'I regret buying our dream house': In-laws pressure couple into buying $1M home in the country, stick them with an expensive mortgage

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Aug 14, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

"I'm angry with myself for going against my gut and what I originally wanted to do because now we are priced out of that area…"

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  • Buying your first home is already a very stressful situation. Obviously, you're going to want the advice of people you trust who have also already been through the home-buying experience. So, most likely, you would turn to your parents. Right? Well, unfortunately for us, home-buying back in their day was a completely different and cheaper process. So their advice is technically obsolete… Sorry. You're going to have to do your own research or hire someone to do it for you. Because even your friends who bought a house last year are still winging it. 

    This couple on Reddit recently bought a home that was way out of the price range. Why? Because the wife's parents convinced them it was their “dream home.” Now, they can hardly save any money, their mortgage is huge, and they are stuck, unable to afford a move no matter how badly they dislike the house. It probably wouldn't be so bad, either, if it wasn't so far from the city they were previously living in and where all of their friends still live. And now they have a new baby! What would you do? Other Redditors respond.

  • 01
    "They're NOT the ones paying the mortgage-we are-so why did I let them talk me into such an expensive home??"
    via G Keith Hall via wikimedia commons
  • 02
    I regret buying our "dream house" 3 years ago we bought a house in a HCOL area. I made the mistake of involving my parents in the house hunting process. It was during the crazy time when people were offering 200 & 300K and more above asking so it was really hard to get an offer accepted. We would have 15 minutes to look at a house and then have to decide if we are going to make an offer.
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 03
    Looking back we had no clue what we were doing, so of course we leaned on my parents to help us. Initially I went in wanting to buy a smaller home in the 700s price range about 20 minutes from a major city. WELL.....they talked me into buying a MUCH larger home for over 1M in a more rural ( 1 hour from the city). They strongly pushed me into buying the home "oh no this is the perfect house for you!" "It can be your forever home!" "You're going to regret it so much if you buy a smaller house!!" "
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 04
    emotional decision and did not paint any type of realistic picture of the reality of owning this home. Because of the low interest rate the mortgage was about the same that we paid in rent so it seemed like it made sense. I thought they knew better than me and let them convince me. Oh how naive I was back then!! Everything happened so quickly I really didn't a chance to even process it. Now every single day.... I regret NOT buying that much smaller house 20 minutes from the city. Im angry with m
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 05
    homes have gone up much more than ours and we've had to make so many repairs and things like adding solar (since our electricity is so high), 3 HVAC systems. The house is over 30 years old so a lot of things needed to be replaced. Now it is a beautiful home in a nice area and partner loves the house. We would lose money if we moved plus we can't afford a house in those other areas. A lot of our friends and family live an hour away (we drive to see them all the time!) which we didn't think was a
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 06
    other family members when they do) which also hurts my feelings. We bought this large house thinking everyone would be excited to come visit more often. I've made some new friends too but they also all live at least 45 minutes away. The area we live doesn't have many young families - it's mostly older/retired folks. Part of me just thinks I should shut up and be happy we even have a house. We both worked very hard for many years and received zero help from anyone to pay for it. My partner thinks
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 07
    Moving is NOT an option as we have had to invest heavily in the house and would lose money if we left now. We also can't afford to move at this point. We do have a cleaner come 2x a month but we really can't afford to hire anymore help. We do mostly everything ourselves since everything home services has become so expensive. Before we had our baby I managed to upkeep everything but it's much harder now to keep things the way I like them to be. Everyday I find myself frustrated, overwhelmed, and
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 08
    We are doing ok and can technically afford the house because we got such a good rate but everyday I think wow, WHY did we buy this huge house so far from everything?? If my partner loses his job we are in trouble. WE COULD HAVE saved so much money, paid our house off faster, and been much closer to everything. I've realized my parents DO NOT make great financial decisions (as recently somethings have come to light) about and they influenced me and I feel so stupid about that. They're NOT the one
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 09
    I NEED to figure out a way to move past these feelings but it's something I'm having a really hard time with since it was such a huge purchase and changed everything about our entire life. 1K 5' д ] 989 1 ✓ Share
    via Humble-Ad8326
  • 10
    dwells2301 2d ago If you want friends Don't write off those older retired folks. I am one and would love a young family for neighbors. I don't have grandkids and could be the neighborhood grandma. 260 Reply
