'Exactly as fake and staged as you imagine': 20+ Friends and spouses of influencers explain the behind-the-scenes drama of influencer life

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Apr 4, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

If you ever wanted to know what a day in the life of an influencer is like, let us clue you in. Thanks to one person's question to r/AskReddit, more than 1,000 friends and spouses of influencers told their tales of what it's like. 

A lot of it depends on how many followers the person has. For influencers with hundreds of thousands, it can take over their whole life. Some people shared that they got tired of having to wait for every meal to be photographed, and every party documented in great detail. It takes away from the joy of the moment if you have to stop and take 100 photos just to get one that one friend likes. 

Even for people with fewer followers, the pressure is still on. One person shared that while they liked working with influencers, the wanna-be influencer types were often impolite and demanding. They wanted so badly to be seen as a celebrity that they apparently want everyone to treat them like VIPs, whether they've earned that or not. It sounds exhausting to keep up that kind of lifestyle, and a lot of people admitted that they've stopped keeping up with their influencer friends' lifestyle. 

Next, these people were stunned to find out they were fired for some pretty silly reasons, like the person who "left pool noodles outside on accident" and got fired for that one transgression. 

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  • 01
    Telstra 4G 1:46 pm 48 healthy_karma O IRL friends of social media "influencers": what is it like? Q ♡
    via Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash
  • 02
    IRL friends of social media "influencers": what is it like?
    via u/superfuncity
  • 03
    mortimerza My wife has a friend that thinks she is a Kardashian with her 80k followers and does everything "for the gram" lol. Her ex boyfriend bought most of them lol and she only gets around 50 likes per post
    via u/mortimerza
  • 04
    whenthesunrise Awful. One of my best friends fell real hard into Instagram, and for a few years it was tolerable and understandable, albeit annoying and strange. Everything needed to be documented in specific ways, so lots & lots of photos, even if it took away from the moment. But the strange part was how,
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 05
    when she'd share things, the captions always told a slightly different story than what actually happened. Like just off enough for me and my other friends to say, huh, that has a weird quality to it. Fast forward a couple years, and she gets engaged. Boom. This was the catalyst for the worst of the influencer mentality to come out.
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 06
    I was in the bridal party, and it was a nightmare. No gratitude, just demands. Demands for expensive trips and expensive parties and all kinds of things that were above and beyond the means of her closest friends. And all the demands were because she had a "following" and had certain expectations to meet.
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 07
    It was really heart wrenching to witness someone belittle their best friend and maid of honor for trying to plan a sweet bridal shower because it wasn't going to be at an expensive restaurant or art gallery. It reached its peak for me when, after the in-state wedding became an expensive destination wedding, there was the demand for an out-of- town bachelorette
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 08
    party a few weeks before. I was honest and said I couldn't afford the bachelorette (mind you, I made about a thousand sacrifices over those months to afford what I could), and was promptly bridezilla'd and told I ruined the whole experience and that I was an awful, fake, inauthentic person.
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 09
    It got so bad that the bridal party fractured and disintegrated, she lost two of her best friends (myself and the MOH didn't even attend the wedding after all her behavior and blow-ups), and we've barely spoken since. All so she could have an instagrammable wedding that would look good for the few photos she ended up sharing of it. And, true.
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 10
    to the weird strange re- written reality ways she had, she published a public "apology" on her blog for her followers and family that completely distorted and rewrote what happened, painted herself as the victim, and got her the sympathy points she was looking for.
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 11
    Ppl really lose themselves when they create an artifice for social media. I learned a lot from her.
    via u/whenthesunrise
  • 12
    42charlemagne I dated one. Not super popular but followers in the 100k range last time we spoke. I remember a lot of getting ignored and only receiving nice gifts/acts of kindness when they could post about it. Asking me to go to nice places (they didn't drive) only to leave me on a bench somewhere while they took pictures. Huge
    via u/42charlemagne
  • 13
    strain on the relationship, especially when they started to get bigger and there was more demand for content.
    via u/42charlemagne
  • 14
    [deleted] She hasn't come to anything I've invited her to in 5 years because she only goes to events that "further her business." Regularly says things like, "we're all using each other for something." Sometimes she texts me the same exact thing word for word over a couple of days, and it's obvious she
    via u/[deleted]
  • 15
