'You're abandoning your family': Hospital Worker Refuses to Help Sister with Kids after Being Told She Was Wasting Money by Putting Foster Daughter in Private School

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Jun 7, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

Nobody can quite push your buttons like your siblings (or parents, for that matter). They know you for too long, and they understand on a very deep level what will annoy you, and what won't matter to you at all. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

One kindhearted hospital worker shared that she was fostering a little girl she had treated after she'd arrived with all sorts of injuries. After the little girl recovered, the worker took her in, hoping to adopt her. She cooked for her, got her toys, played with her, and they ended up really connecting. She did her best at raising her, and even enrolled her into a private school that best suited her needs. Things were going really well, but of course, family drama got in the way of their happily ever after.

Next up, an adorable 4-year-old's obsession with angler fish went viral after her mom took to Reddit, asking what she could do to make her birthday the best one yet.

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  • 01
    "You won't get to keep her, why waste your money?"
    via Canva
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to help my sister with her kids after she said I was wasting money by putting my foster daughter in private school?
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 03
    I have been fostering Maya (8) for about 7 months now. I work at a children's hospital and Maya came in around 10 months ago with some pretty h injuries. She was in the hospital for 2.5 months and had 3 surgeries and a lot of PT and OT. She didn't have any family so I took care of her while she was there. I got her some clothes and toys, learned how to do
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 04
    her hair, watched frozen 50 times, stayed the night before/after surgeries or when she had a rough day, I cooked for her, introduced her to fruits and vegetables. I ended up falling in love with this little girl and had to keep her. I was able to get licensed pretty quickly because of my job so when she came home from the hospital, she went straight to me.
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 05
    The public school sent a teacher to the hospital then the house for a while, then when she was able to go to school she was put in the special ed class in a public school with a plan to eventually get her in mainstream classes.
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 06
    There weren't exactly any problems with the public school or her class, it just wasn't a good fit. She wasn't making friends, wasn't making any improvements with their speech therapist, wasn't learning much even though her teachers tried and her school got her 5 hours/week of tutoring, and she'd hold my hand and take a nap the second we got home (she's not much of a napper).
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 07
    I decided to look at private schools and found a Montessori inspired school around 45 minutes from my house. We took a tour, she did the assessment, and she got in. She started in March and she's doing great. She's speaking more and more clearly, she's learning so much, and she even has 2 friends.
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 08
    The school is expensive though. After my financial aid I'm paying $1200/month for her tuition and when she starts going to aftercare it'll be another $450/month. I was talking to my sister about Maya and this school and how she and her husband might want to consider it for their older daughter (2, the preschool starts at 3) and she asked why I'm sending a kid I might not get to keep to private school and that it would be a waste of money if she goes to a family member.
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 09
    I told her not to worry about me "wasting" my money on Maya and that I'm happy to pay if it's helping her. She kept pushing and I told her that if this is how she feels about my kid I will have to distance myself from her and will not be helping with her kids anymore. Now she's calling me sensitive and claims that I'm abandoning my family. AITA?
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 10
    bravernaker 14 hr. ago edited 14 hr. ago NTA at all. Your sister is, though. I have a foster kid and my partner and I routinely go above and beyond for this kid because he DESERVES it, just like little Maya deserves the standard of care you are providing.
    via u/bravernaker
  • 11
    Your sister's mentality about relationships in foster situations is highly problematic, and she really should take a closer look at why she feels that way. And so what if Maya ends up getting placed with blood family? Your impact on her is irreplaceable and this will be one of those things she can look back on and say wow I was really well loved by my foster parent. So much so that they were willing to do all this for me. I must be worth loving. You see how formative that is, your sister doesn't
    via u/bravernaker
  • 12
    Excellent-Count4009 14 hr. ago Craptain [150] ΝΤΑ You need the distance, imagine how they treat your foster daughter when they are alone with her. 310 Reply Share aitarefusehelp OP. 14 hr. ago They aren't alone with her. 225 Reply Share ...
    via u/aitarefusehelp, u/Excellent-Count4009
