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‘His mother cheated [and] I was quickly replaced’: Teen son makes it clear that he prefers his step-dad over his bio-dad, so bio-dad makes it clear he prefers his new wife over his son

"I'm really tired of the idea that parents are somehow obligated to just take endless meanness, neglect, and general nastiness from their teenage/adult children…"

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Posted by Elna McHilderson
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  • Life is messy, and so are relationships. Some would say that relationships are the main reason life is messy. But is also the reason it is beautiful, so we keep having them. Family relationships, romantic relationships, new relationships, whatever it is, there are always ups and downs. In the case of Redditor u/Maleficent-Fix-7424 things got extra messy. 

    This guy's wife cheated on him with his brother when their son was only 3 years old. She ended up leaving him and marrying his brother. This guy is also on the road a lot because he is a professional truck driver, so when he got replaced in the family dynamic by his own brother, things went even more downhill. Now, his son was calling his brother “dad” and he wasn't only left by his wife by his brother, but now his brother replaced him as his kid's father. Obviously, he went into a very dark place and hit the big sad pretty hard. Until he met his new wife and life started to have meaning for him again. 

    His son never really cared for him and now at almost 18 years old, he made it very clear that he considers this Redditor's brother, aka the man who stole his wife, his actual father. So when he asked his bio-dad to come to an event after making it clear that he asked everyone else first and they couldn't make it, his bio-dad said no. He already had plans with his new wife and couldn't cancel. So his son, in an adolescent rage, accused him of loving his new wife more than him. His bio-dad thought about it and he did, so he told him. Was that a big mistake for a father or was the son old enough to hear such harsh words when he had said the same thing to his bio-dad about him vs his step-dad so many times before? See the full story and discussion below. 

