UPDATE: 'I chose to leave. I gave his ring back and told him we’re done': 27-year-old calls off engagement after her fiancé insists on buying a remote cottage 3 hours away from her job, risking her career

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Aug 13, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

This update delivers a twist: the one where "let's talk it out" fails and "let's pack it up" becomes the new rallying cry. What started as five years of mutual consideration and date nights turned into a master class in stubborn fantasy, as Mr. Work From Home discovered his true calling as a full-time minimizer of other people's dreams. Suddenly, that team spirit unraveled with the subtlety of a property survey full of caveats. When your partner starts suggesting it's "time for a fresh career" because his nostalgia needs are non-negotiable, the writing's not just on the wall, it's in permanent marker.

No points awarded for vague pleading after the ultimatum lands. No medals for redefining "partnership" as one-person compromise. The breakup, baked and delivered with a neat return of the ring, turned out to be the first clear decision anyone made since viewings began. Now our protagonist is thirty minutes from work, surrounded by family and actual free time, newly single but noticeably unburdened.

Consider this a reminder for all domestic dealmakers: sometimes the real fairy tale is a short commute, your own boundaries, and a future where nobody has to ask if you're overthinking a five a.m. wakeup.

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  • *UPDATE* AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

    "I do not want to live a life with somebody that doesn't consider how I feel in all of this"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I wasn't expecting to be able to update this fast, but here we are. First off I want to thank everyone that commented on my last post, and also add some context as I realised my last post may have been lacking some.
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  • In the great real estate romance saga, our daring nursery practitioner hero has finally called time on the quaint-fantasy-cottage-logistical-nightmare arc. In our last installment, she was locked in a staring contest with her fiancé: he, starry-eyed for an isolated fixer-upper three hours from anything resembling basic human services; she, hanging onto her hard-earned career, clutching her sanity, and tactfully sidestepping a future of six-hour slogs for the privilege of collapsing on a dubious antique settee. 

  • Fiancé and I have been together five years but I have known him for twelve years, and in all the time I've known him and especially since we got together he's always been sweet, taken my feelings into consideration and hasn't actively ignored my opinion like this.
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  • It's always been a two yes, one no situation in decisions before this. We had a good relationship otherwise, we had date nights once a fortnight, we enjoyed each others company, had aligning plans for the future and the same ideals for a relationship.
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  • a woman's hand holding a golden weeding ring
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • He had watched me go through a few quite bad relationships over the years before we got together and did his best to be the opposite of my exes, though he's always been quite pushy when it comes to sual intimacy so I guess that's an issue.
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  • But other than that it was great, and we had actually had a lot of talks about what we wanted in a house. We had agreed that we wanted a house or cottage either the same distance away or closer to my work, a bit more remote but still with a town or city easily accessible by public transport and car.
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  • I'm not sure why he suddenly switched to wanting a house so far out from everything and everyone we both know. We live in the UK, and a two hour drive can have you in basically a whole other world.
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  • Anyway, the actual update. I had annual leave from work yesterday, and my now-ex fiancé was having a WFH day, something he's been doing more and more frequently as of late.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10540776960
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is another reason he is so okay with the house he wants being where it is, because he can just switch to full time work from home. In the morning I sat down with him and tried to bring up the house.
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  • I laid out my points from my last post yet again and told him I am under no circumstances leaving my job, I love it and I do not want to search for another.
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  • I brought up the countless other houses that fit our criteria that are in our area and closer to my work, some of which we have viewed.
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  • We haven't viewed the place he wants yet as we haven't had the time, and I told him I do not want to as I already know it's not what I want.
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  • I also asked him if he really thinks it would be okay for me to have a 6 hour round commute every day, especially considering my shift starts at 8am so I would have to leave by 5am every morning and be up by around 4am.
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  • My shifts typically finish - at 5:30pm, so I wouldn't even be back home until 8:30pm. Would he be okay with doing all the childcare in the future, housework and just everything that needed to be done because I would not be home for any of it?
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  • He didn't seem to take any of it to heart, and still insisted I could find another job, maybe one not even in child care, and that's what finally pushed me over the edge.
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  • Child care has been my dream since I was a little girl, and I managed to find an absolute dream of a workplace that I know many child care practitioners would kill to work for.
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  • How could I possibly leave that all behind when I've worked so hard for it? He told me he's set on this house, so either I accept it or I leave.
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  • I chose leave. I gave his ring back and told him we're done, that he's not being the sweet, considerate man I fell in love with and I don't know why he can't see my side of things in this.
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  • I do not want to live a life with somebody that doesn't consider how I feel in all of this.
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  • This completely shocked him and he started begging me to rethink, that we can figure something out, but I refused and went to pack my things.
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  • I'm staying with my brother and his wife now, which is nice because they live closer to my workplace (a 30 minute drive instead of an hour), and I get to spend time with my little nieces.
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  • I am hurting, but I also feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I do not deserve to not have my opinion valued, and he certainly did not.
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  • I guess it's onwards and upwards as they say, but I definitely won't be dating for a long time after this.
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