    via dwells2301
  • 11
    mtotes 2d ago • Lesson for any homebuyer: After the deal closes, you (and only you) are in the house. Not your realtor. Not your lawyer. Not your inspector. Not your parents. Only you. 253 Reply
    via mtotes
  • 12
    geoff5093 2d ago Here I am who bought a smaller starter home and now feel trapped because I want to get something bigger but anything close to an upgrade is double our current mortgage. I wish I got a bigger house from the start. 1.4K Reply
    via geoff5093
  • 13
    Dangerous-Kale-6532 2d ago Also remember that there would have been negatives and things you didn't like about the other house. It also would have needed upkeep. Maybe it would have been too small. Maybe the neighbors would have sucked. Etc. Give yourself grace to feel regretful, remind yourself to be grateful for a roof over your head, and work with your partner about how you can get into a spot to sell the house (even if it's far in the future). 321 Reply ...
    via Dangerous-Kale-6532
  • 14
    Happy-Preference2049 • 2d ago I really relate because I have very often listened to my parents when I was unsure and regretted it. It's nobodys fault it's just the nature of learning how life works. You won't be stuck there forever! The market will change, interest won't ever go back down to the 2's and 3's but just keep an eye on the market and be ready to move when the time comes. Your investments in the home will increase selling price so they weren't empty purchases. If you're
    via Happy-Preference2049
  • 15
    unsure what you could potentially sell for you can have it appraised so you know your price range and are ready to strike when the time comes. Having your little. one out there can have a lot of benefits. Lots of room to play and add toys, room to play safely outside. This is just a season of life so try to enjoy it for what it is instead of focusing on all of the stuff your missing since you can't get out of the situation right now. 71 Reply
    via Happy-Preference2049
  • 16
    Necessary-Answer-970 • 2d ago Honestly it's easier to blame them than you for not doing the research on what to look for, how to prioritize what's important to you. You knew nothing and trusted ppl who didn't have the same priorities or history of making sound financial decisions in the first place you say Every single person has some type of regret on the house they bought. They learn the lesson. Your little home you are still dreaming of could now have the worst neighbors, increased traffic et
    via Necessary-Answer-970
  • 17
    • Adorable_Dust3799 2d ago Your partner is happy. Instead of fighting, even internally to yourself, join them. You can't change it, so beating yourself up is pointless. If would be very different if you could change the situation but you can't, so change your point of view Instead. Be glad partner is happy. See what they live and appreciate that, while reminding yourself that in however many years you'll look for other things. You can't force anyone else to change but you can absolutely change y
    via Adorable_Dust3799
  • 18
    • CarpenterSilver5476 2d ago How old is your baby? I struggled for a long time when my kids were infant/toddler ages. I hated the house we lived in (much larger than i wanted) and how I couldn't keep up with everything, too. I won't say to throw in the towel just yet, but give yourself some extra grace. It's hard to be an adult and keep up with everything, and adding kids makes it feel much, much harder. ☆ 72 Reply
    via CarpenterSilver5476
  • 19
    Hte2w8 2d ago • You sound young. It doesn't have to be your forever home. Set a time limit, say 5 years, and work toward whatever it is you think you want. Don't wallow in regret. Ultimately, the decision was yours and your partners to make, and you made it. So things aren't perfect, set a goal and work toward it. Life isn't perfect. Chances are, you would have found things to dislike in any house you bought, and you definitely would have had to invest $$ in a house (like solar). 47 Reply
    via Hte2w8
  • 20
    • Bred YourWoman 2d ago Edited 2d ago No such thing as a forever house. Everyone's life circumstances are always in flux and none of us are prophets. I've had several "forever" houses now. lol. ↑ 27 Reply
    via bredyourwoman
  • 21
    shananddr 2d ago • House ick is as hard to shake almost as partner ick. Sorry. I understand your dilemma. My husband had ick with our last house and I thought it was adorable. We live an hour from the city in a rural area now and love it but we are older and I don't have to drive the hour to downtown but once or twice a week. But I totally get how it can be an adjustment. Hopefully things are moving that direction growth wise and what seems like a loss now will be valuable land in the near futur
    via shananddr
  • 22
    Suckerforcats 2d ago • I would honestly get out of this in the near future. You'll likely never get past those feelings. Start saving and wait for interest rates to come down then start looking closer to where you want to be. Maybe you can't get back in the same exact area but at least closer than you are now in a home size you would be happier with. I live 2000 miles away from where I want to be and it bad. Have for 20 years and it's miserable. I can't move back right now but eventually I will.
    via s*ckerforcats
  • 23
    SchlaterSchlong • 2d ago I hate the term "forever home or dream house" with a passion. Stop saying it. It creates a notion of permanence that shackles you. You live in a home until it suits your needs. Once it doesn't, you move. I am on my third "forever home" and suspect there's another one in my future. 10 Reply
    via SchlaterSchl*ng

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