UPDATE: 'She ruined everything!': Groom Shuns Decade-Long Friend from Wedding to Please Fiancé, Only to Beg for Help Later

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jul 17, 2024 10:00 PM EDT

Your friends are the ones you want by your side during good times and bad. But what would you say if one of your best friends declined your invitation to attend their wedding, claiming that you didn't deserve to be there for one of the most significant days of their lives?

An update to the story of the man who, for no apparent reason, didn't include his friend of ten years in his wedding can be found below. With an update on the status of the relationship with his friend John, the original poster (OP) returned to Reddit. As stated in the post below, John and OP had an open, sincere, and tearful discussion regarding the situation at hand.

So, if you want to know what was said and whether or not they were able to move past this and stay friends, make sure to read the story below!  Additionally, after you're done, don't forget to check out the story about the father who disowns his children after finding out that they knew about their mother's affair!

Advertisement
  • 01
    Jane's friendship, so it hurt when I was excluded and not even addressed, I felt that close enough anyways, and I obviously don't mean to complicate his wedding, I've always thought him and Jane were great for each other (earnestly), I have supported them as best as I can, and I've been confused about what I have done or haven't done to be iced out. I also admitted it's hard to trust Jane again if she has been weighing the validity of my presence based on my relationship status, and added (with
    via canva
  • 02
    Update: AITA for refusing to help a friend who didn't invite me to their wedding?
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 03
    I previously posted about being passed over for invitation to a wedding while being asked to perform a favor for the couple who did not invite me. Yesterday afternoon, a few days after John made the initiating contact that led to this altercation, he reached out by text telling me the following: "I want to take you up on that drink tomorrow if possible, and I want to apologize for my royal f ps in person." I agreed to meet.
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 04
    After we kicked off with a round of sts John's first line was that he failed me as a friend in this situation. With non-family invites, Jane apparently seemed very preoccupied with a philosophy of "couples over singles" at the wedding, and he had previously voiced that he felt it was exclusionary and silly, but I guess Jane prioritized couples on the first round of friend-invites and told John that it will be easier to fit in others after receiving RSVPs. John backed out and says he felt that
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 05
    going along with her initial plan of inviting the rest of our circle (who are, god bless them, coupled up), and not me, and had faith the rsvp thing would materialize. She ended up using the bit of space to plug in some more family. John admitted he basically folded and felt ashamed enough that he could not find a way to tell me. He knew reaching out to me about that favor was a risk but took it anyways because he wanted someone he
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 06
    could trust, and my response was a materialization of everything he feared would happen, and in his words, deservedly so. He told me a wedding should be a gathering of your family and company who have been a part of your lives and who you want to be part of your lives, and I fit that bill to him by any measure. He, trying to accurately paraphrase, said I've done more than most of the people on the guest list for him and his family over their relationship, including help making memories
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 07
    with trip coverages and helping build their back-deck with him to share meals and host events over the last 6 years. He got visibly upset when he said (with the s t and the drinks we were sipping on kicking in) that he can't believe Jane even considered holding my single/dating status against me after I got her home safely during a snowstorm earlier this year, and that he did not more adamantly confront that bu reasoning the instant she voiced it. He is even more p d for Jane reaching out to me
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 08
    John acknowledged it would come off as hollow at this point, but after a few "exchanges" with Jane said there would be no more nonsense and I would at least get a proper invite and +1 if I wanted, and they would make it work if it was even desired by me at this point. He said he is not going to try to do panicked damage control but will be upfront with our circle (one has already dropped the wedding and I guess another couple has said something else, by his reporting) like
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 09
    he was with me for his faults, because he and Jane deserve the blowback and he needs to earn trust back, if it's at all possible. He has also made it Jane's problem to find a friend who can come out 9 days in a row to care for the home and pets. With a smirk, he said she's having a hard time securing it, and may likely have to hire help. I told John I really appreciated his owning up to this, and it was good to see the friend I had shine through here. I told him that I have always appreciated hi
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 10
    Jane's friendship, so it hurt when I was excluded and not even addressed, I felt that close enough anyways, and I obviously don't mean to complicate his wedding, I've always thought him and Jane were great for each other (earnestly), I have supported them as best as I can, and I've been confused about what I have done or haven't done to be iced out. I also admitted it's hard to trust Jane again if she has been weighing the validity of my presence based on my relationship status, and added (with
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 11
    trying and you guys haven't met some of my previous long-term partners. He said he doesn't get it either, and she has at least one good friend who is single that she may have burned a bridge with as well over the wedding philosophy she had. I said the friendship is going to be changed and informed by this, at least very different for a while, and I know that you and Jane had a disagreement leading to this but that I hope that the wedding goes on to be a good celebration. I informed him it feels
