18-year-old mom abandons kid to pursue acting, comes crawling back years later begging her ex and 14-year-old son to take her back: 'She said I shouldn't rub salt in her wound'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Apr 11, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Whenever I think about a parent abandoning their child, the iconic scene from There Will Be Blood comes to mind. The young preacher Eli Sunday forces Daniel Plainview, the greasy oil baron who left his deaf son on a train to San Fransisco, to admit in front of the congregation that he abandoned his child. The iconic quote is, "I ABANDONED MY CHILD! I ABANDONED MY BOY!" This moment is super important in the story because it's one of the few times Eli has power over Daniel, and Daniel is humiliatingly forced to admit he is not without fault. 

Some parents never get held accountable for abandoning their kids. It is an inherently shameful thing to do, and some bad parents don't have the guts to admit that what they did was wrong and beg their kids for forgiveness. The mother in this story, who abandoned her son when he was 5 to pursue acting, is no different. 

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  • 01
    92 r/AmltheAsshole u/Born5351 • 17h AITA for telling my mom she can't waltz back into my life and expect me to be happy about it?
    via u/Born5351
  • 02
    My(14) parents had me when they were 18. My mom was from a wealthy family, but not my dad. She also had aspirations to become a movie star, so when I was five she let my dad and paternal grandparents have me. She thought me and my dad would be a liability.
    via u/Born5351
  • 03
    My maternal grandparents also sent some money to help over the years. She recently visited me and my dad. Told him she missed him. He rebuffed her, so she asked me if I could help her win him back.
    via u/Born5351
  • 04
    She thought that I could convince him to give her another chance. I told her no. When she asked why, I said the thing in the title.
    via u/Born5351
  • 05
    It clearly hurt her a lot. She said I don't understand how difficult it's been for her to stay away and that she's been 'dealing with an enormous amount of guilt.' That I shouldn't rub salt in her wound.
    via u/Born5351
  • 06
    UPDATE: A couple of hours ago, I went to have lunch with my mom and told her that she made her choice. She admitted that it was a big mistake, asking me again if I'd help her. I told her no, and that it is up to her if she wants dad back. That it's her job to make it up to him if she can. I can not help her with this.
    via u/Born5351
  • 07
    • hardfivesph 17h Partassipant [3] NTA. She's looking for you to relieve her guilt for the time she has lost rather than looking to see what she can do to make your life better with the time she has left. This is NOT your fault and she, as an adult, should know better. While I generally say it is better to have a mom in your life than not, it doesn't sound like she is making an effort so no sense in dwelling on her for too long. Reply ✰ 5.5k
    via u/hardfivesph
  • 08
    Vey-kun. 17h Partassipant [1] Its like those saying, "Children deserve a good parents but bad parents dont deserve a child"? laavuwu ⚫ 15h ← 1.1k Partassipant [1] The saying is "Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child" 1.2k
    via u/Vey-kun & u/laavuwu
  • 09
    werthtrillions • 16h The mother's lack of accountability is astounding. Not to mention making her child responsible for her feelings of guilt...it's not a child's job to regulate your emotions, she might have discovered that if she was an actual mother and stuck around. How do you come back into a child's life requesting help for winning the father back?! To call her a mother would be to insult actual mothers. 493
    via u/werthtrillions
  • 10
    asabovesobelow4 • 15h Not to mention it seems she is more interested in getting the dad back than her son... I mean yeah it's limited information but just based on this that's how it feels. Why is winning dad back her first thought? And oh hey son help me manipulate your dad to get back together. Just a hunch but I wonder if the movie thing wasn't working out, and she is having a hard time with finding a relationship, parents maybe have said hey enoughs enough we aren't sending more money on you
    via u/asabovesobelow4
  • 11
    lonelyspren 17h • Certified Proctologist [21] NTA. The audacity of her to believe your dad would be willing to jump back into her arms after she ditched him and their child together. She should feel guilty. ... Reply 1.4k
    via u/lonelyspren
  • 12
    PellyCanRaf 16h • Partassipant [1] The audacity to go to her child to help her win dad. back instead of apologizong and trying to make up for abandoning OP. ... 553
    via u/PellyCanRaf
  • 13
    TesticleezzNuts • 17h NTA she is the one who wronged you. Any type of reconciliation should be on your terms, you where the victim from her actions after all. You owe her nothing, it is she who owes you. Don't let yourself be emotionally blackmailed or manipulated by her. Reply 351
    via u/TesticleezzNuts
  • 14
    dejavux22 • 15h I agree. If OP is 14 now and she was born when the mom was 18, I have a spidey sense that now at 32 her dreams didn't work out the way she thought they would. She foolishly thinks she can come back after over a decade and have the family she left behind come back and play house now. No way. OP, your mom lost those rights to love and affection and forgiveness from your father and you when she never realized the huge mistake she was making and came back to be a part of your life. I
    via u/dejavux22
  • 15
    And she shouldn't be saying that you aren't allowed to express your feelings because she's "guilty enough". No she's not. She wanted bigger and better than you and your dad who have raised you. You know that. She needs to know that you know that, and if she wants any kind of reconciliation or relationship then her parents can send some more money for family therapy for only the two of you to go to, because your dad will not take her back and hasn't even coparented with her this entire time. But
    via u/dejavux22
  • 16
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    via Yan Berthemy

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