'What happened to your loyalty?': Penniless divorcee demands successful brother finance his lifestyle and pay down his debt

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
May 28, 2024 7:00 AM EDT

Yes, your family should come first, but maintaining healthy boundaries is just as important as maintaining a strong family connection. Having stated that what would you do if your brother came to you for assistance but, in truth, refused to take any necessary action to support himself? Would you remain firm in demanding that your sibling learn how to fend for himself, or would you surrender in silence under the pretense of family loyalty?

The brother who is frustrated is described in the story below. The original poster (OP) describes how his brother got in touch with him and asked for money. As background, the brother of OP was married to a dentist who was enlisted in the military. Because of her job, they were never stationed in one location for very long. Instead, they traveled regularly. As such, the wife earned the majority of the family's income, with the husband handling household chores.

Things significantly worsened for the pair when the wife discovered her husband had been having an affair outside of their marriage. The brother's wife immediately filed for divorce, leaving him penniless. This brings us to the brother's current situation and his need for funds. So, be sure to read the story below if you're interested in learning if OP agreed to help his brother! Additionally, after you're done, don't forget to read the story of the English teacher who loses her mother's whole inheritance because her lawyer is a former student who uses the case as a way to settle scores!

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  • 01
    VE NO 8762728 "I said no..."
    via canva
  • 02
    I'm tired of how entitled my brother is. He's mad that I won't financially support him or live together with him. It's not my responsibility.
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 03
    My [35M] brother [34M] is going to be divorced soon and he needs to find a new place to live. He says that since I'm also looking for a new place to live, we should find a place together. I don't want to and now he's mad and won't let it go. He met his wife in 2012, and they got married in 2015. His wife is a dentist. She is in the military. They got married after she graduated dental school and completed her basic and other military training. Ever since they got married they have
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 04
    only lived on military bases, either here or overseas. She is currently stationed here, domestically. Once the divorce becomes final my brother won't be able to live on the base. I think he said he has 30 days to leave the base once he's divorced. I'm looking for a new place to live too. I qualified for Public Service Loan Forgiveness. I have been a public defender since I graduated from law school. My student loans were my only debt. Now that my
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 05
    loans were forgiven and I don't have to worry about monthly loan payments every month, not only can I afford to start saving for a down payment, I can afford to find a place to live alone. I've lived with roommates since I went to college 17 years ago. Since my current lease ending coincides with my brother having to leave the base he wants to move to my state so we can live together. Not for us to split bills and expenses, he wants me to help him
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 06
    financially for an undetermined period of time. My brother has a B.A. in anthropology, and job experience working at Subway while he was in college and as a retail manager for three years from after he graduated until he got married. He doesn't have any recent work experience because he told me it was difficult to find a job having to always move for his wife's military assignments. I've offered to look his resume over but he says living together and me helping him would help more.
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 07
    Since they always lived on base the only assets that were divided were two vehicles and a bank account. My brother won't get any support payments because he had an affair [both their home state where she enlisted/they got married, and the state they are stationed in forbid support payments to a spouse who had an affair]. The division of the assests was also less than an equal split because of it. Almost all the money my brother did get went towards his own legal costs.
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 08
    I had a former classmate who works in family law recommend an attorney for my brother. I gave him a bit of money to help with the costs. I said I would look over his resume and assist him with job searching. But I don't want to live with him or financially support him. I don't think it's my responsibility and I don't think it's wrong that I want to live alone, or don't want to delay starting to save for a down payment. I couldn't do either of those things if I took in my brother or financially
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 09
    supported him. The state I live in also has a higher cost of living compared to both the state he lives in now or his home state where he met her and got married. I think my brother would have an easier time there. I just feel like he's acting entitled because he's an adult who has no physical or mental conditions that mean he can't work. Our parents are both de ed and our only other relatives are our aunt
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 10
    and our cousin and they both told him the same thing as me. I don't see why this is my responsibility and I think what I've done/offered him is already above and beyond what I had to do. I just needed to vent since he's directing his anger at me and being childish.
    via u/Ok_Lobster5613
  • 11
    Shammy0722 At least you aren't putting yourself on the back burner for somebody else. Good job!
    via u/Shammy0722
  • 12
    DaniMW Right on! I'm very glad you have your eyes wide open to reality here, OP. You already know it's a terrible idea. I'm sorry you feel so much pressure from him. I believe the part where getting a steady job was difficult due to being relocated for his ex wife's job so much, but the rest is on him.
    via u/DaniMW
  • 13
    He made the decision to cheat and royally s w himself into the ground, so he can live with the consequences. He must have had a job before he got married (sounds like he was about 25 at the time), so he must have skills from before the marriage. He can go be a bartender or a cashier or something and live with other roommates like you had to for years!
    via u/DaniMW
  • 14
    Congrats on getting your loans pardoned! I'm happy you can now find a place and save up for the things you want in life.
    via u/DaniMW
  • 15
    Avebury1 of a Oh good Lord! No, no, no! You are so in the right to refuse to take him in and support him. You would have a h time getting rid of him again if you took him in. Your brother is not the brightest bulb in the tulip patch is he? He only has himself to blame for the pickle he is now in.
    via u/Avebury1
  • 16
    SuperLoris Don't even let him come to "visit you" for a week, and if any mail arrives for him at your eventual apartment mark it return to sender - not at this address.
    via u/SuperLoris
  • 17
    Cooky228 I don't think you feel guilty, but I'll say this anyway. You shouldn't feel guilty for not being guilt-tripped into helping someone that obviously has no sense of responsibility. You've done your growing up, and now it's his turn to grow up. Go forth and do your own thing! You've earned it.
    via u/Cooky228
  • 18
    Much-Recording9444 You're brother sounds like a professional moocher. First the ex wife, now you. He's gotta figure his own s t out, he's a grown man with the entitlement of a grade school child.
    via u/Much-Recording9444
  • 19
    You're smart enough to know he's g ting you and to know to steer clear. Maybe you'll need to go low contact or no contact until he figures out his life.
    via u/Much-Recording9444
  • 20
    gothiclg I was in a tough financial situation and rented myself a less than stellar room. He can manage.
    via u/gothiclg
  • 21
    RegularCompany7287 He has had a free ride for long enough, time to grow up and support himself.
    via u/RegularCompany7287
  • 22
    pecileci Tell him to live with his mistress and mouch off her
    via u/pecileci
  • 23
    -. vindicated_cat He hasn't specified what he would do with his time if you did agree to support him. He has no plans other than to be a 1. Let him be mad!
    via u/vindicated_cat
  • 24
    bugabooandtwo Stand your ground. You know he'll never leave once he gets in, and mooch forever.
    via u/bugabooandtwo
  • 25
    WeepingWillow0724 He needs to move in with his side piece since he can't keep it in his pants Imfao
    via u/WeepingWillow0724

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