'Bought a head of lettuce and ate it... over the sink': 25+ Single people admit the most uncool meals they've ever concocted

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jun 12, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

For single folks, "meal" is such a strong word. Making a "meal" requires time, effort, and possibly a stovetop. When you have a partner, you tend to want to make them beautiful meals with garnishes, or hearty meals that take hours to make (since it's a labor of love). When you're a single dude, though, all bets are off.

Any food is a meal if you believe in yourself. Lately, when I don't feel like cooking for my single self, I make "charcuterie dinner." It includes strawberries, pineapple, a tiny cheese wheel, some chips, and a pickle slice, among other items I can find in my pantry. There's no cooking involved at all. I arrange it in a pretty way on a plate, and voila: a meal of sorts, and I'm only a little embarrassed if my roommate witnesses it. I've gotten so lazy as to buy pre-cooked rice from the store, where it can go from freezer to microwave to plate in under five minutes. Does it taste like eating a plastic bag? Yes. Yes, it sure does. But is it a foodstuff that will propel me through writing this article for all our lovely readers? Yes, I would hope so. 

Other singletons take it way further than I. They're pushing the boundaries: like, what is a plate, anyway? If you don't want to wash dishes, and you put all of your food on a tortilla so that you never have to wash a plate, is that acceptable? There are many other genius life hacks (or "single guy" meals to be specific) included below.

