I thought I knew how to be a good dog owner - my first pup proved me wrong (and taught me everything)

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My partner and I adopted our first dog, Raja, about two years ago. She was a rescue, 10 weeks old, quite literally the cutest puppy I had ever seen. She had these big, sad eyes and expressive eyebrows that I couldn't resist. We didn't know anything about her history, only that she was found at a gas station, all alone, a week ago.

Raja, despite all of the love and training I did with her, ended up growing up to be a reactive dog. I don't know if it's her genetics or if I am partly to blame for her fear of dogs, but either way, dealing with a reactive dog is always a challenge. You have to not only identify their triggers, but also learn how to avoid them, and how to handle them when they go past their threshold. 

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One of the things I most regret is not desensitizing her enough as a puppy. She was always a shy, introverted dog, and perhaps I tried to love her too much on my terms instead of her own. I knew she was afraid of loud noises, so I shielded her from them instead of exposing her to them so she wouldn't be so scared of them now, as an adult. She didn't love being held, so I gave her space. Perhaps if I had held her more, she would have become more cuddly. Or maybe it would have made her more fearful of people. Who knows, honestly.
 

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Another thing that I regret is not taking the time to listen to what she was trying to tell me. I thought every dog had a similar “happy-go-lucky” attitude. Well, that was a slap in the face. My dog ended up being fearful and cautious, and I can't help but wonder if I hadn't forced her into things because I thought she “should” like, that she would have grown up to be more trusting. Now, I've learned to listen to what she has to say and learn when to follow her instincts, and when to be the parent and do things for her own good.

All that being said, I wouldn't trade her for the world. She is the sweetest dog I've ever had. She puts her ears back because she smiles so big when I come home from work. She buries her face in my chest and tries to curl up inside me when she wants to tell me she loves me. The joy I get from watching her figure out how to solve puzzles is the closest thing I can akin to the pride of a parent. I love the way she plays with the tennis ball like a cat instead of bringing it back to me during our games of “fetch” (although, I really should call it “hunting” at this point because maybe 1 in every 10 times she actually brings the ball back). I love the way she nuzzles her close nose against my face when she wants to wake me up. All of these moments make all the mistakes I may have made feel inconsequential. 

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To be human is to err, and looking back at my early parenting of Raja makes me feel especially human. I allowed my ego to parent her instead of my heart. But I also experienced the joy of being wrong. Yes, you read that correctly. There is a certain happiness, if you allow yourself to feel it, in correcting something that was wrong. To feel your own evolution and development, your betterment as a person. Every lesson I learned from Raja will make me an even better pawrent to my next dog. She had the patience to be with me through every mistake and still love me in the process. Her future siblings will have a version of me that she helped shape, and I think she knows that, too. Our journey has been difficult, but also transformative… for both of us. 

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It's impossible to live your life without regrets, but all we can do is keep moving forward and make the commitment to ourselves and those around us that we will be better next time. To all my future pets, please know that I will do my best, and I promise that I will listen to all the lessons you have to teach me. Whether it's how to make you feel safe while walking in the dark, or to cuddle you until you fall asleep. You can thank Raja for that.