  • 13
    Confused At63 - 14 hr. ago Able Aficionado [19] NTA, But your sister is a cold person to think that you are wasting your money helping a disadvantaged kid get the help she needs. I don't think you are wrong. She is dissing your parenting, your good heart, your generous wallet and is discriminating against a child who is not responsible for the situation. Sister or not, she doesn't deserve any more of your help. 144 Reply Share ...
    via u/ConfusedAt63
  • 14
    I_am_wood_dog. 14 hr. ago Pa pant [2] ΝΤΑ You deleted this, but I hope you see my post. Humanity needs more people like you! Thank you for taking care of her! I hope she stays with you forever!
    via u/I_am_wood_dog
  • 15
    I_wanna_be_anemone 12 hr. ago Par ant [1] NTA giving Maya a foundation to build upon going forward is an incredible gift. At her new school she's learning more than just the syllabus, she's learning how to build confidence, make friends, learning how to make good choices and most importantly, she's feeling secure enough to push her
    via u/I_wanna_be_anemone
  • 16
    boundaries. Even if Maya left in weeks, months, years, I hope those lessons will stay with her as a beacon among all the s. t that happened in her early life. Above all else, she has an adult who genuinely loves her without expecting anything in return, that type of kindness will stay with her the rest of her life. That is not a waste. 50 Reply Share ...
    via u/I_wanna_be_anemone
  • 17
    aitarefusehelp OP. 11 hr. ago One of my favorite parts of the school is that there's no dress code other than weather appropriate and privates covered. If Maya wants to wear her favorite pajamas or a princess dress to school (which she has done many times) nobody stops her.
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 18
    DMV_Lolli . 10 hr. ago Montessori is amazing, especially for kids who learn differently. My son went to a Montessori school and I couldn't be happier with the results. He was the type of child that hyper focused on what he wanted to learn and then got instantly bored once he mastered it. The program and the specially trained teachers poured into that instead of stifling it but had the skills to make sure he learned everything he needed to learn. I'm so glad you have Maya in Montessori and she wi
    via u/DMV_Lolli
  • 19
    aitarefusehelp OP. 9 hr. ago It's not fully Montessori but it has some Montessori traits. The kids have work that they have to do every day but they get to choose if they want to work independently or with kids that have the same work as them or if they want to do reading before math. The classes are also mixed age and based on ability, which I was unsure of at first but Maya's doing well. 36 Reply Share ...
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 20
    DMV_Lolli 8 hr. ago Yup that's pretty much how my son's school worked. Each class had 3 grade levels starting at pre-K3 - K then 1st-3rd, etc. Independent learning was key. It's just a good overall way to teach children where they're at. 10 Reply Share aitarefusehelp OP. 7 hr. ago She's in a K-2 class right now. They have something like 4 classes available per grade so everyone is in a class that meets their abilities.
    via u/aitarefusehelp, u/DMV_Lolli
  • 21
    Lhasa ApsoSmile . 13 hr. ago Autote Aficionado [19] NTA. Geez - your sister is cruel. How about a young girl from a horrific situation gets to be in a school where she can grow and learn? It could be that 2 or 3 years in the Montessori school will get her ready for public school. Yes - distance yourself from your sister who thinks that girl is less than. 24 Reply Share
    via u/LhasaApsoSmile
  • 22
    aitarefusehelp OP. 11 hr. ago I don't know if I'll want to put her in public school. Her school has very small class sizes (12 kids for elementary and 18 for high school), an aide in each elementary class to ensure more one on one help, a cooking lab, lego engineering lab, science lab, art classes, music, and a lot of field trips. 31 Reply Share ...
    via u/aitarefusehelp
  • 23
    Adventurous-Ad8009 13 hr. ago I am sorry that this has been hard for you. I think having a true heart to heart with your sister might be helpful. It sucks you have to explain to your sister why, but sometimes we just need to help people along on their un/learning journey. I wouldn't do this for everyone. But I have two sisters, whom I love but don't always agree on every issue
    via u/Adventurous-Ad8009
  • 24
    with. We usually have to resolve things through a lot of conversations. If your sister is worth having in your life and maya is important to you, you may consider having these important conversations in hopes to reach common ground. You're doing a great job with maya! NTA
    via u/Adventurous-Ad8009
  • 25
    Firm-Molasses-4913 13 hr. ago Partinant [2] I wouldn't continue to debate this with sister. It's your money and your choice. I wouldn't remove myself from family activities or things to do with your niece/nephew. They didn't do anything wrong. When people cut each other off and there's no communication how does anything get resolved or improve? How do people learn and grow? How does family reshape their ideas of what is family and what has value?
    via u/Firm-Molasses-4913

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tuition school adoption employee cooking students kids nurse hospital siblings doctor foster kids private school parenting family studies money
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