After you check out these funny meal stories, read about the funny food delivery instructions that had nothing to do with food, like one person who instructed, "Send a Virgo." 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10359822336
    via Tamas Pap on Unsplash
  • 02
    Single men of reddit, what's the most "single guy" meal you have ever made?
    via u/WeathermanDan
  • 03
    yrulaughing Bought a head of lettuce and ate it like an apple over the sink while occasionally dribbling salad dressing over it where I planned on biting.
    via u/yrulaughing
  • 04
    brickwall5 I had ice cream for dinner on friday because I'm not drinking this month and still wanted that crazy friday feeling of letting loose.
    via u/brickwall5
  • 05
    BSGTalic Stouffers Family Meal. Family of me.
    via u/BSGTalic
  • 06
    OffBeatAssassin I've thrown the bottom of the bag tortilla chips in to the jar of salsa and ate it with a spoon.
    via u/OffBeatAssassin
  • 07
    Unoriginal Use Not single anymore, but once my also single roommate and I woke up severely hung over, shops. closed, and decided to make onion soup with just onion boiled in water.
    via u/Unoriginal Use
  • 08
    mehecan With nothing in the fridge I have resorted to eating the entirety of a parmesan cheese container. Popped the top off and went at it with a spoon like the shameless sack of man I am.
    via u/mehecan
  • 09
    onefortysevenone Former single man. I pretty much lived on one pot dinners. Cook in it and eat from it. Sometimes when I was feeling fancy I would use a plate but I would lay a tortilla on the plate before putting food on it, saved me washing the plate.
    via u/onefortysevenone
  • 10
    Pu... When I moved into my own place my dad bought me a pretty fancy deep fryer. I would toss a couple of corn dogs, 3 or 4 chicken strips and a handful of onion rings in it and let them all deep fry for about 10 minutes. That was my dinner. Not as "oh, look at the silly man eating from a can" as some of the
    via u/PunchBeard
  • 11
    other answers here but to me nothing screams "single man" quite like an entire meal of frozen food deep fried.
    via u/PunchBeard
  • 12
    grisioco Eating uncooked ramen in bed
    via u/grisioco
  • 13
    GrizzBIA Grilled Cheese Sandwiches... made with an iron.
    via u/GrizzBIA
  • 14
    ti... My brother and I once opened like eight cans of Chef Boyardee pasta of various varieties, dumped them all into a pot and stirred it all together. It was amazing. Full disclosure: I was single at the time.
    via u/timdub
  • 15
    [deleted] pizza and I ate it over the sink like a rat
    via u/[deleted]
  • 16
    CelestialMollusc A can of chilli, cooked not by decanting it into a pan and warming it on the hob, or by pouring it into a bowl and microwaving it...but by taking the lid off the can and putting it directly onto one of the oven's rings. Then eating it directly out of the red-hot can with a spoon, whilst wearing oven- gloves.
    via u/CelestialMollusc
  • 17
    [deleted] Canned Chili in between pieces of sliced bread. I called it a taco.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 18
    IntoTheBathysphere I made heated up some microwavable breaded chicken patties and put pasta sauce and shredded cheddar cheese on them. Boom, chicken parmesan for breakfast.
    via u/IntoTheBathysphere
  • 19
    derpado514 I ate a box of oreos for breakfast on a sunday once Last night i ate half a log cake Eating tuna out the can
    via u/derpado514
  • 20
    Neefew Two slices of white bread. Went into kitchen, pulled out loaf of bread, pulled out two slices. Ate two slices of plain white bread
    via u/Neefew
  • 21
    equalsnil heat up ramen drain the ramen empty the flavor packet over it, stir it up melt cheese over the whole mess eat
    via u/equalsnil
  • 22
    jmo_joker Arrives at restaurant: Host: "How many?" Me: "Just me, one please" Host: "You'll have to wait 15 minutes"
    via u/jmo_joker
  • 23
    Me: "Can't I just go sit at the bar like always?" Host: "I'm going to have to see some ID" Me: shows ID, gets a nod and walks to the bar to have some wings.
    via u/jmo_joker
  • 24
    illQualmOnYourFace Not single anymore, but when I was I frequently made meals of Nature Valley bars dipped straight into the peanut butter jar.
    via u/illQualmOnYourFace
  • 25
    glenjemin9 I would take mini bagels, my mom's left over sauce, & mozzarella cheese, throw that in the toaster oven and boom! Homemade pizza bagels for either breakfast or lunch. Cause when pizza's on a bagel, you can have pizza any time.
    via u/glenjemin9
  • 26
    zoanthropist Soggy microwave chicken nuggets, a whole bag of goldfish, a Klondike bar, and Bud Light, eaten in bed while surfing Reddit. I'm an 18yr old female but never felt more like a dudebro than that
    via u/zoanthropist
  • 27
    TheGarp chili mac. Make box of mac and cheese, add can of chili. Quadruple recipe if doing a week's meal planning.
    via u/TheGarp
  • 28
    hobbes_shot_first I diced a hot dog, fried it with some onions, and put it into a tortilla with cheese, lettuce, and salsa to make hot dog tacos.
    via u/hobbes_shot_first
  • 29
    Maxitheseus Lays for Breakfast. But seriously, my brother and I didnt know to cook our first year in Uni so we used to eat some weird like eggs in lentils or pasta in lipton ginger tea.
    via u/Maxitheseus
  • 30
    Based SliceOfWin... single and broke, I once had saltine crackers and freezer pops for dinner.
    via u/Based SliceOfWinning
  • 31
    HUU4ABO One day all I had to eat in my apartment was this giant jar of crunchy peanut butter that had a label indicating it was a part of some sort of UN humanitarian program for African nations. I got it from my grandmother who received it as part of a help
    via u/HUU4ABO
  • 32
    package for elderly pensioners. It was extremely dry and tasted like cardboard. Lived two days on it, until my pay day.
    via u/HUU4ABO
  • 33
    abe_the_babe_ Rice-a-roni eaten directly out of the pot I used to cook it, no sense in having another bowl to clean.
    via u/abe_the_babe_
  • 34
    Another Worthless... This is my go to: heat canned black beans and frozen chopped broccoli in a frying pan. Once they're hot, add leftover rice if you have it. Dump contents of frying. pan onto tortilla. Coat in either cholula or sriracha before rolling into a burrito. Consume and tell yourself this counts as "eating healthy."
    via u/AnotherWorthlessBA
  • 35
    doggrimoire Cereal for dinner.
    via u/doggrimoire
  • 36
    TRex_N_Truex I moved into a studio apartment years ago in another state. All of my stuff was at my parents house and wouldn't get to me for another week or so. The only thing I had on me was some clothes and an air mattress and some blankets until everything else arrives.
    via u/TRex_N_Truex
  • 37
    My first night in the apartment, I bought a cookie sheet and made pigs in a blanket because all I had was an oven. Then I sat in the corner of the apartment on top of the blankets and ate my food. I think I made that meal 3 more times that week.
    via u/TRex_N_Truex
  • 38
    Ztrikr Cold tap water, 7 pieces of popcorn chicken, a handful of Tostitos, and a Pop Tart. A typical lunch for me.
    via u/Ztrikr
  • 39
    Bike_shop_owner Corndogs are my breakfast. I coat them in saracha mayo.
    via u/Bike_shop_owner
  • 40
    kruton93 As we speak I'm eating Jack Link's Beef jerky and Redbull
    via u/kruton93
  • 41
    leclair63 I filleted a hotdog into thin slices to make a bologna and cheese sandwich
    via u/leclair63
  • 42
    kiwis4feminism I had ground beef and taco seasoning but no taco shells. so basically I ate a bowl of ground taco meat with a spoon. Not bad.......
    via u/kiwis4feminism
  • 43
    psxpetey 2lbs of Shepard's pie. Store bought. Started eating it and just...didn't stop.
    via u/psxpetey
  • 44
    MarshalTim 1.5k on this post, so no one will hear about the glory of Slop. A rice cooker full of rice. Two cans of cream of mushroom soup. A can of creamed corn, and a few tins of canned chicken. And stir.
    via u/MarshalTim
  • 45
    If freezes in Tupperware great, get small ish ones and you can get about ten portions. Comes out to about 60¢ per serving. Two problems though. The texture was terrible. Warm tapioca, more or less, with the occasional chunk of chicken. And the sound. It made the lunch lady cartoonish SHPLOORT as it hit the plate.
    via u/MarshalTim

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