Woman's Coworkers Ignore Her Wedding, She Stops Going Out of Her Way to be Helpful in the Office, Workplace Tensions Ensue

Advertisement
  • 01
    r/AITAH u/xo59tehu 1d AITAH for not being helpful anymore after my coworkers didn't congratulate me on my wedding?
  • 02
    Hi all. I'll try to be concise; My husband (M38) and I I (F32) got married in July. Since we work in the same place but in different teams, I thought the contrasting treatment is very telling. In our workplace, it's very common to gather a token amount of cash and a card. He got gifts from his team, the neighboring team and some coworkers in private. I got one coworker who's been a rock after the rona and was invited to our wedding.
  • 03
    The rest of my team didn't bother ; however since I was somewhat hurt, I stopped helping out with their jobs and solely focused on mine (I'm in a project whilst the others are working in a hotline)- and effectively, most of them now have to bother our SMEs instead of me.
  • 04
    Here comes the issue. The SMEs have asked me to please start helping out again, since it's been challenging for them, but I said that I don't see this as my issue anymore, especially since my team showed me they don't appreciate me. I was told that they of course did not forget me and I would get "something" in September. I reiterated that one card without money or I in July would have been "appreciation". Scrambling to pretend to care about me three months after the fact is kinda disgusting and
  • 05
    Now my team is being extra nice and all I want is be left alone and not having to deal with their problems. I've been told I'm petty and should just be normal again and let them make a celebration in my honor in September, which I vehemently disagree with -to the point I actively avoid the team by switching to home office when they gather. AITAh for shunning the team after they didn't even congratulate me verbally on my wedding?
  • 06
    Info: yes other people get gifts for birthdays, weddings, babies and stuff, I always pitched in or organized the celebratory part with food and drinks. A huge point of contention is that I don't gather paperwork at the office anymore which i did since all of my team is in the home office and sensitive data can't lie about. Now paperwork is either not being done or falls back on the SMEs. Same with five to six standard tasks no one figured out how to do, I refuse to teach them, since knowledge tr
  • 07
    AITAH? Tl;dr: team didn't congratulate me on my wedding so I refuse to help them and now office work is more difficult. 1,899 610
  • 08
    XCrimson Melodyx • 1d NTA. When I got married, I worked as the office girl at a trucking company - I was literally the only woman in the building. I came back the Monday after my wedding and I had streamers on my door, a bottle of Barefoot wine and a card signed by all the drivers with a GC for Bath and Body Works (one of the managers said the guys recommended it because "that's what women like"). Even though I'm usually not a fan of cheap wine, it was honestly the sweetest thing and I'll rememb
  • 09
    biglipsmagoo • 23h It's the thought. It's the effort. You appreciated it bc you knew it was the best they had to offer and they gave it to you. Even when they miss the mark, the thought and the effort cover the holes. That's all ppl are asking for. To be thought of by others. 1.1k
  • 10
    SnooTigers3833 • 21h THE CUTEST! I just asked my husband what he thinks they'd get one of the office girls at his job (he's an auto tech) and he Bath and Body Works because "don't women like it there?" 297
  • 11
    Sure_Comfort_7031 • 20h The thought of a dozen truckers and yard dudes sitting around thinking "what do women like? Soap! And wine. What wine? I dunno, this one says barefoot, I bet women like to be barefoot!" Is hilarious to me. 110
  • 12
    Trailsya • 1d This is what you get for doing more than your job description asks for. And I mean that in the nicest way. Instead of appreciating what you did extra, they call you petty for just sticking to what you were hired for, which is exactly your right.
  • 13
    I also learned to guard my boundaries at work. Used to do all kinds of work for all kinds of departments. And while those colleagues would say thanks and the occasional verbal appreciation, my whole department was usually skipped during the big meetings when it came to appreciation etc. So now I do the work I was hired for, and perhaps a little more for people who are appreciative, but I am not going too far out of my way anymore.
  • 14
    NTA by the way. You do what you were hired for. If they want you to do more, they should offer you a new job title and raise. Reply 1.5k
  • 15
    xo59tehu OP. 1d Thanks. Kinda how I positioned myself. I just thought going above and beyond would make work better. And it did, before it was implied I would have to do everything with no appreciation. And yeah I was supposed to get a raise and a title but they didn't want to put it in writing so I am still waiting for that. 735
  • 16
    KiyoMizu1996 · 1d Yep. I was like you and did my job plus parts of other people's jobs so well that they couldnt manage without me. I saw coworkers with less experience get promoted ahead of me and after the third time it happened I asked my manager why and that's what I was told. They couldn't manage without me bc it would take at least 3 people to do my job and they couldn't afford that. I gave my notice after that and started my own consulting business. No more corporate bs for me. ... 63
  • 17
    JCIL-1990 1d NTA. One of my colleagues was given a paid day off and condolences card and gift when her pet rat died. When my high school friend died by suicide, I got a lecture on needing to build resilience because "things happen in life". I gave zero to anyone after that. My advice to anyone is know your job description, and don't go overboard. Appreciation very quickly turns into expectation. Reply 735
  • 18
    Aiyokusama 1d Tell the higher ups that you are doing your job and if they want to expand your duties that it needs to be reflected in your compensation package. NTA. They did take you for granted and now they aren't happy that you won't put up with it. Reply 42
  • 19
    Just-Profession-3370 1d I get that you and your husband work together and you perceived the work culture was better than what is displaying...but this is also why I don't bring personal parts of myself to my coworkers. Because if my feelings got hurt, it could affect my work. And I am a very good employee so it would be annoying and upsetting for me to feel like you do. I would play the long game at this point. You no longer have a personal interest in them no matter what happens moving forward.
  • 20
    After that, I think you'll be happily doing your own thing at work and never give two what anyone thinks otherwise. them and congrats on your new amazing life and now you are off the hook for any personal anything in the office :) Reply 167
  • 21
    Few-Carpet9511 • 1d You | up. 1. you did do your coworkers' job in the first place 2. when you stopped doung their jobs you told your boss that it is because they did not celebrate you instead of telling them you have no time as you are focusing on your own tasks Reply 205
  • 22
    nylondragon64 • 17h Oh the life lesson learned the hard way. Coworkers are not your friends. Day late and dollar shy.They are sweet as pie when they need you. Otherwise your a stranger. Work is a paycheck not part of your life. Always keep it that way. Your family and real friends are. Reply 20 ♡

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article