    just copy/pastes the same thing and sends it to all of us and then forgets who she has sent it to. She still reaches out to me multiple times a year and claims I'm one. of her best friends, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I've told her as much, but she just says "this is my life now, my business comes first and if you can't accept
    via u/[deleted]
  • 16
    that, then I guess you're not a real friend."
    via u/[deleted]
  • 17
    LemonFly4012 Pretty mundane, honestly. My friend is conventionally attractive, and if you look at her social media, you'd think she were a supermodel millionaire who goes on tons of trips. She's actually chronically unemployed, and has an income of less than 10k/yr. Her boyfriend
    via u/LemonFly4012
  • 18
    makes about $60k/yr which is enough to afford them a very nice 3 1/2 bedroom apartment, and she has tons of props she uses to make each room look different from day to day so it seems like she's always in a new, exotic place. They take two trips a year to fun, tropical places, in which she takes many photos, and posts them as different places
    via u/LemonFly4012
  • 19
    throughout the year. She's a very kind, considerate, sparkling personality, but whenever we hang out, I tend to be a shoulder to cry on as she laments about her lack of success in life. It's quite sad, honestly. But with her creativity and personality, I think she'll achieve her dreams eventually.
    via u/LemonFly4012
  • 20
    S_204 It's annoying AF. One of my buddies is constantly filming everything we do and posting it. It's to the point where people walk up to me on the street and ask me about him because they've seen me in his posts...i have no idea who they are.
    via u/S_204
  • 21
    It dominates everything he does, and has severely impacted his personal relationships. He can't keep a GF and it's clearly related to this obsession of his. He does occasionally get some cool stuff out of it though.
    via u/S_204
  • 22
    After pretty much kicking him out of my life because I do not want to be continually posted online, we've come to the understanding that when he's about to take a pic or video, he hands me the phone so i'm not in the shot. Works OK for me.
    via u/S_204
  • 23
    Neither-Act1355 Friends with a high profile athlete who is pretty popular on insta.... he is always on the phone... never lives. in the moment. If we are doing anything fun? well, it basically didn't happen unless the world knows about it. Its just annoying ...I cant imagine living for the approval or satisfaction of others.
    via u/Neither-Act1355
  • 24
    oikorapunk I post travel photos and have about two hundred followers. 200, not 2000 or higher.
    via u/oikorapunk
  • 25
    My friend somehow thought that was influencer status and decided to copy me - except she quit her job so she could travel more and "grow her own brand". In 2020. She lost her apartment, her car, and still hasn't found a job, but calls herself a professional influencer all the same.
    via u/oikorapunk
  • 26
    Sydneyfigtree I know a wannabe influencer. She will reply to her own posts from her husband's account praising herself. Then she will reply to those posts as herself thanking him, it's hilarious, like inception for Facebook.
    via u/Sydneyfigtree
  • 27
    EmeraldSunrise4000. To be honest it's really I feel like I've been completely forgotten about and like I don't matter anymore. I think that's just some weird misguided jealousy but it still hurts because I miss talking to my friend
    via u/EmeraldSunrise4000
  • 28
    yonewredditwhodis. Sad. In the beginning they started because they got offers from brands because they were so popular on Instagram and it was a lot of fun for them. Now they don't ever post pictures or videos without a filter. Rarely ever like a picture on the first try and don't you dare post any
    via u/yonewredditwhodis
  • 29
    pictures of them without getting their approval for it. Imagine trying to get a group picture with all of your friends for your birthday but having you take almost one hundred shots to get one that your influencer friend is happy with. Also in the beginning I would like and comment on all of their posts but now that's
    via u/yonewredditwhodis
  • 30
    not enough. They expect me message it others, share it on my stories and my page (something about new rhythms and likes not being important anymore). I hate posting stuff to my page but I do it any way to be supportive.
    via u/yonewredditwhodis
  • 31
    It is so tiring. They do get free things sometimes though that they sometimes share with me. Not worth it imo.
    via u/yonewredditwhodis
  • 32
    [deleted] So incredibly annoying. I actually emded up cutting her off because everything had to be a photo opportunity. We could never just go out to lunch, or see a movie without it turning into a photoshoot. She never did anything with our friend group unless it was 'aesthetic', and even then, she was so focussed on getting us
    via u/[deleted]
  • 33
    to take photos that a. she didn't get to enjoy the activity, and b. it started bringing everyone else down because they couldn't participate either. And this sounds so petty, but she could never just show up in a t-shirt and leggings (because photos, obviously). Like even sleepovers and movie nights had to be a big production and
    via u/[deleted]
  • 34
    sometimes you just need to stuff your face with popcorn and look like a slob! It's good for the soul!! She'd also complain a lot about how hard her job was... Our friendship group at the time consisted of an EMT, two nurses, a teacher, and me who was juggling university, tutoring, and working
    via u/[deleted]
  • 35
