So When I Heard About The 2026 Movie
Yeah. Jumanji is coming back. Again. For a December 11, 2026, release. And apparently this time it's the "Final Level" - which, thank goodness, because this franchise has been on life support since they decided Robin Williams' legacy needed The Rock doing eyebrow raises.
Then Came The Reboots
And what did we get? Video game avatars. Jack Black doing his Jack Black thing. Karen Gillan in cargo shorts. The Rock being The Rock.
Look, I'm not saying they're terrible movies. I'm saying they're boring. They took a film about genuine childhood terror - a game that could literally trap you for 26 years and destroy your entire life - and turned it into a PG-13 body-swap comedy with zipline sequences.
The special effects? Competent CGI that looks like every other blockbuster. Nothing groundbreaking. Nothing worth teaching. Just adequate green screen work and digital environments that'll look dated in five years.
The "Final Level" Has Me Feeling Some Type Of Way
The new movie is bringing back Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Karen Gillan, and Jack Black for what Kevin Hart says is the series finale. They're adding Brittany O'Grady and Burn Gorman. Jake Kasdan is directing again. It's getting the IMAX treatment.
And honestly? Good. Let it end.
Not because I hate fun or think sequels are inherently bad. But because this franchise stopped being Jumanji the moment they decided a haunting board game needed to become a PlayStation joke generator.
What They Lost
The 1995 film had Robin Williams playing a man genuinely traumatized by decades in a jungle nightmare. It had real stakes. Real fear. That drum beat was ominous. The reboots have quips. They have The Rock making smoldering faces at hippos. They have respawn mechanics because, hey, it's a video game now, so death doesn't matter!
You can't teach that. There's nothing to analyze. It's just content.
So Here's To December 2026
When this "Final Level" drops, I'll probably skip it. The original Jumanji taught a generation about practical effects, wizardry, and genuine stakes in fantasy filmmaking. These reboots taught us that you can slap a recognizable IP on anything and print money.
But at least it's finally coming to an end.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rewatch the stampede sequence and remember when blockbusters still knew how to leave you breathless