‘I work with a toddler’: Employee gets silent treatment from manager after they leave manager's team for a big promotion

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 30, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

If you can't be happy for your employees when they get a great promotion and manage to prove their worth inside or outside of the company, then you should probably not be a manager. This might sound harsh, but being a good manager is more than just about professional skills, a lot of it is simply being supportive of the people you actually manage, even when you don't feel like it.

The manager in this Reddit story is an example of a person who is not a great pick for a management position. OP (original poster), wrote to Reddit after they got a huge promotion they were super excited about. That promotion meant they would be leaving their manager's team, but would still work with her daily. When OP told their manager about the promotion, they expected her to be happy and proud of them, but they were actually met with a cold shoulder and even a full-on silent treatment.

Keep scrolling to read the full story. After you are done, click here for a story of overworked employees who got their bonus cut so management can hire more staff.

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  • 01
    "Apparently I work with a toddler"
    via Canva
  • 02
    Got a huge promotion, rewarded with the silent treatment
    via u/ichabodious
  • 03
    Hi, I'm hoping I can get some clarity here on what to expect from my manager after I accepted a promotion at work. As background, she's generally an unhappy person but she's been in a leadership role for a
    via u/ichabodious
  • 04
    long time, and we've worked together for a number of years. She's someone who got promoted within the organization decades ago.
    via u/ichabodious
  • 05
    I initially told her I was applying for the promotion out of a sense of obligation months ago. Her reaction was disappointing: she looked angry and was quiet, but finally managed to tell me to go for it after I said I
    via u/ichabodious
  • 06
    felt I needed to tell her out of respect. Then she made a dig about my level of education, which I took as her way of saying good luck, you're never going to get this. I'm sure she believed that.
    via u/ichabodious
  • 07
    Fast forward several months and I was offered the job. It should be exciting because it's a big raise, almost double what I'm making, and my first senior role. These opportunities where I work are also very rare, so I'm particularly stoked.
    via u/ichabodious
  • 08
    The person who hired me told me to keep things under wraps until he had a chance to inform my manager himself. That happened on Tuesday am and she hasn't spoken to me since.
    via u/ichabodious
  • 09
    I'm experiencing full blown silent treatment in a shared office space, the likes of which I have not seen since my college years with a toxic roommate.
    via u/ichabodious
  • 10
    I understand she feels put out that she needs to replace me, but this feels so wrong. I've left other jobs where I've been valued and watched other people leave-never have I
    via u/ichabodious
  • 11
    witnessed someone punish a person for seeking something better. The worst part is I still have to find a way to work with her in my new role, otherwise I'd be in
    via u/ichabodious
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    HR already. I sent her an email explaining why I accepted the job and saying I want the best transition possible/let me know how to help, but she told me she isn't ready to discuss because she's still "processing."
    via u/ichabodious
  • 13
    Has anyone ever heard of this kind of reaction? When do I say enough is enough and involve HR or my new leadership? Thank you!
    via u/ichabodious
  • 14
    nerdburg So you work with a toddler? Lol. I'd just let her process and do my own thing for a while. PS Congrats on the promotion!
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  • 15
    SuzeCB And this is why she got her promotion early on, then nothing afterwards. Sometimes the bosses DO know what they're doing. Learn from her and don't become her.
    via u/SuzeCB
  • 16
    ichabodious OP Thanks, so true, we learn from bad managers, too.
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  • 17
    MaintenanceSad4288 I think you need to chill and let things settle. Leave her be and focus on your work and unless her behaviour starts to affect the work flow, just leave it be. That's my two cents.
    via u/MaintenanceSad4288
  • 18
    SleipnirRanch - 5 days ago Is this person usually or difficult to deal with, or has this been a complete 180? I would say that judging by her comment about your education and that you are now on the same level as her, that there is an ego problem.
    via u/SleipnirRanch
  • 19
    I had a bad situation last year where a female coworker who had worked for our company a year or so longer than me, but had significantly less experience than me, could not comprehend that me and her were basically equals, or that there were many things about our job that i knew better than her. I viewed her as an equal and with what i thought of as respect, and during a time where she was put in a temporary
    via u/SleipnirRanch
  • 20
    leadership role i told our manager that she had done a fantastic job and i told her that as well. I was paid back with snobbery and backstabbing because she would not see me as an equal since she was going to get her "journeyman papers", even though i had 20 years of manufacturing experience more than her. She ended up getting fired over it. I was also made to look stupid for speaking up for her and trying to defend her when her attitude nosedived.
    via u/SleipnirRanch
  • 21
    For me when this happened it was a complete 180. We went from being friends and making a good team for a year and a half, to her refusing to speak to me suddenly one day because i pointed out a way to fix a programming error (that neither of us had caused) to her refusing to work with me because she had
    via u/SleipnirRanch
  • 22
    done a job incorrectly and i left a note for her explaining why and how to fix it, to outright hostility and belligerence, all of this happened in the span of 2 months. I wasn't good enough to tell her anything.
    via u/SleipnirRanch
  • 23
    ichabodious OP · 5 days ago I'm so sorry you went through that with a colleague. It must have been especially hard feeling the 180 with someone who had been a friend. My manager has the same level of education that I do, but many more years of work experience.
    via u/ichabodious
  • 24
    She's basically been in the same job for decades. It's a 180 in the way she's interacted with me, but I think she's very unhappy in her personal life and was kind to me when I was useful to her at work. Now that I'm not, seems like her true colors are coming out. Hard to for unhappy people to be happy for others. Hope your work environment is better now that your toxic co-worker is gone!
    via u/ichabodious
  • 25
    • EmilySpin 5 days ago Will this be a promotion over her or to her same level? If the former, I wonder if she applied for the same role and didn't get it. Since you will continue to have to work with her, yes, this will need to be addressed. I would tell her that you appreciate that she needs time to process but that you need to
    via u/EmilySpin
  • 26
    discuss the transition by X date so that you have time to prepare anything needed to hand over to the new person who will fill your role. If she does not respond productively I would reach out to her manager to ask for a meeting and explain that you're concerned about the transition planning based on your manager's behavior-I
    via u/EmilySpin
  • 27
    wouldn't put this in an email for now since it could be forwarded back to her. I would also move ahead with creating any documentation or training manuals a new hire would need so that you can handle this as professionally as possible.
    via u/EmilySpin
  • 28
    ichabodious OP. 5 days ago Thank you for this good advice. My new role is more of a peer level, not a level above her. I doubt she applied for it but I guess it's possible. She may also be maladjusting to the idea of us as equal colleagues I suppose. I'll focus on what I need to do to help the new person transition well.
    via u/ichabodious

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promotion boss workplace-stories employee manager job tales-from-the-workplace reddit story overworked-employees workplace Reddit company funny
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