    retail. Lile, I'm sure she had challenges and all jobs are hard sometimes, but... girl.... you get paid to take selfies with free stuff, and show up at events looking pretty...
    via u/[deleted]
  • 36
    Gremlinnut She became a horrible selfcenfered bu y.
    via u/Gremlinnut
  • 37
    SagittariusA_Star • Exactly as fake and staged as you imagine it to be, the on-camera moments are completely non genuine. It is in the end just an acting/modeling job and not their real personality.
    via u/SagittariusA_Star
  • 38
    CopingMole I sold my place to one a while ago. One of those newly green, sustainable, body - positivity types. Pretty much everything about what this person projects as her social media image is fake as it turned out. It was quite a sobering experience.
    via u/CopingMole
  • 39
    bright_star0 She is annoying.. there's no other word to describe her. Feel sorry for her because she is a person that needs attention all the time. (We are not friends but we live in the same house)
    via u/bright_star0
  • 40
    dinkleman123 Everything is fake. The attitude the mannerisms, everything. It sounds stupid until you realize they clear close to 7 figures a year.
    via u/dinkleman123
  • 41
    One time we vacationed with them and when we were out to dinner they said to us "one second we need to go film a bit" and they went from our friends who are calm and nice to the "HEY GUYS WE ARE IN THE BEAUTIFUL SOUTH FRANCE" annoying people everyone loves to hate.
    via u/dinkleman123
  • 42
    BadaSBich22 Got a friend with 75k subscribers on Youtube in a language other than English. It used to be about their weekend getaways with nice drone shots. It was interesting.Then, gradually became about their lives (how interesting/s). She's
    via u/BadaSBich22
  • 43
    get her phone/camera out at sometimes random moments, which could get annoying. She got pregnant. Baby everything now.
    via u/BadaSBich22
  • 44
    mustsurvivecapitlism. Not a friend per say but my ex's sister is an influencer (beauty/makeup) with over a million followers on yt. She was so anxious and stressed all the time. Horribly insecure. If she got some backlash or bad comments she'd be so upset. Was on a lot of
    via u/mustsurvivecapitlism
  • 45
    anti-anxiety medication. Meanwhile all the posts are her looking beautiful and travelling etc. She didn't have many friends either (that i saw anyway. Just lots of fans). It looked horrible. Ruined the illusion for me (that their lifestyles are perfect/happy) and i'm thankful for being able to see behind the curtain.
    via u/mustsurvivecapitlism
  • 46
    nerdyabout One of my best friends dated a really insta- famous guy. He invited us to his house for a Christmas party and this is when I realized how fake social media was. The guy didn't have the car he paraded on social media. He he leased it, took several photo shoots with it, then gave it back. His
    via u/nerdyabout
  • 47
    house was in a different city than he claimed. I don't think it was for security reasons though. He said he lived in a very rich city but his house was in a more modest place. He asked me to send him the videos I took at the party, posted them, and didn't even tag me because I "didn't have enough followers"? The worst part was that all
    via u/nerdyabout
  • 48
    the social media people at the party just kept yelling over each other trying to make the next big joke, but none of them were funny. Dude has millions of people fooled.
    via u/nerdyabout
  • 49
    PaulBlartFleshMall. Not friends with any anymore, but I used to work in San Diego nightlife and I had to rub elbows with a lot of these types. I'm talking 1-6m follower type girls who were brought into the club as promoters, back in 2016 when 1m followers was a big deal.
    via u/PaulBlartFleshMall
  • 50
    The girls themselves aren't that bad. Some are crazy entitled, but for the most part they're there for business and SD is a small enough town that reputation matters. The worst were the subsuckers. Other girls who had fewer than 1m followers, who hung around to try and soak up subscribers and make contacts in
    via u/PaulBlartFleshMall
  • 51
    the industry. Think of them like small-time actors who think they're a big deal just because they have a few pilots in production. "I'm not big now, but you should kiss my because I'm the next big thing" types. These girls would literally do nothing but take
    via u/PaulBlartFleshMall
  • 52
    pictures all night (or all day, depending on the club) and demand free bottles, extra service, and other garbage without ever tipping. influencers.
    via u/PaulBlartFleshMall
  • 53
    MarvelAlex I went on a date with one and it was just frustrating. Pleasant enough girl, but she was on her phone a lot. I had sympathy since it's her job, but I felt ignored a lot of the time we were together.
    via u/MarvelAlex
  • 54
    MrLionOtterBearClown. Sad. You watch them slowly mentally degrade. Always ends in full blown NPD or them having literally 0 self confidence. Their goal is to meet artificial metrics in terms of likes/views/follows. For a lot of them, that's their definition of
    via u/MrLionOtterBearClown
  • 55
    success/goal in life and if they're not hitting it, they have failed as people in their minds. So they go one of two routes. #1 is thinking that they're really not good enough and don't deserve to be liked which leads to a total lack of confidence and them becoming a shell of the person they were. #2 is
    via u/MrLionOtterBearClown
  • 56
    narcissism, where they come to the conclusion that they're the best person ever and no one else knows what they're talking about, and every single flaw, fault, or mistake they have/ have made is someone else's fault.
    via u/MrLionOtterBearClown

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