Mom treats 10-year-old son's birthdays like an afterthought compared to teenage daughters' elaborate parties, dad secretly plans a surprise party for him to counter her blatant favoritism: ‘I want him to feel as precious as his sisters’

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    AITA for secretly planning a surprise birthday party for my son because my wife always makes his feel like an afterthought?

    Sad boy at a birthday party gazing disappointedly at a cake
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    - I (38M) have three kids — two daughters (15 and 12) and a son (10). In the interest of privacy, Ava (15), Lily (12), and Caleb (10) NOT THIER REAL NAMES. This might take a while, but I honestly need to vent.
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    I love all my kids equally, but if I'm being honest, our household doesn't always feel equal - especially when it comes to how my wife (36F) treats our son compared to our daughters.
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    My wife is incredibly close to Ava and Lily. And I get it—she connects with them via fashion, makeup, high school gossip, and girl stuff. It's fine. But it's built up over the years into overt favoritism. She gives them more leeway, buys them costlier items "just because," and practically never disciplines them the same way that she disciplines Caleb.
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    For example, Ava hasn't done the dishes in probably a year. Caleb, meanwhile, is to take out trash, vacuum, and do yard work. My wife brushes it under the rug with, "He's a boy. He needs the discipline. The girls are more fragile." That line never really sat well with me.
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    But what's been irking me the most recently is the way she handles birthdays.
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    For Ava's birthday last year, my wife rented an outdoor party space and hosted this enormous "boho picnic" affair with fairy lighting, Ava and her girlfriends in matching outfits, and an actual photographer. Lily did a spa- themed slumber party with full-on decor and personalized robes for everyone.
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    Four girls at a sleepover
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    Caleb, last year, got a supermarket cake, pizza, and a "Happy Birthday" sign that we neglected to tape up straight. And it wasn't that we didn't have money - we did. She simply said, "He doesn't care about that sort of thing like the girls do."
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    But I observe the way Caleb looks at their birthdays. He hasn't ever explained it, but I am certain he notices. And he deserves so. So I've started secretly planning a surprise birthday party for him. Me alone. I booked time at his
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    favorite trampoline park, reached out to a couple of his closest friends at school, and I'm collecting party decorations around his favorite video game. I went as far as to ask him, casually, if he'd order what kind of cake if he could have any cake on earth. His face lit up with a gigantic grin as he said "chocolate cake topped with cookies." Plain.
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    Boy jumping at a trampoline park
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    I haven't spoken to her about it. I know she's going to be angry. She gets ridiculously possessive over planning birthdays, but the thing is, when it comes to Caleb, she really doesn't go to the effort. She just knocks something together at the last minute and acts like that's all he's ever actually wanted.
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    I will let her know the night of the party. It's not a matter of playing games of power. I just didn't want her to shut it down without allowing it to have a chance. I want this one thing for him to be something memorable. I want him to be made to feel as precious as his sisters are. Because he is.
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    But now I'm second-guessing. I know she's going to accuse me of blindsiding her or trying to make her look bad, or playing favorites with Caleb. The irony there.
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    I'm not trying to turn this into some parenting war. I'm just tired of watching him shrink into the background while his sisters get to shine. I know it'll cause tension. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
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    TL;DR: My wife always throws amazing birthdays for our daughters but barely does anything for our son. I've been quietly planning a big surprise party for him by myself so he finally feels seen. I haven't told her yet because I'm scared she'll shut it down. AITJ?
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    Dad hugging his son
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    Objective_Attempt_14. NTJ but you need to start calling her out on it in front of him and the girls. SO he knows you have his side...
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    JTBlakeinNYC NTJ. You're being a good Dad. Is there any way you can persuade your wife to go to family therapy to explore why she isn't trying harder with your son?
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    Used Clock_4627 It kind of sounds like she's one of those moms that parents (and very much prefers) the girls while dad should parent any boys. It's really gross behaviour.
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    Big-Struggle3884 No. Your wife is the AH for treating your son different. Just because the girls and your wife have most things in common, doesn't mean she can't try with your son.
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    I'm pretty sure if your wife just tries, Caleb would be overjoyed. Your girls are the golden children here and honestly, i wouldn't be surprised if Caleb goes no contact with his mother and to some
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    extent - YOU. for allowing him to fade into the background, to be neglected and feel like he did something wrong at just 10 years old. I promise he noticed way back and is just not saying anything waiting for the crumbs from the woman who's supposed to his mother.
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    Mashcamp I replied to this on AITA and you and her are both j s. You've let this go on for years without stepping in to keep your son from experiencing pain. She for obvious reasons. Where have you been all the other birthdays? Letting her do everything then just showing up? If it's been bothering you so much, step the 1 up.
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    interestedinhow I was waiting for someone to point this out.
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    19Mel92 Agreed! Why is he just now standing up for his son? Why did you let this go on for YEARS!!

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