Adultering father requests step-daughter act as flower girl in daughter's wedding, stepmom retaliates when she refuses: 'You should probably return any money he gave you'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 17, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Weddings are a common flashpoint for family drama. They're expensive, they're imbued with meaning, and they give everyone a chance to show off just how much of a family they are. They're one of the few public displays of family (aside from funerals and the occasional family barbecue). So it's no wonder that they often become the center of disputes between family members. It gets even more complicated when there's money involved, as there often is at weddings. Have you ever checked the price of a wedding gown recently? 

One bride learned this the hard way after her blended family made things difficult for her in ways she couldn't have anticipated. Like most family stories, this one is layered, with decades of mistreatment and complicated dynamics at play. But commenters were quick to swoop in to let the bride know just who was in the wrong. Read on for the details, and be glad that this isn't your wedding. 

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    AITA for wanting my fiance's niece to be the flower girl than my father's AP daughter?
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    I(28F) and my fiance(27M) are planning on getting married in October. We have the dream place that we have always wanted and have most of the planning completed. My father had an affair with his now wife. She has two kids from a previous relationship(6F,8M). My mother
    via u/FormerSquare26
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    did remarry to my step-father, who I have a very close relationship with. My father offered to pay a signifciant amount of money for the wedding and wanted to walk me down the aisle. I told him that I only wanted my step-father to walk me down. He was heartbroken, but understood why I made my choice.
    via u/FormerSquare26
  • 05
    The bigger issue came up when my fiance and I decided to ask my his brother if his daughter(5F) could be the flower girl and she was very excited. I have no contact with my father's wife, so it took me by surprise when she sent me a long text message wanting to know if her daughter could be the flower girl as my
    via u/FormerSquare26
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    father put a ton of money into the wedding. I told her that we had already asked my fiance's niece to be flower girl. His wife started sending me hateful text messages on how I am being
    via u/FormerSquare26
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    ungrateful and this is the least I could do for my father. I told her that I would happily return the money that he gave me for the wedding. She sent me a few more messages calling me an AH and I had enough and blocked her.
    via u/FormerSquare26
  • 08
    My father did reach out and thinks that I should compromise to keep the peace and let the daughter walk with fiance's niece. I told him that I was over all this stress and if this continued, then they would be uninvited to the wedding. I have been receiving calls and texts from my father's side of the family calling me an AH.
    via u/FormerSquare26
  • 09
    AITA for wanting my fiance's niece to be the flower girl than my father's AP daughter?
    via u/FormerSquare26
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    BrewertonFats · 20 hr. ago NTA. It sounds like your father wanted to find a way back into your life, but selecting your wedding as the time to do that was ignorant, to say the least. To add to that, he's adding to your overall strains through his venomous wife and family.
    via u/BrewertonFats
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    If I'm being honest, you should probably return any money he gave you because I feel like his wife will continue to hold it over your head and use it as an excuse to be a
    via u/BrewertonFats
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    Far_Statistician7997. 20 hr. ago 100% all of this. OP, you do not want this person at your wedding. She has shown her true colors and you know this is not the last of it. She's going to do something to drag your special day down, she's already the interloper in your family, I would keep her out.
    via u/Far_Statistician7997
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    Fun-Rip-4502 - 20 hr. ago NTA. If you have the funds to do it, I'd return the money and uninvite them all if I were you. Otherwise, they're going to continue to harass and hold it over your head. I wouldn't think it would be worth the stress.
    via u/Fun-Rip-4502
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    Your dad made his bed, and now has to lie in it. It's honestly ridiculous for him to think he's entitled to any part of your wedding after he harmed your family, even if he did contribute funds. Money isn't a gift if there's strings attached.
    via u/Fun-Rip-4502
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    WhyCommentQueasy • 20 hr. ago My father did reach out and thinks that I should compromise to keep the peace and let the daughter walk with fiance's niece. Lol what peace? The peace back at his house, I'd wager. Tell them both to pound sand.
    via u/WhyCommentQueasy
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    Plenty_Carrot7973. 21 hr. ago NTA. Carry on, you have money to return and people to un-invite. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and that your soon to be niece has the time of her life.
    via u/Plenty_Carrot7973
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    candycoatedcoward. 20 hr. ago NTA. I would uninvite your father's abusive wife and her daughter. Your father can come alone or miss his daughter's wedding. If anyone tries to justify it, send them a screenshot of her texts. And uninvite them, too.
    via u/candycoatedcoward
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    LingonberryPrior6896. 19 hr. ago NTA. You picked a relative. That is appropriate. Do you even know AP's daughter?
    via u/LingonberryPrior6896
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    FormerSquare26 OP. 19 hr. ago No, I don't. I met her one time.
    via u/FormerSquare26
  • 20
    -Maris- 20 hr. ago • NTA. A compromise is not rolling over and letting them bulldoze you. Your step mom is out of line. The Bride and Groom request their attendees to participate - not the other way around. You certainly don't get to insult and
    via u/-Maris-
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    belittle people when you find out the bridal party wasn't filled out the way you wanted. That they are attempting to manipulate you with money says everything we need to know about them. Refund their money and their invites.
    via u/-Maris-

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stepchildren family drama aita marriage wedding party drama kids dispute stepmom family feud wedding argument story family reddit thread Reddit weddings adultery
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