‘Unbelievable…’: Wife Keeps Family Dinner a Secret, Leaving Husband Stranded at Home

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jul 3, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Your priorities should be centered around your family. In addition to the individuals you are biologically related to, your family may also include your close friends and the families you marry into when tying the knot. Having said that, what would you do if your partner abandoned you after publicly and repeatedly displaying disrespect towards you?

The story below is an account of a frustrated husband. The original poster (OP) moved across the state recently to accommodate her wife's new job. The wife's family pays them a visit once every several months. Initially, the couple loved their occasional, short trips, but things rapidly became problematic when the family began deliberately excluding OP from dinners and other gatherings, and the wife complied in order to please her parents and siblings.

Unfortunately, this did not sit well with the original poster, as you can probably already tell. Therefore, be sure to check out the story below if you want to know what happened next! And when you're done, don't forget to read the heartbreaking story of the woman left standing alone at the much-anticipated PhD ceremony since her hubby 'forgot' to show up!

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  • 01
    I (30M) have been married to the wife (30F) for almost 3 yrs.. 2 yrs ago, I moved to the other side of the country (US) for wife's job. She and her family are from the Middle-East. Her sister lives in the next state over. Each time they've visited, they go out as a family to dinner/brunch at a nice place without me. I expressed it made me uncomfortable and felt disrespectful especially considering they were staying here. This continued to happen with every visit.
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for doing the same? In-Law Visits exclude me from their Brunch/Dinners "As a Family"
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 03
    Hi Everyone! I (30M) have been married to the wife (30F) for almost 3 yrs.. 2 yrs ago, I moved to the other side of the country (US) for wife's job. She and her family are from the Middle-East. Her sister lives in the next state over. Each time they've visited, they go out as a family to dinner/brunch at a nice place without me. I expressed it made me uncomfortable and felt disrespectful especially considering they were staying here. This continued to happen with every visit. I expressed my incr
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 04
    Cue current visit. They are to be here in our home from Thursday-Tuesday. After work, at 7:45 I go out to the deck for a sm ke and to decompress. 8:25PM MIL comes to the deck and tells me dinner reservation is at 8:30 and to get ready. No one told me anything? I go upstairs and wife is getting ready in a room. I pop in and incredulously ask her why she didn't tell me about dinner?? Her response was:
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 05
    "You could have asked, couldn't you?" . She said this is about I tell her this is incredibly FIL's birthday. I go to my desk for more work and ask wife to let me know when she's done getting ready. SIL and wife both pass behind me while getting wife ready not saying a word. I then hear them go downstairs and the front door closing. I go downstairs and they're gone. I called wife 4 times. No answer.
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 06
    I am seething. I drive to cool off and get a call from wife 20min later. I go off about why she didn't say anything to me and about how they all ditched me and how this is extremely disrespectful. She says: "Oh, okay! I'll tell them you said so." They get back at 11:00 PM. SIL asks if I ate. I said yes even though I didn't. FIL looks at the TV and asks if I'm watching X. I curtly say yes. They say goodnight and go to bed.
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 07
    Saturday morning, I go get breakfast. I took extra time bc I wanted to be anywhere away from them. I get a msg from FIL: "We are making brunch for everyone." Wife txtd asking where I am. I didn't reply. FIL and MIL are in the kitchen saying brunch is ready and to please eat. I tell them "I ate." before heading
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 08
    upstairs to my desk to game for the first time in months. Wife comes and says something but I can't hear her. 6:30 PM I go downstairs to heat up food. SIL is on the couch. Wife, MIL, and FIL walk downstairs. No one says anything to me. Wife is on the middle of the stairs when she yells: "Is everyone stressed out and quiet because of that
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 09
    , boring, BUZZK L!? Don't let that fat PS ruin your day." I respond: "Oh, look. It's a talking garbage can. Hey Oscar!" SIL looks at me and throws up her hands. I continue to eat my sandwich as everyone leaves.
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 10
    Wife texts me that MIL is crying in the car because of how uncomfortable I made all of them. They are all leaving, wife included. I said their leaving is completely fine by me and that they're the ones who showed the disrespect first. They are all leaving tomorrow morning to a lake resort for the remainder of their time. AITAH?
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 11
