'I proposed [and] here's what I learned about B2B sales': Linkedin lunatic uses a marriage proposal as a business lesson online, cringe ensues

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
May 2, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Marriage proposals are usually deeply personal, cute, thoughtful, and ultimately a declaration of your love for your partner. Wouldn't any girl would be elated if their LinkedIn Lunatic boyfriend decided to turn this intimate, loving moment into a lesson on B2B sales profitability online?

Although it sounds like a total troll, this actually happened to a poor girl over the weekend when her businessman boyfriend, Bryan Shankman, proposed. She was probably thrilled at first with their adorable secret proposal–with the sunshine, the beach views, and the covert photographer set up to capture the big surprise–but the engagement ring was just the beginning of a hilariously cringe marriage proposal that one man decided would be the perfect business opportunity online. 

Check out the entire REAL post that occurred after this man proposed to the love of his life and the funny comments that ensued, highlighting the delusion of every corporate bonehead privy to a certain level of self-importance online. Keep scrolling to LOL at the Reddit reactions that had us in tears. 

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  • 01
    Bryan Shankman. 3rd+ Owner @ SuperSeller | Get meetings with qualified I... Book an appointment 1d. I proposed to my girlfriend this weekend. Here's what it taught me about B2B sales: + Follow
    via Bryan Shankman
  • 02
    Like a well-run sales cycle, key milestones must be met throughout the relationship to ensure a Closed Won status at the end. 1. Prospecting: Not every prospect or partner will be the right fit. Identifying the right fit takes time. You can't be afraid to say "No" to find the person you know will value your offer most. 2. Discovery: Doing deep discovery is critical. Getting happy ears after a positive first date is easy, but you must continue to dig to understand the long-term fit. Understanding
    via Bryan Shankman
  • 03
    3. Demo: If you're confident there is a strong fit, showing your product to potential buyers is essential. Don't simply speak to the features or functionality; explain the results the other person can expect. Ideally, include a trial so they can try the product and get a feel for it. 4. Pricing: After demoing and, ideally, getting their hands on the product, your prospect is ready to buy. This is where the crucial step of pricing comes in. Know your worth, and don't discount to close the sale. K
    via Bryan Shankman
  • 04
    5. Negotiations: There will be concessions. One party may want something the other party isn't willing to give up. Know what you care about most, and work hard to get it. For the things you care less about, be prepared to concede and give the other party what they want. 6. Handling Objections: Even after pricing and negotiations, there may be some resistance. Use this time to assure the other party that they're making the right decision and will love your product long-term.
    via Bryan Shankman
  • 05
    7. Closing: If you've done your work in the earlier stages of the relationship, when it comes time to close the deal, you'll have nothing to worry about. Send the Docusign, touch your knee, and get ready to move the deal to Closed Won. Reminder: After the deal is closed, there is a lot of work to do. The journey continues with planning and constant communications to ensure ongoing satisfaction. Follow for more tips. #sales #b2bsales #salestips #closingdeals #salesprocess
    via Bryan Shankman
  • 06

    It's hard to tell if any of the comments on Linkedin are satirical? Because strangely they're equally as deluded as the original post.

    Corporate Sween 2,956 followers 22h... You're lucky that you're the owner. If you were on my team I would fire you for the following reasons: 1) No one on my team is allowed to get married. This helps decrease the chances of people taking maternity or paternity leave. 2) You clearly took a vacation to execute this proposal which shows your head is not in the right place. No one on my team takes days off. 3) You're based in Santa Monica. I don't allow west coast based workers on my team as Califo
    via Corporate Sween
  • 07
    Terry Cordeiro • 3rd+ Head of Claims Digital 23h⚫ ... Am sure your soon to be wife is super pleased that you treated her like a sales prospect. Good luck. Like C257 Reply 5 Replies Load previous replies Bryan Shankman Author Owner @ SuperSeller | Get meetings with qualified leads. 23h.. We will discuss this during our QBR at the end of Q2. Like CEO 15 Reply
    via Terry Cordeiro
  • 08
    Tanya Smallwood (She/Her) • 3rd+ Revenue Enablement | Helping Teams Perform At Their Best I'm gonna need to see the onboarding and expansion plans, next. Congrats B. Like GCO 8 Reply 1 Reply Bryan Shankman Author Owner @ SuperSeller | Get meetings with qualified leads. 22h. ... 21h... Thanks Tanya! Like 1 Reply
    via Tanya Smallwood

  • Within 24 hours the infamous LinkedIn post made its way to Reddit, where it got torn to shreds by folks who aren't as brainwashed by corporate lingo. Hilariously, the cringe-fest continues because most people would never associate their beloved marriage with a B2B sales relationship. At least… Not a regular person. 

