'Please adopt her': Mom Reaches Out to Daughter After a Decade Begging Her to Adopt Her Younger Sister, Backtracks Following the Realization She Married into Money

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  • 01
    AITA for never telling my Mother I married into money?
  • 02
    I (34F) have a difficult relationship with my Mother, she had me when she was 17 and was addicted to various leave me with whoever would watch me for days on end and i'd end up mostly raising myself. I left home at 16 and couch surfed with various friends until I was able to get my own place. At 25 I met my now Husband and we got married three years later. 5 when I was growing up. She'd
  • 03
    His family is the polar opposite of mine and are incredible, so loving and warm, I honestly consider his parents mine and call them Mum and Dad. They also happen to be quite well off but that isn't something I care about, I mention it because it matters to the story.
  • 04
    Last year my Mother reached out to me after a decade of not speaking to her wanting to reconnect and introduce me to my little sister who was 2 years old, I was confused as I hadn't even known she'd been pregnant, but it seems she'd been a change of life baby. I thought maybe she'd turned over a new leaf and if not I wanted to make sure the kid was ok. At first it seemed like things had changed and she was trying, this illusion lasted for the first few visits over six months then she broke down,
  • 05
    couldn't do this, and asked me to take my sister. My husband and I had a long talk about it, we'd been struggling with fertility and had been considering adoption anyway. We told her if we were doing this we were doing it right, and we had his families lawyer ensure it was a legal adoption and airtight which took several months, My in-laws adore her and consider her their Granddaughter. They've even set up a trust-fund for her.
  • 06
    We have allowed My Mother one supervised visit per month so she's not totally cut off from my sister but it was during these visits things went badly as she saw how she was dressed and the toys she had, and realised they were expensive. She began to rip into us for hiding the fact we have money and how if we'd just given her money she'd have not given us my sister as she could have taken care of her better.
  • 07
    I told her while we have some money its mostly my husbands parents money not ours so she had no right to know about it, also that I wouldn't have given her money anyway as I didn't trust her. She broke down calling me a selfish b h who'd never considered how hard things were for her.
  • 08
    I now feel some guilt, my Husband has told me if I want to make me feel better he'll give her money but that seems like a bad idea as she'd likely use it badly or blow through it then expect more. Despite this though I do feel bad, maybe I should have tried to help her more now my luck is better, or maybe I should have been honest with her. AITA for keeping this from her?
  • 09
    Dependent-Aside-9750. NTA. If hubby wants to pay for something, it can be a treatment program for Mom to get the help she needs, but youare mist definitely NOT the a ole. Mom is trying to manipulate. 12.8k Reply Share
  • 10
    Far-Librarian-4999 OP. I tried many times to try to get her to get clean over the years before I cut off contact, she had no interest and I don't think that has changed at all if I thought that she'd even consider it i'd be having him do that if he truly wants to spend money on her. 4.8k Reply Share ...
  • 11
    Dependent-Aside-9750. Yeah I'm not surprised. It will shut down her whining pretty quickly, though, if that's all you're willing to pay for. 1.8k Reply Share ...
  • 12
    PKripper73. Don't give her a Penny, she'll come back for more, and you know she will deep down. 3.6k Reply Share ...
  • 13
    Far-Librarian-4999 OP. Yeah I do, I want to help her despite how she was with me growing up but I know that's not the right way to go about it, just this has brought up a lot of old feelings I thought long gone and guilt. 1.4k Reply Share ...
  • 14
    mrmayhem8100. Your mom doesn't want the money so she can take care of your sister. She just realized she lost her chance at a free meal ticket before she gave her up for adoption 1.1k Reply Share ...
  • 15
    Ok_Remote_1036 NTA. Doing the math - your mom had a second baby at age 49, and she's now 53. She's more than old enough to have figured out how to support herself. Let her continue to take care of herself, and focus on your daughter.
  • 16
    If you do feel worried about your mom's future you could set aside money in an account (don't tell her you're doing this) for when she's elderly and may be unable to support herself any longer. That would be the time to consider helping her.
  • 17
    ckm22055. I think there is a bigger elephant in the room besides mom and money. Since she is mad now and using the I could have raised her if you had given me money, this is what she will tell your daughter when you allow her to visit.
  • 18
    She will be spiteful and say snide remarks about you and how you stole her from her "real" mommie. Just from what you have said, this seems like exactly what she'll do. So, you may want to cut off her visitation with your daughter.
  • 19
    Her regret is not that she could've raised her if you gave her money. Her regret is that she didn't get money before you adopted your baby. That what ac cts do bc it's always about money to them. Nothing is more valuable than their next hit. Your daughter was in the way of that, and before she knew about the money, your daughter took money that your mom could be using for dr gs.
  • 20
    Your mom should never be around your daughter until she sober for 1 year, simultaneously doing therapy and then meeting with you and only you during that year so you can judge for yourself if she is healthy enough to be around your daughter. None of this is about money. It's about the best interest of your daughter.

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