    LoveBeach8 · 1 day ago · edited 15 hr. ago Sultan of Sphincter [631] ΝΤΑ Your wife clearly disrespects you and puts her family way ahead of you. They all trick you, deceive you and enjoy it, whilst pretending to be dumb, like it's all your fault. They're gaslighting you.
    via u/LoveBeach8
  • 12
    Separate. Pack your bags and go to a hotel. Get an attorney and file for divorce. You have been in a marriage of one person married to other people. EDIT: Thank you so much for the awards! :)
    via u/LoveBeach8
  • 13
    One Salamander_9333 OP. 1 day ago Yeah, wholeheartedly agree. "You have been in a marriage of one person married to other people." I've never really considered that, but you hit it square on the nose. Thanks for that!
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 14
    AnnieB512 1 day ago So you asked to be included, MIL says get ready and instead you have a fit and pout? Then you don't get ready, you go back to your office and start working and then get mad that they left you behind? The way she treats you is bad, I agree, but then when things don't go exactly your way, you pout like a child. ESH.
    via u/AnnieB512
  • 15
    Immontes 1 day ago Why did they leave you behind after MIL said to get ready? Regardless, NTA. You would be better off without ALL of them.
    via u/Immontes
  • 16
    One Salamander_9333 OP 1 day ago. I really have no clue. I figured my wife and SIL told them I decided not to come. As far as MIL and FIL knew, I went upstairs to change, which I did. Only my wife knew I was waiting at my desk checking on work stuff while waiting for her to finish getting ready. Yeah, I'm looking forward to the next few days of peace.
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 17
    No-Ambition5170.23 hr. ago ESH. You are all poor communicators. You all sound like a sad bunch.
    via u/No-Ambition5170
  • 18
    One_Salamander_9333 OP · 23 hr. ago No arguments there.
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 19
    No_Dark8446.22 hr. ago YTA Everyone should have communicated better. You were told go get ready for dinner. Other people were getting ready. You were very obviously expected to be at this dinner. Clearly no one gives a about being on time, so who cares that it was in 5 min. (I don't believe your weirdly specific timeline
    via u/No_Dark8446
  • 20
    btw) Now that you KNOW you are invited and expected to be there, you go off and work instead of heading down to the living room, going out to the car, or any other common area to meet up with others. You make yourself unavailable. Could your wife had said something at several different times? Yes. Could you have taken on the responsibility of BEING PRESENT? Also yes.
    via u/No_Dark8446
  • 21
    Again, you were invited to eat and be with the family, and YOU LEFT. How are they being because you went off on your own and then isolated yourself to play video games like a moody teenager? YOU are hosting THEM. Why are you not stepping up in any way to arrange plans or to at least be aware of what's happening? You sound like the kind of man who puts all the responsibility on his wife to do everything.
    via u/No_Dark8446
  • 22
    You just expect to walk through your home life putting in absolutely zero effort and then lash out when that is embarrassingly obvious. Also, what does it matter that she is middle eastern? Why do you specify that about her and her family, but you don't say anything like that about yourself? What lens are you expecting people to read this through by giving that information?
    via u/No_Dark8446
  • 23
    ConnectionOk5553 20 hr. ago Absolutely this! The first paragraph is enough to say YTA. He's hosting people, but has absolutely no clue what the plans are for the weekend. He comes home, doesn't interact with anybody and hides outside for 45 minutes. Then expects to be mothered by his wife because God forbid 'be ready in 5 minutes' isn't enough instructions for him to find his way to the front door in time.
    via u/ConnectionOk5553
  • 24
    similar_name4489 · 1 day ago Certified Proctologist [23] NTA you realize your wife doesn't respect or even like you right? 3 years in and that's her behavior? Either you're letting a lot out or she's just using you. A divorce would be better
    via u/similar_name4489
  • 25
    One Salamander_9333 OP. 1 day ago Yeah, I do. Yes to both, and I agree.
    via u/One_Salamander_9333
  • 26
    Marowo14. 22 hr. ago YTA. So let me get this right, the family Told you when dinner is and you saw your wife getting ready. Instead of also getting ready with your wife, you went back to work. You didn't bother to put on nice clothes or shower, brush your teeth after smoking. Nothing? Didn't wait and chat with your FIL
    via u/Marowo14
  • 27
    for 5 minutes while people finished up. You went back to work. Yeah, you're the They told you when dinner was, you knew they were getting ready, yet you expect everyone to make sure you came with. Then you are to your family when they come back, miss brunch and have a massive attitude. I would be tired of you if I was your wife.
    via u/Marowo14

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long term relationship family drama marriage entitled parents entitlement wife askreddit reddit story family feud relationships husband father in law in laws mother in law family entitled people
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