'[Traveling] is not at all on her bingo card': Elder Millennial couple feud over how to spend $100k in annual benefits, debating van life over a white picket fence

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Mar 22, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Elder Millennials have been presented with a unique opportunity with their generation. While a lot of folks argue that this generation received the short end of the stick in a lot of ways, one man, an ex-military guy with staggering VA benefits, would argue otherwise. After being injured in combat abroad, u/highspeed_haiku got his golden ticket punched, scoring $100k annually for the rest of his days. So upon returning stateside, our military man was gung-ho about capitalizing on his elder millennial advantage by traveling the nation in a live-in van, enjoying the natural world to its fullest. 

Well, his wife had other plans. 

With dollar signs in her eyes and a lonesome deployment existence behind her, the man's wife had no intention of living an antisocial lifestyle in a van. She wanted the white picket fence, the big suburban house, and a Hallmark-worthy lifestyle of idyllic proportions. 

Scroll for the full story–and the two-sided debate where neither side truly wins. But imagine, if you had $100k from Uncle Sam every year… What would you do with it? 

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  • 01
    How do I better explain that we have been granted freedom from the tyranny of having to work til 65+ and she would squander it on a house bigger than we need with HOA nonsense?
    via canva
  • 02
    Posted by u/highspeed_haiku I feel like my wife is going to miss out on an opportunity that's extremely unique to our generation. Discussion
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 03
    Wife and I are proud elder millennials (both 40). Neither of us came from money and for the last 20 years of marriage, we never had a lot. I was in the military and just retired a little over a year ago.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 04
    I had 4+ years of ground combat deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan and got pretty messed up over the years. Fortunately I punched my golden ticket and came out with retirement and VA disability that is close to $100k a year. My kid's college(if they go that route) is taken care of because of veteran benefits in my state.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 05
    I got a high paying job right after retirement and we have been enjoying life but aggressively saving. We own a home as a rental property out of state but currently rent ourselves as any house in our HCOL area we would want comes with a $8- 9k mortgage, with rents on similar
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 06
    properties being roughly half that. Wife wants the more idyllic suburb life, and while I can appreciate its charms, I have no desire to do that for a second longer than is necessary to ensure my kids go to a good, safe school. After that, I want some land with a modest home, and a camper van. This is attainable for us at 48 years of age.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 07
    This is not at all on her bingo card. She wants the house in the suburbs that can't see the neighbors. Nice cars, and I guess something along the lines of hosting a legendary Christmas party that the who's who of the neighborhood attend.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 08
    I generate 5/6ths of our income and the burden would be on me to continue to perform at work to fund that lifestyle and pay the bills. I generally like my job and get paid handsomely, but I would quit in a second if I didn't have a family and a profoundly economy to consider.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 09
    My plan is to work hard while the kids are still around (not so hard I miss their childhood) get as close to zero debt as possible, and then become the man of leisure I have aspired to be. Drive my camper van around to see national parks, visit friends/family, drop whatever hobby I'm experimenting with to go help my kids out, and just generally chill hard AF. All of this with my wife as a co-conspirator.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 10
    What she wants keeps me in the churn for another 20+ years. She doesn't see why that's a big deal and when I say “I don't want to live to work" she discounts me as being eccentric. I do not think she understands how fortunate we are and that drives me insane.
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 11
    How do I better explain that we have been granted freedom from the tyranny of having to work till 65+ and she would squander it on a house bigger than we need and HOA ?
    via highspeed_haiku
  • 12
    workingclassheron · 14 hr. ago Strip off all the details about van vs. dinner parties and the issue is your wife wants community and you don't. You're trying to get as far away from people as you can, as soon as possible, and only see a select few people and only on your terms.
    via workingclassheron
  • 13
    This is a big issue and you need to work this out with your wife because it seems like you two have not been clear with one another about what you want out of life and making sure the goals you're working toward are common goals.
    via workingclassheron
  • 14
    Admirable-Cobbler319 6 hr. ago It's funny how this is a recurring issue for a lot of couples. I know 2 separate married couples dealing with something similar. (Neither involve a van, but both involve a form of going "off grid")
    via Admirable-Cobbler319
  • 15
    Beneficial-Address61 6 hr. ago It's like OP hasn't stopped to realize that while he was off fighting in wars (thank you, for you service, OP) his wife was the one back home taking care of everything. Every military move they did while he was active duty, would've fell on her shoulders.
    via Beneficial-Address61
  • 16
    The sense of community your wife is seeking in retirement is the same community that got her through your deployments. Sounds like you two really need to sit down and be honest with one another. You two also need to listen to what the other one is saying.
    via Beneficial-Address61
  • 17
    TwistyBitsz 5 hr. ago We're not military but he's an extrovert with lots of family and friends and I'm the opposite. I could definitely compromise as far as having people around, socially. It wouldn't be about a society lady thing like OP is describing, though.
    via TwistyBitsz
  • 18
    mvanpeur 5 hr. ago Yes. This is something they can totally compromise on since he makes $100k without even working. That's more than the average suburban income by itself. Buy a house in an affordable suburb for part of the year, then travel in a camper van whenever they want.
    via mvanpeur
  • 19
    LiberalAspergers. 5 hr. ago Military life...being deployed for years at a time will both change your life goals AND make you be out of touch with your spouse while those goals are changing. 112 Reply Share El Che1 5 hr. ago As a former military guy I totally agree.
    via LiberalAspergers
  • 20
    itjustkeepsongiving. 16 hr. ago Honestly, I'm not coming for you with this comment, at all. Just trying to give some insight. Based on how you describe it here, you don't seem to understand what she really wants. It sounds like you only have a surface level understanding of what she's looking for. While you give more detail about what you want, you simply add her in to that as a "co-conspirator."
    via itjustkeepsongiving
  • 21
    If you're interested in really trying to maintain your relationship I think you both need to understand the other person's goals better. Not just the things that go along with those goals (for her hosting parties, for you traveling to national parks) but the actual thing you each want from those.
    via itjustkeepsongiving
  • 22
    Obviously, you may very well take that deeper look and realize you're better off with different partners, but it's still worth the effort IMO. You have kids so whether or not your marriage works, your relationship with each other has to.
    via itjustkeepsongiving
  • 23
    How do I better explain that we have been granted freedom from the tyranny of having to work till 65+ and she would squander it on a house bigger than we need and HOA ?
    via itjustkeepsongiving

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millennial marriage elder millennial van life millennials interesting van suburban generations benefits married money couple
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