'Vegan cheese is the grossest thing I've ever tried': Dad refuses to buy groceries for 15-year-old vegan daughter

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Dietary choices are a very easy way to start family drama. When I first went vegetarian many years ago, my parents couldn't get enough of worrying about my protein intake. While they have since calmed down about it, I can still sympathize with those who face breaking the news to their omnivorous relatives.

I also realize that when you live with somebody who eats differently from you, it can make mealtimes a struggle. While it's possible to have a plant-based diet on a budget, there is also a big market for animal product substitutes that cost a pretty penny. 

This was a dilemma that was faced by one parent and child when a Redditor's daughter decided that she wanted to be vegan. Her dad claimed that buying groceries for two diets was doubling his grocery bill, and told her that she would have to contribute more financially if she wanted to eat this way. Posting on AITA, people were conflicted as to the correct solution. Neither of them were budging.

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  • 01
    220 r/AmltheAsshole u/ScreenFlat6412.1d AITA for telling my daughter that if she goes vegan she will need to get a job and buy her own groceries Not the
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    Header image: Anh Nguyen

  • 02
    My daughter 15 almost 16 went vegetarian about a year ago. Overall it went well and didn't add much to the grocery list. The family already didn't eat much meat.
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  • 03
    She has been talking about going vegan for a while and last time I got groceries she asked me to pick some stuff up. Overall it almost double the price of our grocery bill. Also I found most of the food to be bad. Vegan cheese has to be grosses thing I ever tried.
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  • 04
    She kept talking about it and I sat her down. I told her if she goes vegan she will have to get her own job and pay for her groceries. That we can not afford to double the grocery bill and I am not going to replace things with alternatives that the family doesn't like.
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  • 05
    This resulted in an argument and she is calling me a My ex wife is on my about it and I told her she can pay for our extra groceries if that s a big enough issue for her. She also thinks I am a
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  • 06
    Edit: we already by rice and what not. The issue is the stable foods, like pasta, bread and so on. She can't just eat rice and beans. That's not healthy I just learned white sugar isn't vegan, seriously why. That makes it so much harder This is what I am going to do, I will give her 20 bucks and she can buy her stuff. I will get my own stables and she can figure out her own vegan meals from there
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  • 07
    seregil42 1d Professor Emeritass [87] Info: Have you sat down with your daughter and tried to come up with alternatives to what she's asking you to buy? Have you sat down with her and talked with her to come up with a meal plan that you CAN fit into your budget? I don't know your budget, so I can't really give any kind of judgement off of that. Were it me, though, I'd have a tough time making my daughter go out and buy her own food at 15/16, though. Now, I certainly would tell her that I'm not g
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  • 08
    PuzzlingBLT 1d Partassipant [2] There's cheap vegan meals. Beans and rice, salad, tofu. She doesn't need the expensive items. Definitely reasonable to make her pay for the extra expensive stuff.
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  • 09
    Dahlia-la-la-la 1d I feel like OP just wants validation instead of engaging in discussion. They keep repeating the same statement. I'm vegetarian nearly vegan, tried to incorporate meat into my diet and my grocery bill increased significantly. Look at the price of meat vs the price of tofu. In terms of price, it's hard to get cheaper than making a vegetable soup in bulk and freezing. OP don't look at the fancy processed vegan foods. Just buy a good cook book, buy lots of veg and raw ingredients,
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  • 10
    hannahsflora 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] All the Y T A comments are conveniently ignoring that OP did buy the food their daughter specifically requested, but it sounds like all the daughter requested were vegan convenience food items. NTA for refusing to buy those - vegan convenience food items, much like their non-vegan counterparts, are more expensive than buying from-scratch ingredients. What I might recommend instead, is sitting down with her and talking about what you ARE willing to pay for
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  • 11
    At 15, your daughter is old enough to do some research of her own and figure out what's vegan without relying solely on convenience food. She's also old enough to understand that money isn't unlimited and there are other people in the house that have to be fed, too. I am a little confused by your edit - are you saying you DON'T buy bread, pasta and other staples? Most dried pasta is naturally vegan because it doesn't use eggs, and many commercially available breads are too - it's not at all hard
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  • 12
    machinery-smith 1d NTA, but there might be a chance for you both to work out the issue. 1st of all, your daughter might not understand that you can't just "shift out" one ingredient for a similar, vegan one. You are in no way obligated to buy vegan alternatives, you and her are only responsible for making sure she gets sufficient nutrients, which are available in various other forms. 2nd of all (don't repeat my bluntness to your daughter) but this isn't a matter of what she CAN'T eat, but WON'T,
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  • 13
    to illustrate both points: if your daughter doesn't want to eat regular cheese, then she just won't eat cheese. And she also won't be eating vegan cheese. Unless cheese is a huge essential staple in your household, all your daughter is going to miss out on is the culinary, sensory joy of cheese. And that's a perfect opportunity for you to sit her down, and gently tell her that if she wants to be vegan, she has to make sacrifices - give up luxury products like cheese on pasta. Not essentials, but
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  • 14
    tl;dr your daughter needs to do more research into vegan alternatives that aren't just direct replacements, and she needs to accept that she might have to drop luxury products such as cheese. A lifestyle is a choice, not a buy-out of guilt
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  • 15
    247Justice 1d If she wants to be vegan, she needs to learn to cook vegan. Supplying ingredients shouldn't cost much more, buying prepared vegan is EXPENSIVE. If it is so important to her, she will do it, if not, she can eat what is provided and exclude what she doesn't want. Veggies, nuts, beans, etc. shouldn't add too much overall, but if she wants meat and cheese substitutes, then I agree that she can contribute. She can make all of it herself with a little bit of effort.
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  • 16
    Comfortable-Sea-2454 1d Commander in Cheeks [244] NTA - doubling your grocery bill for a single member of the family for a personal choice, not a medical need is insane. "My ex wife is on my about it and I told her she can pay for our extra groceries if that s a big enough issue for her." Your ex can send the special food with your daughter for visits and take home whatever is not used because it sounds like no one in your house is interested.
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  • 17
    Latter-Shower-9888 1d Enthusiast [6] Edited to change my verdict to YTA. After reading through your comments OP, you are simply actively trying to be difficult and not support your daughter. NA H - I totally get where you're coming from. If there's no room in the food budget, there's no room! And vegan alternatives are pricey. I also understand her convictions and wanting to try to be vegan. Here's the thing about going vegan tho - you don't need all the fancy vegan meat/cheese/egg alternatives.
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  • 18
    mdthomas 1d Sultan of Sphincter [635] I mean, I get that she has principles but she is still a child and you are responsible for her care. If her preferences are out of your budget but she still has access to good food that won't physically hurt her, she can choose to eat what you can provide or can pay for her own. NTA
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  • 19
    bewbies- 1d Partassipant [1] It seems like on further discussion a big part of this issue is just a lack of knowledge. Many breads -- even some cheap white sandwich breads are vegan. There are tons of inexpensive fresh and frozen foods that are vegan. They just don't say "vegan" on the packaging. There's a robust market out there for selling like "vegan bread" to people who either don't know any better or get something out of specially labeled bread. You don't have to be one of those people. Lea
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  • 20
    Trevena_Ice 1d Colo-rectal Surgeon [39] NTA. Agree with you. If she wants fancy alternativ vegan products, she has to pay for them herself. You would still have the efford to cook two meals - a vegan one for her and some not vegan for the rest of the family. Just because she is going vegan it is not fair to the rest of you, to pay more for food only she likes.
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groceries aita vegans parenting dad argument vegan food reddit thread daughter Reddit grocery shopping money grocery store
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