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  • 1
    "I started prioritizing [my new wife], since [my teen son] didn't seem to care. I put her over him."
    Via Pexels via Freerange
  • 2
    AITA for telling my(42m) son(17m) that I love my wife (42f) more than him? Back when my son, Caleb, was 3, I found out his mother, Debra (42F), was cheating on me with my brother Drew (47M). She left me for him, and I ended up losing half my money as well as losing Caleb 50% of the time. I was quickly replaced by Drew in Caleb's eyes, as he was more present (I'm a truck driver and owner-operator, so I was gone most of the time), but I did try to make up for it in whatever way I could, though tha
    Via Maleficent-Fix-7424
  • 3
    I was really depressed over my life turning out that way and thought of suicide a lot. The fact that Drew practically stole my life and really didn't face any consequences, as my family, especially my dad, expected me to just move on. Things started getting better after I met my wife, June (42F). She was your typical "mean librarian," and it took me about 7 times to convince her to even talk to me, but it worked, and I'm now proud to be her husband. Naturally, I started prioritizing her, and sin
    Via Maleficent-Fix-7424
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  • 4
    Any free time I had, it was either trips with June or staying home together. We eloped when Caleb was 15. She's been nothing but nice to him and is a good stepmom to him even when his begin which Im sure my ex supports and encourages it but we don't see him much so June doesn't mind. Now, onto the problem: Caleb had an award ceremony, and I guess Drew couldn't make it, so he invited me. I couldn't go since I had plans with my love. I told him the truth, and he got mad and said it was wrong of me
    Via Maleficent-Fix-7424
  • 5
    He accused me of loving June over him, and I didn't deny it; I told him I did. He got quiet and then hung up. I later got a call from Debra, calling me all sorts of names for my statement, saying Caleb had been crying nonstop. I just blocked her. My dad messaged me, saying what I said was cruel. My wife is on my side. AITA?
    Via Maleficent-Fix-7424
  • 6
    nebnla-eas6852 14h ago I understand where you're coming from because you've laid out the context. But I'm sure your son is totally oblivious so your words came out of nowhere. Sit down with him, only him, and tell him what you've said here. Allow him that closure of understanding why his bio dad doesn't love him as much. +371 ☐ Reply ↑ Share
    Via nebnla-eas6852
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  • 7
    bigbadmamaofdc • 16h ago YTA only in that you said that without context. He needed to hear how his treatment of you led to this point. Just tossing it out there without that bit of info was unfair. No 17 year old is self- reflective enough to wonder why you'd feel that way. ETA: your ex-wife and dad can and should kick rocks. 660 Reply ↑ Share ...
    Via bigbadmamaofdc
  • 8
    • Magdovus 15h ago Context is king. Caleb may be feeling abandoned right now. Is he living near you? Go and talk to him to explain what you mean. Send him a congratulations gift - something to show that you're thinking of him and do care. A voucher or gift card to go for a pizza with a couple of friends or something? 96 ☐ Reply ↑ Share
    Via Magdovus
  • 9
    KelceStache 15h ago • You tell Caleb how you and his mom ended up apart? 14 + More replies Reply ↑ Share ... Suitable_Turnover981 • 14h ago Is he your son or nephew? Have you had a dna test done? Reply ↑ Share 13 + More replies
    Via KelceStache
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  • 10
    Independent-Sky9937 • 16h ago He's your kid. You're the adult. Handle it like one. 105 Reply ↑ Share More replies Bubblekinss 15h ago • YTA for giving up on your son. He was (or still is) a kid. 67 ⇓ Reply ↑ Share
    Via Independent-Sky9937
  • 11
    • tytyoreo 16h ago Your ex your dad and brother are all AH.... You're the biological parent not the back up or back burner parent... Hopefully soon your son will realized you do love him and care.... seems like other people have been in his ears as well.... Get him a nice gift or a gift card... 39 д Reply ↑ Share ...
    Via tytyoreo
  • 12
    kyss24 15h ago • YTA. And your kid won't forget this one. How crushing can you be? Poor kid. Most teenagers are at least a little self centered. You are the adult. Act like it. 24 ☐ Reply ↑ Share + More replies KelsarLabs 15h ago Eh, you went a little too far babe, you know it but it's out there and the damage is done. Hopefully one day the kid will understand how it all got to this point. Good luck. 21 Reply ↑ Share
    Via kyss24
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  • 13
    tropicsandcaffeine 16h ago "Since Caleb did not seem to care" = Dad found a new woman and started a new family. He does not care about me anymore. When you were out on the road did you call him? Send emails or texts? Bring home small trinkets from your trips? Show him that he is not forgotten? ☹ ↑ 17 ⇓ Reply ↑ Share Maleficent-Fix-7424 OP • 16h ago I did do that, call, gifts, everything. 25 Reply ↑ Share
    Via tropicsandcaffeine
  • 14
    CampaignDangerous632 15h ago . You probably could have phrased things better, but NTA. I'm really tired of the idea that parents are somehow obligated to just take endless meanness, neglect, and general nastiness from their teenage/adult children. I can't fault you for investing the bulk of your time and energy in someone who is actually there for you and reciprocates your affections. 17 Reply ↑ Share ...
    Via CampaignDangerous632
  • 15
    • gtatc 15h ago I'm not even going to try and parse out culpability because jesus christ is this a mess. Talk to your kid. He's old enough to hear that you have feelings and he's been a piece of hit. He's young enough and emotionslly dysregulated enough that it won't go well. But you need to say it and he needs to hear it. Offer some family therapy if he wants it. If he doesn't, just say "well, it's always there if you change your mind" and then leave him be. You want him to know that the door t
    Via gtatc
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  • 16
    Lakeview121 • 11h ago In an ideal world, the parent is a source of unconditional love. It is the adults job to provide that love despite the actions of the child. When I say love, that includes guidance and mentoring. I understand how the wife leaving for the brother is damaging. It also damaged OP and his ability to bond with his son. It seems he might have resentment that carried over into this relationship. June couldn't go to the award ceremony? The young man is getting a reward, that is som
    Via Lakeview121
  • 17
    I wouldn't tell a young person he is loved less. One goal of parenting is to cause no damage. That is the kind of blow that lasts a while. You could have lied and said you love neither more but that there were already plans; as mentioned, you could have attempted to modify your plans. I understand where you are coming from OP, but ideally you would have better feelings in your heart for this young man. 15 Reply ↑ Share
    Via Lakeview121
  • 18
    mocha_madness1664 15h ago YTA, but not a completely horrible person. Here's the thing, your son is 17, and has been living with two people who have, very likely, accepted and even encouraged his poor treatment of you and your wife. While he is responsible for his own actions you have to realize that, from a very young age, he's been manipulated and used to fuel a narrative. Telling your son you live your new wife more than him is going to HURT. You could've handled this so much better, you could
    Via mocha_madness1664
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  • 19
    I myself have divorced parents, and my stepdad's an . Despite hating the man, the things he says to me hurt. Despite living hundreds of miles from him, his words hurt. The same applies to you and your son. In general I think your son is being unreasonable, expecting you to drop your plans for him last minute, especially as a "last resort" invite. Still, he's 17. This is gonna stick with him forever. I think you need to have a good talk with your son about this stuff, and really try to calmly exp
    Via mocha_madness1664
  • 20
    Excellent-Freedom473 • 14h ago Who's to say that the wife wasn't messing around with the brother when she got pregnant? Would explain why the ex and brother alienated op with the son. OP is NTA, considering all the he's been through. He was an after thought to go to the celebration, kid only got mad because he wouldn't have "parents" sitting in the audience. 11 Reply ↑ Share
    Via Excellent-Freedom473
  • 21
    ProperEarwig • 15h ago ESH. But mostly your ex, your brother and your dad. I feel sorry for poor Caleb. You are not wrong to feel the way you do but you are wrong for the way you dealt with it. You should have told Caleb you feel like he only invited you because your brother couldn't attend and that made you feel really bad. You should have also congratulated him and offered to take him out to a nice dinner or get him a present for his achievements, at a time when you were not busy 49 ↓ Reply ↑
    Via ProperEarwig

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teen rage family drama wife cheated dads family therapy bio dad co parenting moving on fatherhood family dynamic step dad teenagers teen son child of divorce marraige parenting Bad Dad family questions divorce adolescence step son Reddit raising teenagers divorced parents

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