  • 09
    appenz 23 hr. ago Epic. Had to check on LinkedIn that this was real and not a joke. 6. Handling Objections: Even after pricing and negotiations, there may be some resistance. Use this time to assure the other party that they're making the right decision and will love your product long-term. Really?
    via appenz
  • 10
    automaton11.22 hr. ago Hey babe, after the ceremony you wanna consummate my product? 911 Reply Share ... Buttercup59129 - 19 hr. ago What's wrong babe? You've hardly touched my product
    via automaton11
  • 11
    Due_Mission_5703 17 hr. ago Hey babe. Just circling back. Let me know when we can get some one-on- one time mañana. Cheers, Hubs
    via Due_Mission_5703
  • 12
    Naive-Benefit-5154 23 hr. ago Comparing your future wife to a customer? I don't think that will go well. 343 Reply Share Icy_Communication262 19 hr. ago I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if she had a similar post on her LinkedIn. "I said yes to my boyfriends proposal, here's what it taught me about closing deals:"
    via Naive-Benefit-5154
  • 13
    jimmerific 23 hr. ago Divorced in two years 567 Reply Share BeefSupreme1981 · 23 hr. ago Two minutes after she realizes the happiest moment in her life was used as a prop for her loser LinkedIn post. fiancé's
    via jimmerific
  • 14
    gazhole 21 hr. ago My wife served me divorce papers today. Here's what it taught me about B2B sales:
    via gazhole
  • 15
    WhydIJoinRedditAgain 22 hr. ago Sequels to include: I just had my bachelor party. Here's what it taught me about NDAS. I just got married. Here's what I learned about dealing with the objections of third parties in a B2B transaction. I just got back from my honeymoon. Here's what I learned about screening your own products for defects.
    via WhydIJoinRedditAgain
  • 16
    Gergastengas 22 hr. ago I heard their wedding is going to be a webinar format 230 Reply Share ... Educational_Moose_56 21 hr. ago "We didn't write vows, we're just going to touch base on our future together."
    via Gergastengas
  • 17
    cortesoft 17 hr. ago Let's circle back to kids at a later date. △ 12 12 Reply Share Frosty090 15 hr. ago "That's on the roadmap, we're not sure when though."
    via cortesoft
  • 18
    Gergastengas 21 hr. ago Officiant: Do you take this woman to be your wife? Guy: .... Officiant: I think you're on mute
    via Gergastengas
  • 19
    JGG5 21 hr. ago Officiant: "Hey, I'm seeing a message in the chat: 'Are you going to send out the slides from this wedding after it's done?' Yes, we've got you all on our email list and will make sure you get them... let us know if there's anyone else you'd like us to add."
    via JGG5
  • 20
    ooneekoosername 21 hr. ago One of the comments on LinkedIn says 'super cringe but congrats on your engagement' love that guy 104 Reply Share cashassorgra33 · 16 hr. ago Its all about engagement. Fax
    via ooneekoosername
  • 21
    climbing_headstones 22 hr. ago This is the worst one I've seen since a lady I apparently follow posted a pic of herself in a wedding dress saying she was "renewing her vows with LinkedIn"
    via climbing_headstones
  • 22
    fcksnstvty 22 hr. ago This is one of those B2B "growth experts", lead generators or similar scum. Most useless and annoying species on the platform. Reply Share Ok-Promise-5921 20 hr. ago I think there was maybe a typo there and you actually meant to say 'on the planet'...
    via fcksnstvty
  • 23
    Impressive-Sun3742 22 hr. ago I I my pants this weekend. Here's what it taught me about sales. 1.2k Reply Share ... Count-Spatula2023 - 22 hr. ago 1. Sometimes, you need to keep your poker face and stand your ground.
    via Impressive-Sun3742

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insane crazy linkedin lesson cringey opportunity linkedin lunatics marriage bad marriage proposal cringe proposal ceo linkedin wedding linkedin post love Reddit business funny b2b sales
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