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 12
    said if there was a change of mind, up to the last minute, to let him know, which was kind and he wasn't desperate/pushy about it. John said the fault is his for not stepping up on my behalf, that he is sorry, and while he feels (I wouldn't expect otherwise, and I agree) he is very lucky to have her in his life and thinks their marriage is a positive development for them, he even told her this whole situation will have him questioning and second- guessing her judgment on social matters with his
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 13
    friends for the foreseeable future. By his reporting, but a credit to their relationship, this was quite a b w to her to hear from him but one she accepted and apologized for after their argument(s) about the subject. Before we parted ways in the parking lot, we gave each other a bro-hug, and John's voice broke a bit when he said he is sorry one last time, and I think mine did too when I forgave him. It was legitimately surprising and
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 14
    therapeutic to have John be so frank and accountable, but not unlike the friend I've known for most of my adult life. It was bittersweet, being all-things- considered a makeup but also a breakup of sorts to what was previously an unquestioned and assumed strong trust and camaraderie. Maybe we can get there again. It seems possible, and it'd be nice. I'm sitting here after weeks of big feelings stewing on a different shade of big boy feelings now. Thanks for processing with me, reddit.
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 15
    oakspeckta 11 hr. ago I'm envious of your tact, grace, and insight in handling such a difficult situation. You sound like an incredible friend and I hope you're both able to rebuild from this. Also, f k Jane.
    via u/oakspeckta
  • 16
    • Trailsya 12 hr. ago What idiotic behavior. I would prioritize singles over couples as they take up less space, lol. Anyway, wouldn't be doing Jane and also John any favors anymore. That b h can find her own help.
    via u/Trailsya
  • 17
    Questn4Lyfe . 11 hr. ago Not only that but I've heard weddings are perfect events for singles to meet! Not only that but wouldn't it be considered good luck if people who were at your wedding met / started dating/ eventually marry because of the bride and groom?
    via u/Questn4Lyfe
  • 18
    For Jane to be all fixated on couplings at her wedding (because we all know she thinks this is her wedding not ours), is beyond ridiculous.
    via u/Questn4Lyfe
  • 19
    Stylish MrTrix 11 hr. ago Reminds of the one where the bride wanted zero single men at her wedding and the s followed that show that
    via u/StylishMrTrix
  • 20
    Abject_Sleep383 11 hr. ago No Favors None Not until you have been paid back in kind with significant interest
    via u/Abject_Sleep383
  • 21
    Let them be there for you, repeatedly. Before you even consider giving a helping hand to him and the selfish leeching witch he's hitching that wagon too
    via u/Abject_Sleep383
  • 22
    ObsidianNight102399 · 5 hr. ago Am I the only one who thinks John fed him BS? There is nothing frank and accountable in his actions. They used OP as a free labor: free emergency driver, house sitter, pet sitter, handyman... They are using him now as a prop to save their face. Because it is scandalous that their mutual friends are
    via u/ObsidianNight102399
  • 23
    dropping out of the wedding and. It is exactly what damage control is. If John felt even a bit sorry, he would not try to use OP as his pet sitter anymore, and would apologized as soon as the cat was out of the bag.
    via u/ObsidianNight102399
  • 24
    Ayane_Redfield • 6 hr. ago I hope that a couple they lovingly invited would get engaged at their wedding. That's my wedding wish for Jane.
    via u/Ayane_Redfield
  • 25
    EntertainerKey8563 OP. 6 hr. ago ok, I spit my drink out laughing catching this response
    via u/EntertainerKey8563
  • 26
    cultqueennn 11 hr. ago No, they just noticed how much they counted on you doing stuff for them and are just realizing that they won't be able to use you as a consequence. They never thought they would be caught.
    via u/cultqueennn
  • 27
    SignAffectionatex 11 hr. ago edited 11 hr. ago "John admitted he basically folded and felt ashamed enough that he could not find a way to tell me. He knew reaching out to me about that favor was a risk but took it anyways because he wanted someone he could trust, and my response was a materialization of everything he feared would happen, and in his words, deservedly so."
    via u/SignAffectionatex
  • 28
    That's what hurts. Is he knew. He knew what he did. And he still wanted favors from you. John knows what a good person you are. When He says "he trust you ". It really means, because you're probably the only one, that would waste your precious time on them for free and without complaints, like a willing slave. You're the free help.
    via u/SignAffectionatex
  • 29
    And he can just easily, ask you for favors and depend on you for whatever they need. house sit for 9 days...? Care and feed animals...? Really...? Even most single people won't do that, not even for a .friend. You are too nice OP! Those two, John and Jane, have been taking advantage of your generosity, your kindness and sweet soul for far too long. Enough is enough.
    via u/SignAffectionatex
  • 30
    They are not nice people. They both deserve eachother. They are just back-tracking now because you see them for who they are. But you, you deserve better friends. Who know your value and appreciates you. Only invest your time and energy on people, who will do the same for you.
    via u/SignAffectionatex
  • 31
    You weren't even an afterthought to them. If you said nothing and pretended you didn't know about not being invited. They would be glad you were kept in the dark and watching their house and farm animals while they happily went on their honey moon for nine days! John and Jane would have kept taking advantage of you for years to come. They are so infuriating.
    via u/SignAffectionatex

Tags

friendship loyalty bride entitlement groom best friends friends askreddit reddit story wedding entitled people karma entitled bridezilla rock solid friendship relationship drama entitled people
Scroll Down For The Next Article