    acemerrill 17h As a tomboy who wasn't allowed to cut my hair short as a kid and finally did it as an adult, let me first say thank you so much for being so supportive of your daughter getting the hairstyle she wanted. You are not remotely the but your wife 100% is. Please continue to be firm. If your daughter is hearing your wife speaking negatively about her appearance, she needs to also be hearing you defend her. I'm normally a proponent of presenting a united front to the kids, but not when o
    via acemerrill

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aita hair style haircut haircuts stepmom parenting stepdaughter dad family daughter Reddit
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