'Avoid attention from other men': Fitness-Lover Breaks Up With a Controlling Boyfriend After He Insists She Switch to an 'All-Women' Gym, Exposing a Red Flag of Mistrust

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jul 21, 2024 9:00 PM EDT

The gym is one of the many watering holes of society. Everyone goes there to get fit, sweat a little, and have a rush of endorphins, but with the pheromones flying and the bulk of gym-goers clad in scanty clothing, some people get the wrong idea that the gym is a place for romance. Sorry men, but I'm pretty sure there's not a single fitness female who wants to be checked out or hit on at the gym–we're here to work out and then we go home. Simple. 

Not surprisingly, a woman from Reddit was shown a different side of her (now ex) boyfriend when she frequented the gym. After attending the same gym routinely for over a year, she'd found a perfect niche of friends, fellow workout buddies, and an excellent routine. But according to her boyfriend, a regular co-ed gym was a cesspool for debauchery, frivolity, and most importantly, infidelity. 

Scroll for the entire story of a woman who stood up for herself against a guy full of red flags after he insisted she switch to an 'all women's' gym to appease his withering ego. 

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  • 01
    "The idea of switching gyms just to make my boyfriend feel better doesn't sit right with me"
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    AITA for refusing to switch to an all-women gym? Hi Reddit! I (25F) have been dating Ben (27M) for 3 months. Recently, Ben started expressing
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    discomfort with me going to my regular co-ed gym. He says that it's normal for women with boyfriends to go to all-women gyms to avoid attention from other men and to make their partners feel more secure and
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  • 04
    that his ex-girlfriend swapped gyms when they started dating. I've been going to this gym for about a year, and I have a great routine, a supportive group of workout buddies, and I feel comfortable there. The idea of
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    switching gyms just to make my boyfriend feel better doesn't sit right with me. I believe trust and respect are crucial in a relationship, and this feels like a lack of trust on his part.
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  • 06
    I tried explaining my perspective to him, but he insists that his request is reasonable and that I'm being inconsiderate of his feelings.
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  • 07
    Since we can't agree, we've come to Reddit for opinions as we don't want to involve our families and friends. So, Reddit, AITA for refusing to switch to an all-women gym to make my boyfriend more comfortable?
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  • 08
    UPDATE: There are so many comments now I can't possibly reply to them all! I wasn't expecting to get this many replies! Just wanted to thank you all for your thoughts and let you know after reading and
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    discussing the comments we have decided it's best to end things. I feel the relationship won't be healthy and he thinks he needs to work on himself before being in a relationship. I
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    was pleasantly surprised by his ability to take the criticism on board and hope this helps him become a better partner to someone in the future. I will be spending a lot more time in the gym now!!
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    Good_Focus2665 • 6h ago If it was normal for women to switch to all women's gym when they are in a relationship, there would be a heck of a lot more all women's gyms around especially in the suburbs. Like my county
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    doesn't even have one and it's as suburbia as it can get. NTA. Your bf sounds like a controlling moron. You can do better.
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    andhakaran • 6h ago . Does he also expect you to work in an all women profession? You must also, very soon, be expected to wear modest clothes since any show of skin attracts unwanted male gaze. So much care, it must be suffocating.
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    kissklub 6h ago • WHO said it's normal for women wa bf to go to an all girls gym? is there a discount for that or something? NTA
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    strangeloop414 • 6h ago NTA- you've been dating for three months and he's already lying to you about what women in relationships do to try to control you. I've never once in my life heard that it's
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    'normal' for women to start going to all-women gyms once they're in a relationship. If he's so worried you'll be harassed by other men, he should get off his a*s and go to the gym with you.
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    PudeldesTodes91 6h ago "Avoid attention from other men"... well there is the first red flag. It starts with the gym. then the beach and what to wear in public in the future. It is not your job to avoid having a life and contact to other people to make him feel secure. Run!
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    realitytvpaws • 6h ago NTA RECOGNIZING SIGNS OF CONTROL OR "RED FLAGS" IN A RELATIONSHIP
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    Cute-Profession9... . 6h ago How about make yourself more comfortable and get a bf who isn't an insecure little boy? Only 3 months in and he's starting to try to control you. Imagine what he'll be demanding of you in a year...
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    prettyy_sofiaaa • 6h ago Honestly, it seems a little controlling. If you're happy at your gym and not doing anything wrong, there's no reason to switch. His insecurity is his problem, not yours.
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    eccentric_3 · 6h ago NTA. Controlling where you work out is a major red flag. His request shows a lack of trust and respect for your choices. If he doesn't trust you now, three months in, it's
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    unlikely that this issue will simply fade away. Stand your ground and prioritize your comfort and well-being. It's his problem to address, not yours by changing gyms.
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  • 23
    legallymyself • 6h ago His request is NOT reasonable. He is actually being controlling. He might want to google Jonah Hill. He is actually the AH. If he
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    wants to set boundaries, that means setting boundaries for him not making rules for you. Tell him to grow up and get over himself.
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    chibbledibs • 6h ago NTA. His request is not normal. His request is insulting and weird.
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    emmetdont... • 6h ago your man is already controlling you at 3 months in. red alert red alert evacuate ship immediately, dump the chump.
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    .• Paxdog1 6h ago NTA. Is he going to an all guy gym? Ya know, since he has a girlfriend now. Run away.
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    . Wrong_Moo... • 6h ago No, it's not normal, if he is this controlling 3 months in you are in trouble. Walk away from this one, better yet Run Fast and Far. NTA but you would be if you stay with Mr Insecurity
    via Wrong_Moo

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boyfriend womens gym females woman empowered gym empowerment Female Empowerment relatable controlling interesting ex boyfriend womens memes womens female ladies women working out lady
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