‘After 10 years I'm honestly just fed up’: Women's Careless Husband Doesn't Celebrate Holidays that Honor Her, She Turns to the Internet for Advice

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 19, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

How do you deal with a husband who disregards your needs?

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  • As women, we like all to be appreciated once in a while. Whether that be on our birthdays, on Christmas, or on Mother's Day, nothing beats a handmade card, or a magical night out where we feel like our efforts are seen. When we get into long-term relationships and/or marriages, we expect our partners (to a certain extent) to take on a nurturing, appreciative role in this regard. They're the ones where it means the most, after all.

    The woman in this story is dealing with a dilemma: her husband, since they started dating (nearly 10 years ago), has never been big on celebrating holidays that honor her. Her birthday is the next day as she is writing the post, and she mentions it seems like this will be another year where he doesn't celebrate nor acknowledge the special day. The woman has been hoping her demands for appreciation would one day be accepted, but it is looking unlikely—and she's fed up. Scroll below to see some nurturing, womanly advice from people who are rooting for her.

     

  • 01
    My husband doesn't celebrate my birthday
    via hilariousouirih
  • 02
    My husband (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 10 years, and he has never celebrated my birthday or any holiday for me. Mother's Day, my birthday, nor Christmas. I've never received a gift, card, or done a nice outing
    via hilariousouirih
  • 03
    for my birthday. I grew up in a house where these kinds of events/holidays were really special, and I always looked forward to them.
    via hilariousouirih
  • 04
    Tomorrow is my birthday and yet again, he has made it clear he has no plans for a nice outing or even as small as a cake. We have kids together and there is nothing I'd love more than something as a
    via hilariousouirih
  • 05
    handmade card from them for a keepsake. I've expressed to him that I don't need gifts or anything material, I'd just love to feel celebrated whether that be a nice outing together or a nice dinner at home. Whenever this
    via hilariousouirih
  • 06
    conversation comes about he tells I'm materialistic, 'your birthday/Christmas / Mother's Day/etc is no different than any other day'. Some years he forgets completely, and the other years he just does nothing.
    via hilariousouirih
  • 07
    I understand love languages can be different, but after 10 years I'm honestly just fed up. I spend every birthday feeling under appreciated and sad. I make
    via hilariousouirih
  • 08
    everyone else's birthdays and holidays special for them. Is there a better way to go about this? Am I being over dramatic? :( TLDR; my husband of 10 years has never celebrated my birthday or any holiday for me despite me telling him it's important to me.
    via hilariousouirih
  • 09
    NoAr... • • 19h ago Edited 17h ago Because it's important to you, it should be important to him. I really hope you do absolutely nothing for him on birthdays, etc. Please stop. On your birthday, go out with friends and/or family and celebrate. Bring the kids or get a babysitter - but do something. Stop letting
    via NoArt1475
  • 10
    his stick up the ways dictate your life. You can't change him, but you can act like you don't care. Enjoy the time with people that actually like/love you and want to celebrate with you. He's selfish. Does he do anything for the kids on their birthdays?
    via NoArt1475
  • 11
    actualmeme16 19h ago • I don't know how you managed to stay for 10 years with this person. If you have been telling him that this is the way you feel loved, and yet he still didn't do anything about it, then he's a This isn't about being materialistic! Don't let him
    via actualmeme16
  • 12
    gaslight you. My parents have been married for 20 years and my dad always makes sure my mom is happy on her birthday. He buys her gifts or cooks her food, even if there were times that he was so broke. It's so hard to accept your husband's behavior cause instead of being sorry that he couldn't do, he just gaslights you into thinking you're being materialistic. Which makes everything worse!
    via actualmeme16
  • 13
    not_falling_down ⚫ 19h ago Make a plan and take your kids out with you for a birthday celebration. He is not invited, since, to him, it's just another day.
    via not_falling_down
  • 14
    misstiff1971 19h ago . It has been 10 years. He isn't going to change. If you want some one who enjoys these things and shows consideration with them - you needed someone else. If you decide to stay with him - only celebrate your children and make parties for yourself so children can see these are special days. Don't bother on his days since they mean nothing to him.
    via misstiff1971
  • 15
    charismatictictic 18h ago • You need to start taking control of your own birthdays/special days, and celebrate them with friends and/or family. Do not put your happiness in the hands of someone who's made it clear they don't want to, and don't plan on making you happy on your birthday. After 10 years, you should know better.
    via charismatictictic
  • 16
    Next Mother's Day, book something nice for just you, and let him watch the kids. Tomorrow, do something special with your kids. Create new traditions. And ask your kids to make you cards! Don't deny yourself this just because he doesn't do it for you. Sit down with them if you have to.
    via charasmatictictic
  • 17
    therottenone • 19h ago Question: How does he feel about celebrating his birthday and Father's Day? You should be celebrated and appreciated, you're not asking for too much. It seems like laziness on his end and at worst a power grab because he knows that you want those things. I'm sorry you're experiencing that.
    via therottenone
  • 18
    Nearby Dark3737 • 16h ago My ex husband did the same thing. This is one of the many reasons he's my ex. Also, he usually made it the worst day so I basically paid for it instead of being celebrated. He's not showing love he's a
    via NearbyDark3737
  • 19
    badlcuk 19h ago . You've grown up and apart. Not surprising given you got together at 15 and are now 25-so very very young! You deserve so much better, and you deserve someone who celebrates you, birthday or not. The fact your husband argues against the bare minimum of a request shows how much of a gap has grown. If he cared about you (even if he doesn't care about birthdays), he'd make the effort.
    via badlcuk
  • 20
    Does he plan to never celebrate the kids either? No birthdays, holidays? What about achievements like graduation?
    via badlcuk
  • 21
    AdRealistic9638 18h ago • Honestly, you should make plans by yourself, and get the best out of the situation. And never celebrate him. If its a deal breaker its ok too. But if you dont want divorce, than make everything to be by your taste and learn your kids to be different. He is not going to change.
    via AdRealistic9638
  • 22
    JeweleyHart • 17h ago Wow. What a ☐. My husband didn't do anything to celebrate our first Valentine's Day. He's never forgotten since. Or Christmas, my birthday, etc. You ARE important. And he's just lazy.
    via JeweleyHart
  • 23
    in-my-50s 16h ago • Look, decide to stay or go. Tomorrow, get a cake even if you must bake it yourself and ask your kids, if it's age-appropriate, to sing you Happy Birthday, blow out candles, and have cake. Invite him to join you if you wish. Make sure you celebrate you. You will not regret it. BTW, I'm sorry he's not a celebrator. It sounds like something he grew up with.
    via in-my-50s
  • 24
    madame_oak • 16h ago There's a guy who wrote a book about being divorced over not doing the dishes. This is a much bigger problem. I suggest having a very honest conversation with yourself about whether or not this person cares about your well-being.
    via madame_oak
  • 25
    vanova1911 • 13h ago There's a lot of good advice in these comments, so I won't go into why I agree with most of them. I'll just say that I wish you a very Happy Birthday (albeit a few hours early)!!! You deserve all the love and joy in the world everyday and especially on your birthday A
    via vanova1911

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